Lisa the Slacker

Lordy, I've been bad about posting !!
So much has been going on travel-wise, and my time at home is spent mostly vegging out!

There are all these draft posts waiting to be finished.... but typing on my computer is the last thing I want to do at home, and I've been too busy at work to work on blogging.... so this is a "stand by" post as we have a full weekend at home with no plans except packing the kitchen - although the bloody contractor hasn't called to confirm the demo of the kitchen on Mon as planned! So, perhaps we will be living in a house with a PACKED kitchen and NO contractor after this weekend - yay! Its not like I've been cooking anyway, so at least this will be a good excuse not to go shopping!

Tying a Knot

...between the Folbs, Eintrachts, Lees, and Moores.

One of the weekends I was gone this month was for the wedding of the oldest of my brothers.

It was the least conventional, most nontraditional wedding you can imagine. My father kept saying it was heavy on function and light on form. The only traditional thing was that the bride wore white.

The wedding party was me, my mom and dad (who have not really spent time together in 20 years), and Mary's grandfather. My mother was the officiator.

We stayed at Costanoa on the CA coast, just south of Half Moon Bay.

We had a BBQ for the "rehersal dinner" that was hugely winging it because we were staying in the lodge and didn't have anything to support a BBQ. So we borrowed from the restaurant and improvised where we could, and ended up with a delicious meal. My brother got pretty drunk, and doesn't remember much from the later evening. My mom was also pretty drunk, or pretending, and knocked over a firepit. Mostly, we were all hysterical laughing.

The wedding itself started out sombre, but rolled down the hill of crazy as soon as we all got into the Boogie Van and the bride started choosing music on her computer for the soundsystem. And then the groom unexpectedly turned into a gas station to get some coffee!
We were all laughing and in the spirit of adventure as we drove down the highway looking for the perfect beach. The 15 minute ceremony was on a rock, with the small party overlooking the Pacific. Afterwards, the bride started hamming it up for the camera, and some Swiss tourists took a group shot!

We went to the Ritz for a celebration dinner and a couple of M&M's friends joined us there.

There you have it.... the wedding of a Folb!

Burning Man

Accumulating links to everything we did at Burning Man:

Me - kodakgallery
M&M - flickr
Joost - flickr
Elliott
Squiggle people - video
Aria - video
Joost's video
Stickpeople1
Stickpeople2
Dr. Tesla

YeGads

It is taking a while to recover... or maybe I caught something.
You never know when you are sharing a portapotty with a kazillion people if you are going to be ok, especially when you are in a place that considers water to be "MOOP" and therefore washing your hands is a no-no.

My experience in summary:

The first 3 days were a mellow lead-up to Sat night.
Sat night was an all out party!!
I found myself planning next year's visit while we were driving out of the city, that's how addictive it is.... its like one of those things where you say, if I knew then what I know now... and in this case, I'm going to get to implement the knowledge. I am trying to rope people into going... mostly 'cause of 2 reasons:
1 - people to share the driving; that is a SCHLEP, BITCH, MUTHUFUCKR OF A DRIVE
2 - people to hang out with. One of the things I learned, is that sometimes your perspective is restrictive. Being with other people means you notice more than you see and you experience more than you intend. Its like that with the photos that other people are uploading. I get to see everything from their point of view and its WAY cool.

I moved the links of photos and videos to their own post.

If you are looking for me...

remember this, this, this, and this

well, its time, so you might find me here:

and exciting things here

yee gads

I am so burnt out.

It takes every ounce of energy to think about what I have to do next.

There is no energy left over for the actual doing.

I stare at my calendar planning a break from this drudgery, and all I see are more events to rob me of my quality time with the couch.

the application of leadership

We have been watching the dog whisperer. I highly recommend this show to anyone. I am NOT a dog person, and I appreciate this show. I have started to realize that his concepts have applicability to all parts of life.

Ceasar's basic concepts (let's see if I can remember them):
1. Give affection when the dog is in a relaxed submissive state
His point here is that you don't want the dog to associated positive reinforcement when the dog is in a hyper, agressive, or assertive state.
I guess this is the concept of appropriate reaction.

2. Start with exercise
Get rid of the excess energy before you start "working" with the dog. Release your emotion or anxiety through exercise.

3. "calm assertive"
(this is my favorite)
the Pack Leader needs to be calm and assertive at all times. This means put your shoulders back, stand up straight, and have confidence and conviction in your actions. Any wavering shows weakness and undermines your role as Pack Leader.
Basically - its your decision to be the Pack Leader, but you will not have that respect if you don't demand/take it.

I have always said that you are not "given" leadership, Leadership is something you "take". If someone says "ok everyone, this is your leader", you may be blindly followed for a while, but you will only keep and maintain that leadership in a successful way if you demonstrate the traits of a leader - ie take the lead.

Another repurcussion of this concept, is that as the Pack Leader, you have to be consistent in how you carry out "repurcussion". You can't do it sometimes and not others, you have to be consistent; and the repurcussion must be appropriate for the transgression.

Calendar

My calendar for the next couple of months scares me. And there are two trips that havn't even been considered yet - seeing a friend's new baby in LA and visiting Greg's mom in FL. Not sure where they will fit in. I also think there is another trip to PA or DC in Sept, but I'm trying not to think about that. I have a cold sore just from the stress of life. Thank god we booked a condo in Mexico for a weekend in Sept, 'cause otherwise, the next break would be Thanksgiving, and come to think of it, that might end up as Florida!

I desperately want to take off an extra day so that I can have a weekend longer than 2 days, but with work deadlines, even if I stayed home, people would be calling. Is Burning Man a break? Its out of reality, but will probably be a tiring trip. Ever since the work weekend from hell, I feel like I'm tripping over myself from exhaustion!

and here's an example

When I say that my brother doesn't have any boundaries, here's an example:

They bought a van for Burning Man, they wanted to put one of our futons in the van as a couch, so I told them sure. The took the van to the shop to get fixed, but decided anyway that the futon should be ready to go in the van, so they put it on top of his car in our garage. Then tonight, they decided to go to the mall. Well, where do you put the futon so you can drive the car to the mall?














so what I'm wondering now, is if I will be able to drive my car out of the garage to go to work tomorrow, or if I will first need to move the futon!

after that opus, here's some fun

Chicago!


Breakfast with Beth and Aaron



Juliet and Brook

Work (its a long one, but a gem at the end)

I have had the most insane two weeks ever. I am still in disbelief that I have survived. This was a learning experience about me too because I am astounded at what I can do. And I am still trying to figure out what it was that made me driven.

Background:
I manage a discipline division in a branch office for a consulting firm.
Our company has "practice" leads who are responsible for business development, like the BIG stuff, for each of the (7) disciplines under which the company provides services.

A month ago we decided to pursue a proposal for a gov entity, and decided that we didn't have enough local experience to lead the effort. This was the most complicated proposal I have ever seen. Printing out the documents ended up as a foot-high of paper. I was confused trying to read through it and roped someone else into doing that for me.

I had been talking to another company with some experience and they agreed to take the lead.
We brought on 2 more companies - one with local experience in the NW (which neither of us had), and another firm that currently holds a contract for this work (we'll refer to them as Incumbant).

Three weeks before the proposal was due we had a kick-off meeting in our office and delegated the preparation to the appropriate people. Later that week, the lead firm sent us a document outlining all of the data they wanted us to send them. I had a week to pull it together. It involved filling out forms that had been created by the Gov, sending documents to existing clients asking them to give us references, having all the technical people in my firm do these resumes forms, and begging everyone to turn everything around in a week (5 days that is).
I emailed off all my data, got on a plane, and went to Chicago to celebrate a friend's birthday.

As soon as we got to Chicago, I got a call from the lead firm telling me Incumbant had pulled out of our team and they were going to stop the effort because they didn't think we could be successful without Incumbant.

I was sitting in a restaurant awaiting my first meal of the day (long story, but we hadn't eaten since waking up), 7 hours, a flight, train, and cab, after waking up.

What the muthafucking fuck!

I was STRESSED! This opportunity is HUGE! So I called a couple of people, told them what was going on, and gave them tasks to get us back on track with the intent of picking up the pieces on Monday.
Tasks:
1. can we be the lead?
2. can we find another firm to do the CA work 9 days before our "print" deadline?

Well - it was a fun weekend; we got home at 10pm on Sunday (that means no laundry, no shopping, no errands before work on Mon).
Monday: HIT THE GROUND RUNNING
We got another firm to do CA, I got those practice leads to agree that we could take the lead, and I went into Hyper-Super-Lisa mode.
I worked from 7am - 8pm everyday that week
I worked from 7am - 11pm on Sat and Sun
I worked from 7am - 1am on Mon - Tues
(I am NOT an allnighter person - three degrees with no allnighter and I'm not going to start now)
and when I say worked I mean - sat with my computer on my lap and two phones at my side. Periodically Greg would bring me food on a plate and fill my water glass.
We printed on Tues.
Every one of those days I had to convince the 3 Practice Leads working with me that we could get it done and have a "quality product". This meant that between writing, editing, nagging subs to give me data NOW, I had to negotiate with 3 TOP people every couple of hours. And mostly, the resolve was that I would agree to take on more of the work - which meant more writing, editing, nagging subs. It got to the point where I couldn't think of words anymore in conversation. If someone started talking to me about something that didn't apply to this proposal, I would walk away; when someone (I knew well) asked me a question, the only sentences that could come out were like this:
"I asked him to look at those fucking things, and put them into that other fucking thing so that the fucking fucks would be ready for the other people in the morning"
If people told me "no", I would look at them blankly and say "ok, I'll get that from you in an hour".

I realize in retrospect that the work alone would have exhausted me, but what put me over the edge was the emotional negotiating, and carrying all of those people along.

Everyday, I would come home and say to Greg, I think this is only happening because of me. I think I am "selling" all these people on bogus reasons to continue because I am being determined.

I decided that it was my drive that was going to get us to the end.
And it did.
Those 3 people, and the poor proposal person who agreed to pull it together into that "quality document" all said to me at one point over the weekend - "I wouldn't still be working on this if it weren't for you".

I felt like I had won something, accomplished something HUGE by the time I got the fedex confirmation of delivery - and then I realized.

I still had to wait to see IF we would be AWARDED a contract for this to be a success!!!

God dammit! all that effort, all that work, and I still don't even know if its going to mean work for my firm!

I know that I have a reputation of being demanding, a "bitch", not very nice and all that, and I think I've written in this blog that I believe it is because people don't expect women to act direct, frank, bottom-line, honest (you know, those MEN traits), and so they don't expect me. But when people get to know me, and they see what I can do, and they see what THEY can do when they are working with me, they realize that I am good!
But in this effort, I wonder if I pushed some people away.
I always console myself when I have that thought by following it with
"yeah, but, I bet some other people REALLY respect me now!!"

The really shitty thing about all of this, is that I had to get this old before I realized what my strengths were and how I can leverge them. I think I am in the wrong industry, the wrong position, for my powers to be truly utilized. I don't know if its too late for me to figure out the best place to put myself, this is a thought I ponder more than any other. I also realize that I have less energy than I did when I was younger - obviously - but if I was in a position like the one I pulled off last week when I was younger, I would have ROCKED!!!! because I would have had energy. I haven't worked out, I haven't danced, I haven't called or talked to anyone socially. When I was younger, I probably could have fit that in too.

Anyway - that's where I have been for the past two, actually three weeks.

Show and Tell

for Blackbird:


a woman at work I really like is leaving to move to Dallas. I have been giving her a really hard time about it. I keep asking why she wants to move to TX. She is an equestrian, and tells me that she is ranked very high nationally in her breed, I think third. She wants to buy a house with a barn, land for the horse, and chickens ! I laughed at the chicken statement because she didn't strike me as the domesticated type. On her last day, she gave me this chicken to remind me why she was moving. She didn't have to give me anything to remind me how much I will miss her.

I figured out what it feels like

I see the sky as blue

everyone else is telling me they see the sky as green.

I just don't see the sky as green, its so obviously blue, how can you even imagine there is green in there!

 

and yet, because you are all telling me you see green,

and you're writing about how good that green feels,

and you're celebrating because the sky is green.

I start to feel left out.

Like I WISH I could see the green, I just wish I could, because then maybe I wouldn't feel left out.

But I just don't. I just don't see green.

I start hunting down other people who see the sky as blue, and at every turn, I find more people who tell me its green.

Some people start out saying its blue, and then over time, their blue turns more and more green. And there is no way for me to know why they change their minds.

Is it because they always saw the green, and just were pretending to see blue?

 

I feel lonely, like there is noone like me, that I'm a deviant (well, I know I am a deviant)... basically lonely.

Because I don't really know anyone else who sees the sky as blue.

 

this past weekend, one of my non-breeder friends actually told me that she is seeing natural-born children in her future more and more.

The sky is getting greener for her, and I still don't see it.

I can't believe I'm not the only one

I have sometimes wondered, but I've never looked to see if there is anyone else like me. I am somewhat in denial about my feelings because they are weird. Its hard to describe, and often when people find out, they just do things to make it worse. The other day I was alerted to this Salon page that describes someone just like me.
Except I don't think that the responder really understands the situation. Its not about hearing sounds loudly, or the inability to filter sounds, or one sound becoming dominant over the rest. Its about one particular group of sounds creating a hugely violent angry response.
yes, I am talking about the sounds of mastication: chewing, crunching, slurping, swallowing, popping gum, cracking gum, potato chips, apples, SALAD, nuts
For me it is exacerbated by situations that require concentration - a meeting, a classroom, concentrating
This is an affliction that I have lived with my entire life. I know that I used to yell at my mother and brother when I was a child. I used to scream at my brother for the sound of his teeth on a fork. I used to torment my mother to suck on her potato chips.
Some of my friends like to eat foods that annoy me on purpose! Some people forget just how torturous this is for me.
I am not an angry person, I am not a violent person, but the sounds of mastication make . me . IRRATIONALLY. angry!

Copy Cat

I'm going to copy Blackbird a little with a recap of the weekend:

Sat - Went on an insane drive. South from Phoenix through Tucson to Sierra Vista. It was really fun going down sandwiched in amongst the MINIs. Jabbing at people on the radio and zipping around the trucks and cars. I was pretty wiped out by the time we got down there, I'm not used to going that fast for extended periods. Believe it or not, even though people consider me a crazy driver, high speed on the straight is not my forte. Coming back with "harpo" and we hit a MAJOR haboob at Picacho Peak. Everyone was stopped on the highway waiting for it to pass. Crazy stuff!

Sun - ok, here's my homage to Blackbird.

bought a new phone; its still charging, so I haven't played with it yet



Started to build a floor for practicing my dancing. See the rubber stoppers? I need more!

and bought some more ducks. What do you think of all those ducks?


(ok, that was extremely annoying, in fact, I gave up doing it in Blogger and just created an email to my Blog. Blackbird, you have more patience than me!!)

Conversations

A while back some friends came over for dinner in more of a hanging out type of arrangement. It was really low-key and we just ate heated-up frozen food and drank wine. They stayed a while and we talked about nothing in particular. I found these photos on my camera, taken by Mr. S and they really seem to reflect the relaxedness of this evening, so I collaged them, and stuck them in my BLAWG!

MINI

Can you spot the MINI in a picture from a MINI?

Sometimes I really wonder...

...about men and sex.

I've been watching Queer as Folk, and I understand that its a TV show, and they are probably trying to be radical, but I really wonder - do men really have to have that much sex?

On that show, these guys are doing it every night, and in the morning they are doing themselves, so that's at least an average of twice a day.

So it makes me wonder about all the guys I know....
are they all thinking about it that much too?
would they all be having that much sex if they could?

and what about my partner, is that how often he really wants it?

and considering that the guys I know and my partner are not out trawling every night (I assume, of course) and are, therefore, probably not getting it as often as the QasF guys, how does that make them feel? what are the effects? are they frustrated? are they dissatisfied?

so sometimes I really wonder how much sex is enough for a guy.

Apple Pie 4th of July

Well, I was getting frustrated with my Bloggers because they weren't posting this weekend while I was lazing around looking for something to read... then I realized that I wasn't either, and everyone was probably off doing a vacation thing or not really interested in being by the computer.

I figured I'd start by summarizing my weekend.
We decided to stay home because it would be more relaxing than travelling. And it is... but it has a certain level of boredom. I started the weekend with a list of projects, but by day 2, I couldn't remember what they were! My brain turned to Jello!

We did manage some fun times: we rode bikes to a friend a block away whose kids were supposed to be selling lemonade - we were a little late, but got a cup anyway; We had tapas at Pepin, and saw my Wed night teacher Bernadette Gaxiola performing - boy is she good; little did I know in my Abercrombie and Fitch mini (discontinued) and JCrew elastic flips that she'd drag me on stage! I'm sure the front row got a good hoochie shot, and the guitarist got flying flips! We went to the Tilted Kilt - can you say CLEAVAGE! and not such good food; We hang around; walked to our favorite Italian place for eggplant scorpino and lasagna; watched Transamerica; went to Lake Pleasant to fix the sailboat so that its ready for next week when G gets his truck back; today we are going to a BBQ and then to ride our bikes to watch the fireworks; and all weekend, I was OBSESSED with Primal Quest.

Tomorrow I head to Pittsburgh for a lovely day of meetings at the "mothership", and then back for all-day training Fri and Sat (WOO HOO!!!). M&M return on Fri.... so that's the only real break from routine on the horizon.

Ho Hum!

it is SO friggin' hot! it sucks my will to be awake! any remaining energy I save, is required for maintaining my eyelids in the upright position - oh, and driving, 'cause I figure I need to pay attention.

For some reason, I am just not ready, and not adapting to the heat this year... might have something to do with the fact that it IS a little cloudy, which make the humidity go up from itsy bitsy, to itsy... which is enough to have a major effect with the air temp is over 110 !

...........................

Jamie Oliver: made my first recipe yesterday - Chicken Tika Masala... humm... kinda fudged one spice item, instead of buying garum masala, I mixed my own from an MSL recipe; not sure that worked too well. Of note, MSL recipes are usually straight forward and outline every tiny spec of a detail. Jamie, as a "wing it" cook, has kinda iffy recipes, which may have contributed to my not getting it quite right. But then, this is a quality I am hoping to learn from Mr. Oliver

..........................

so, we are thinking about vacations. I have realized that the older I get, the more regular my breaks from work need to be. One year, we didn't go on vacation at all. That was a BAD idea. I am still trying to make up for that decision. Problem 2: all the yummy vacations we take, usually involve my family. I love them and all, but its not the same as compromise-free lounging. So, we're thinking about going on a family free vacation - with our friends. Is that workable as less of a compromising situation??? I'm hoping.