Deep Breaths

I am so out of my comfort zone.

 

Every moment is about forcing myself

to do something I don't "want"

to do.

 

 

But this challenge is also something that motivates me.

It is learning,

it is active,

it is new

and I know that I will be happy with myself when I succeed.

 

 

but I am in the moment now and so right now, it is very very hard.

exhaustingly hard

and I am afraid that the confidence and skill I had in youth has left me, making success something less than guaranteed.

 

Am I as good as I used to be?

 

I am starting to worry that I am not.

 

There must be something that you gain from experience.

There must be something that replaces ignorant confidence as time robs you of energy, memory, and patience.

 

I suppose only time and trying will tell.

 

I suppose the lesson

is that

life is about continually learning who you are

you never become, you are not stagnant,

you are always something new.

 

 

 

 

 

get your GROOVE on

Yowzers! did we have fun last night!
M&M alerted us that one of their friends, Lorin aka BASSNECTAR, was playing at the Goat Head Saloon in Mesa. I was - to say the least - shocked. I've been waiting for one of these SF DJ's to come to the good ol' valley of the sun, and was expecting said DJ to show up in Snobsdale. But, no, its a hole-in-the-wall dive, this Goat Head.
The opening DJ was a local. I was excited to hear him based on his page, but his set was nothing like his site's. But, we danced up a storm to the tracks he laid. Of course, since he wasn't the headliner, the floor was EMPTY! which is just the way I like it.
Lorin started up by saying to the crowd "get up here close to the stage! if you stand in the back like 6th graders, I'm gonna play 6th grade music all night" one-two-three: floor is PACKED!
It is SO cool to be live while a talented DJ is putting it altogether, responding the the crowd, the mood, and the flow. TOTALLY getting down with the music. It was like watching a painter create, or a dancer choreograph, it was visceral.
The concensus was to leave in the middle of the set (1am, so not too shabby for these 9pm bedtime peeps), but I really felt like that was sacrilege to "waste" the end of something so rare.
My consolation is that the man with be in BRC come August with the rest of these creative souls - so I will get to be awed again.

Do you know... are there DJ's in Phoenix who make music? and to be explicit, what I'm talking about here, is not just "mixing" from one song to the next, I'm talking about making music!

O' Buddha, leave me alone!

Greg always tells me that the Buddha is trying to teach me patience; and that's why so much of my life tries my patience so.

Today, the Buddha threw the book at me.

I don't really want to vent about the what's and the why's

I just want the universe to know, that I am trying very hard to keep my voice calm, to not snap, to not snap at people, to be nice.

I think, though, that I failed.

I walked out of the dry cleaners because I was about to bite off the heads of the people and scream as loud as the loudest monster while my hair stood straight up and my face turned green, so loud that it formed wind and storms and hurricanes, and the people in the buildings next door cowered in the corners shaking.

 

speaking of screaming green monsters.... here's a story.

My maternal cousins are girls - two of them - when they were little and I was babysitting, they sometimes didn't buy that I had the authority to tell them what to do. So they would resist. I would tell them that if they didn't do as I said I would scream and shout and turn into a horrible scary monster and all the people in the world would get scared and run away !

and they would comply immediately.

 

My half-brothers, on the other hand, got wide-eyed, and started jumping up and down with excitement taunting me:

"do it, do it, do it".

 

how funny, that even before the age of 4, the girls were scared and the boys were adrenaline junkies!

traveling tidbits

I learned today that they put the TSA-in-training in the ELITE line at Sky Harbor. Yes, that's right, all of those people with racked up miles from never being home think they can have a smooth and easy time at the airport; but no… they have to help the TSA agents do their jobs!

 

Why, oh WHY do hotel's have to put the full length mirror in a location that forces you to be looking at yourself on the toilet?! I have found this to be true in so many hotel rooms, that I think it's a wicked joke at some hotel design firm.

Two reviews: a book, and a movie

Wicked
I finally finished reading Wicked. I had put off finishing it for a long time because I didn’t want the witch to die. Obviously, I knew she would, but I had gotten attached to her. So, now that I’m done, I have to say, that the ending of this book is weak. weak weak weak.
I think that Maguire set up a great protagonist. He gave the Witch an incredible character. She had causes, she was strong, she had a will, and a focus. Then she had an affair, and it ends, and she completely looses focus and doesn’t gain it again. She is killed because of her own delusions in what Dorothy represents. I was very disappointed. There were a lot of threads in this book that also disappear, like the animals that can talk. Why did he create then in the narrative? There is no closing of that circle. There is no reason to it that I can see that comes back at the end of the book. Also, she spends all this time working on making the monkeys evolve, and then that storyline disappears – its like it was convenient to explain the flying monkey army, but that’s it.
So, anyway…. I really enjoyed the development of the characters and plot, but the end sucked.

Children of Men
Oh. My. God. Can you say S.U.C.K.
We were totally excited about this movie.
We thought that the premise – people are no longer fertile, some people save a pregnant woman – was intriguing. But you know what, this was a CHACE movie. That’s it. People running and chasing. I don’t know where the “deep” was; the implication, and of it. You know Gattaca? And that movie with Tom Cruise where he bought an eye, with the precrime? Now, those were both chase movies where they worked in the sci-fi concept. This movie WAY dropped the ball. It was actually boring.