I wish it were easier to be where I want to be.
As I get older I realize its more of putting things on a trajectory and seeing what happens rather than actually having control.
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Friday, May 29, 2009
Sometimes...
.. I feel like I am in a fuzziness, and what I consider to be my life is actually a dream or imagining.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Standing on a corner....
Having walked past buildings of monumental architecture. I stand at a constitutional corner and look at a large obelisk going into the sky. On the grounds below people play softball, soccer, ultimate frisbee, while many more run by.
What an amazing place to live. I can only imagine.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Interesting media moment
David Plotz talking about H1N1 on "The Shift Happens Podcast":
...talking about public health measures to limit the spread of a disease...
"...social networks are weaker, people have fewer social ties which means that they are more willing to break a quarantine."
This is so interesting to hear in a media venue because its something that I've been thinking for a long time!
...talking about public health measures to limit the spread of a disease...
"...social networks are weaker, people have fewer social ties which means that they are more willing to break a quarantine."
This is so interesting to hear in a media venue because its something that I've been thinking for a long time!
Interesting media moment
David Plotz talking about H1N1 on "The Shift Happens Podcast":
...talking about public health measures to limit the spread of a disease...
"...social networks are weaker, people have fewer social ties which means that they are more willing to break a quarantine."
This is so interesting to hear in a media venue because its something that I've been thinking for a long time!
Monday, May 11, 2009
a new consciousness on reality
Nearly made a big booboo this week.
Spent Sunday underwater at a max depth of about 30 ft.
Well, when you do that for extended periods of time, there are all these calculations and numbers blahblahblah to consider when doing things to your body that involve pressure.
One of those is flying!
There are Rules about how long you have to wait to fly after diving so that you don't EXPLODE! actually, its get the bends, but I just keep in mind that its all about exploding 'cause that's more dramatic.
So, I have a trip to DC on Tues.
LUCKILY - yes, luck 'cause I didn't even realize I had to think about this - its more than 18 hours after my last dive.
If I had planned a trip for Monday, I would have had to cancel it.
Here is a whole new thing I have to take into consideration about staying alive!
Saturday, May 09, 2009
Canyoneering I, II, II
*sigh*
holy cows!!
This was a life-altering experience.
I am a very very careful person.
I don't really do anything unless I have a good feel for the fact that I can do it.
Things that I "wing" are because I have done them before and I know that I can get away with that.
There are times in my life where I have realized that I had a "phobia" and I worked through it. The most obvious example that comes to mind, is that when I was fresh out of high school, I didn't like being on the phone. The whole idea of calling people I didn't know freaked me out. So, when I had to get information about something - find an apartment, get prices for a product - I would make a list of all the options (people to call), and I would call everyone on that list! even if I got my answer on call one. Did that get me over the phobia? eh, not so much... needless to say, I love the internet!
Aside 2:
I am DEATHLY afraid of snakes. Most of my life, I've had nightmares involving big snakes. I wanted to get over this fear, and I've paid attention to methodologies to overcome fear, and when it was suggested that I just do it by handling I snake, I thought NOT ON YOUR LIFE! There is no way in HELL I would do that. I'd rather just be petrified of the critters.
And that was mostly my attitude about fear.
...back to topic at hand.
Canyoneering is basically rappelling down waterfalls... hike up, rappel down.
This canyoneering thing is the first time in my life I had encountered something that induced sheer panic, and then consciously decided to just . keep . working . through . it.
Day 1: Lisa thinks, oh, this is going to be great, I've done this before with Meg and Tim, I had fun, nothing to be scared of harness will hold me la la la la...
Rappel 1 - no biggie, down I go.
Rappel 2 - STOP! wait a minute! I can't see where I'm going! I'm backing over an edge into NOTHINGNESS! holding a rope?! am I nuts!?
PANIC!!!
Well, I didn't want to seem like a wus, or hold up the class, or for anyone to tell me I couldn't do it. So I figured I'd just have to sort it out and find a way to cope!
There are 6 Rappels in that watercourse, here are heights: 45', 60', 20', 90', 70' 110'
The night after Day 1, I did not sleep. I just keep having dreams/thoughts about what I'd have to do the next day. I was so frickin' scared that I was gettin' all nervous on the hike TO the watercourse; you know, worried about my footing and silly things like that. I took a big sigh and went down the first 45' fall, and yikes! it was FUN!!
I realized that the experience of the day before had actually made it easier here on Day 2.
I didn't panic at the top of these falls, but I wasn't through the fear.
On the walk back to the car, the instructor said to me:
you are fine once you are on your way down, its the anticipation and then taking that step over the edge that is freaking you out.
I filed that away in the back of my mind.
After Day 3 I would say I was still scared. I still had to really think about going over those edges. But as the instructor said, after every one, you have done one more than you had before, so you have just that much more experience.
The day after my canyoneering weekend, I was exhausted. Emotionally and physically. I had not gotten home until very late each night, and all of that focusing on the fear was emotionally draining. So on that Monday, I was pretty introspective.
Through that, I had a pretty big realization.
I deal with all fear or anticipation the same way.
I know I can deal with anything, get through anything.
Its the thinking about it and the anticipation, and then taking that first step that freak me out.
Because of this, I am determined to keep practicing backing over that edge.
I am determined to find out how to do it without the fear. I want to know what I need to do to make that happen. I want to have that tool in my toolkit of coping with life.
(I highly recommend that if you want to do something outside, you go here and book a course with these incredible guys: Alpine Training Services - ATS.)
All photos from Day 1 link
All photos from Day 2 link
All photos from Day 3 link
holy cows!!
This was a life-altering experience.
I am a very very careful person.
I don't really do anything unless I have a good feel for the fact that I can do it.
Things that I "wing" are because I have done them before and I know that I can get away with that.
There are times in my life where I have realized that I had a "phobia" and I worked through it. The most obvious example that comes to mind, is that when I was fresh out of high school, I didn't like being on the phone. The whole idea of calling people I didn't know freaked me out. So, when I had to get information about something - find an apartment, get prices for a product - I would make a list of all the options (people to call), and I would call everyone on that list! even if I got my answer on call one. Did that get me over the phobia? eh, not so much... needless to say, I love the internet!
Aside 2:
I am DEATHLY afraid of snakes. Most of my life, I've had nightmares involving big snakes. I wanted to get over this fear, and I've paid attention to methodologies to overcome fear, and when it was suggested that I just do it by handling I snake, I thought NOT ON YOUR LIFE! There is no way in HELL I would do that. I'd rather just be petrified of the critters.
And that was mostly my attitude about fear.
...back to topic at hand.
Canyoneering is basically rappelling down waterfalls... hike up, rappel down.
This canyoneering thing is the first time in my life I had encountered something that induced sheer panic, and then consciously decided to just . keep . working . through . it.
Day 1: Lisa thinks, oh, this is going to be great, I've done this before with Meg and Tim, I had fun, nothing to be scared of harness will hold me la la la la...
Rappel 1 - no biggie, down I go.
Rappel 2 - STOP! wait a minute! I can't see where I'm going! I'm backing over an edge into NOTHINGNESS! holding a rope?! am I nuts!?
PANIC!!!
Well, I didn't want to seem like a wus, or hold up the class, or for anyone to tell me I couldn't do it. So I figured I'd just have to sort it out and find a way to cope!
There are 6 Rappels in that watercourse, here are heights: 45', 60', 20', 90', 70' 110'
The night after Day 1, I did not sleep. I just keep having dreams/thoughts about what I'd have to do the next day. I was so frickin' scared that I was gettin' all nervous on the hike TO the watercourse; you know, worried about my footing and silly things like that. I took a big sigh and went down the first 45' fall, and yikes! it was FUN!!
I realized that the experience of the day before had actually made it easier here on Day 2.
I didn't panic at the top of these falls, but I wasn't through the fear.
On the walk back to the car, the instructor said to me:
you are fine once you are on your way down, its the anticipation and then taking that step over the edge that is freaking you out.
I filed that away in the back of my mind.
After Day 3 I would say I was still scared. I still had to really think about going over those edges. But as the instructor said, after every one, you have done one more than you had before, so you have just that much more experience.
The day after my canyoneering weekend, I was exhausted. Emotionally and physically. I had not gotten home until very late each night, and all of that focusing on the fear was emotionally draining. So on that Monday, I was pretty introspective.
Through that, I had a pretty big realization.
I deal with all fear or anticipation the same way.
I know I can deal with anything, get through anything.
Its the thinking about it and the anticipation, and then taking that first step that freak me out.
Because of this, I am determined to keep practicing backing over that edge.
I am determined to find out how to do it without the fear. I want to know what I need to do to make that happen. I want to have that tool in my toolkit of coping with life.
(I highly recommend that if you want to do something outside, you go here and book a course with these incredible guys: Alpine Training Services - ATS.)
All photos from Day 1 link
All photos from Day 2 link
All photos from Day 3 link
S.C.U.B.A.
This month has been one long activity after another. Weeks full of work, traveling here and there, and then weekends of Lisa 4.0.
Activity 1: SCUBA: We did our classroom, pool work, and tests for the PADI Open Water certification.
I would sum this whole training thing up by saying that its a minute of: this is how you breathe underwater and weight yourself down so that you stay down; and the rest is 40 hours of training you on what to do when things go wrong!
I was more excited than nervous to do this certification because whenever I snorkel, I always wish that I could have more freedom to follow the fish. All this "how to save yourself" stuff was the slap-in-the face about the realities of the risks.
Whatever!
Carpe Diem, and all that.
There were 8 students and 2 instructors in the pool, and that was just too much. I didn't feel like I could really move around and get a feel for all that equipment 'cause we kept banging into each other. We didn't finish all our "skills" over that weekend, and so my friend and I did the rest, just the 2 of us this past Friday. It was GREAT having the whole pool to ourselves. We were able to really get the hang of buoyancy and swim around. We are off for our first open water dive tomorrow, and I . am . excited!!
My mom was kinda confused when I told her I wanted to get scuba certified because I can't swim. You know, with strokes. I can spend some time underwater, or I can swim on the top, or just play around. I just never learned how to do any strokes. The swimming teacher my mom hired for me and my brother when we were kids told my mom after a couple weeks to just give up on me 'cause I was never going to learn. And that was that.
Well, scuba is not about swimming. Its about having the freedom to be underwater on your terms. Its a gateway to this whole other part of the planet - the part that that is the MAJORITY of this planet, eh?.
so, watch out fish! Here I come!
Activity 1: SCUBA: We did our classroom, pool work, and tests for the PADI Open Water certification.
I would sum this whole training thing up by saying that its a minute of: this is how you breathe underwater and weight yourself down so that you stay down; and the rest is 40 hours of training you on what to do when things go wrong!
I was more excited than nervous to do this certification because whenever I snorkel, I always wish that I could have more freedom to follow the fish. All this "how to save yourself" stuff was the slap-in-the face about the realities of the risks.
Whatever!
Carpe Diem, and all that.
There were 8 students and 2 instructors in the pool, and that was just too much. I didn't feel like I could really move around and get a feel for all that equipment 'cause we kept banging into each other. We didn't finish all our "skills" over that weekend, and so my friend and I did the rest, just the 2 of us this past Friday. It was GREAT having the whole pool to ourselves. We were able to really get the hang of buoyancy and swim around. We are off for our first open water dive tomorrow, and I . am . excited!!
My mom was kinda confused when I told her I wanted to get scuba certified because I can't swim. You know, with strokes. I can spend some time underwater, or I can swim on the top, or just play around. I just never learned how to do any strokes. The swimming teacher my mom hired for me and my brother when we were kids told my mom after a couple weeks to just give up on me 'cause I was never going to learn. And that was that.
Well, scuba is not about swimming. Its about having the freedom to be underwater on your terms. Its a gateway to this whole other part of the planet - the part that that is the MAJORITY of this planet, eh?.
so, watch out fish! Here I come!
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