Coming Along Nicely

Aaron is definately getting in to the mood. Here he is creating outfits for BRC.

just in case

you read my blog through a feedreader...

I accidentally sent an email to my blog instead of to myself (its 'cause I need to pee and I'm not paying attention to what I'm doing).

Well, said email popped up in my inbox: "musings just made a new post"

and I rushed over here to delete it.

but it looks like it got into the feed (superspeedy), and I don't know how to delete it from there.

anyway - if you read my email through a feedreader, you will now know how much we pay for electricity, what I owe on my credit card this month, the cost to have a cat sitter come to the house everyday for a week, and how much the lawn people charged us to mow, fertilize, and haul away two tarps full of palm tree shingles removed by lightening.

thrilling, isn't it!

Harry Potter

BTW - I have put off reading 7. I decided after reading chapter 1 that I don't remember anything; and I have gone back to book 5. to be read between now and the seeing the movie - I'm 1/2 way; maybe I'll make it by next Sat; then 6, then 7..... I am prolonging, procrastinating, and savoring.

 

so - DON'T SPOIL IT FOR ME!

I actually have something worth posting today!

Our house got hit by lightning last night.

 

We were awakened at midnight to a HUGE BANG that sounded like a house fell on our house; Greg had jumped into my arms, and I had yelled "Dad"  (!) we went back to sleep thinking that it was just close;

this morning we looked outside to see what damage there was from the big dust storm wind;

and amongst the litter of palm tree scales on the ground, were broken tiles from the corner of the cupola by the front door. The roof in that area is all blackened. So, I think that it was hit.

 

nice!

"The Golden Compass"

the world went crazy for Harry Potter, and yes I did too. So sometime after the first book came out, I read an interview with JK Rowling where she listed some books that she found inspirational. I decided to try The Golden Compass. I found it in the adult sci-fi section at my library. It took me about three months to read chapter 1, I just couldn't get into it. So I thought, I'll skip over chapter 1 and see if it gets any better in chapter 2.

 

I was hooked.

 

I became intrigued, obsessed, engrossed, enticed, and empathetic to the protagonist, Lyra. I couldn't put it down. I rushed to the library and checked out the other 2 books in the trilogy. The other two were in the children's section, and this is when I realized that these were actually children's books. I had always thought it strange that Pullman had decided to have a girl as the protagonist of an adult series of books.

 

After finishing all three, I declared these to be my favorite books ever.

 

and now there is a movie.

 

Yes, I am one of those people who wished that every Harry Potter movie was 8 hours long, representing every moment of every book; and I tell you... that for His Dark Materials, I wish that even more!

I enjoyed seeing the wizard books come to life on the screen and never felt disappointed with the depictions. His Dark Materials are filled with so many more fanciful phenomena, that I am scared that something will be missed. And also, the message, the strong emotion of bravery and strength in Lyra, I really hope that New Line can capture these tiny nuggets as they tell this story in a children's movie that will probably overemphasize the action.

two things

just got back from vacation, and two things strike me immediately.

 

1. so much disposable income going to the purchase of the iPhone... without any consideration for the exorbitant monthly fee charged by ATT. Ok, I understand, early adopter and all that... but comeon! don't let the service provider rip you off by allowing the charges! They set a price-point, and you fell for it!

 

2. Live Earth. I looked at the line up online, and immediately noticed that artists from different countries were playing in OTHER countries! what!? all that jet fuel! and don't tell me they bought carbon credits! I don't care! that is NOT THE SAME as saving the planet by reducing emissions!

 

 

Oh! Canada

We're in Canada, and its all about Canada Day, eh!

Walked around Victoria, and it was pretty mellow on the south side, then we got to the houses of Parliment and it was a PARTY! It was all about wearing the flag as a mini dress. I have to share...

Happy Birthday, Canada!

Deep Breaths

I am so out of my comfort zone.

 

Every moment is about forcing myself

to do something I don't "want"

to do.

 

 

But this challenge is also something that motivates me.

It is learning,

it is active,

it is new

and I know that I will be happy with myself when I succeed.

 

 

but I am in the moment now and so right now, it is very very hard.

exhaustingly hard

and I am afraid that the confidence and skill I had in youth has left me, making success something less than guaranteed.

 

Am I as good as I used to be?

 

I am starting to worry that I am not.

 

There must be something that you gain from experience.

There must be something that replaces ignorant confidence as time robs you of energy, memory, and patience.

 

I suppose only time and trying will tell.

 

I suppose the lesson

is that

life is about continually learning who you are

you never become, you are not stagnant,

you are always something new.

 

 

 

 

 

get your GROOVE on

Yowzers! did we have fun last night!
M&M alerted us that one of their friends, Lorin aka BASSNECTAR, was playing at the Goat Head Saloon in Mesa. I was - to say the least - shocked. I've been waiting for one of these SF DJ's to come to the good ol' valley of the sun, and was expecting said DJ to show up in Snobsdale. But, no, its a hole-in-the-wall dive, this Goat Head.
The opening DJ was a local. I was excited to hear him based on his page, but his set was nothing like his site's. But, we danced up a storm to the tracks he laid. Of course, since he wasn't the headliner, the floor was EMPTY! which is just the way I like it.
Lorin started up by saying to the crowd "get up here close to the stage! if you stand in the back like 6th graders, I'm gonna play 6th grade music all night" one-two-three: floor is PACKED!
It is SO cool to be live while a talented DJ is putting it altogether, responding the the crowd, the mood, and the flow. TOTALLY getting down with the music. It was like watching a painter create, or a dancer choreograph, it was visceral.
The concensus was to leave in the middle of the set (1am, so not too shabby for these 9pm bedtime peeps), but I really felt like that was sacrilege to "waste" the end of something so rare.
My consolation is that the man with be in BRC come August with the rest of these creative souls - so I will get to be awed again.

Do you know... are there DJ's in Phoenix who make music? and to be explicit, what I'm talking about here, is not just "mixing" from one song to the next, I'm talking about making music!

O' Buddha, leave me alone!

Greg always tells me that the Buddha is trying to teach me patience; and that's why so much of my life tries my patience so.

Today, the Buddha threw the book at me.

I don't really want to vent about the what's and the why's

I just want the universe to know, that I am trying very hard to keep my voice calm, to not snap, to not snap at people, to be nice.

I think, though, that I failed.

I walked out of the dry cleaners because I was about to bite off the heads of the people and scream as loud as the loudest monster while my hair stood straight up and my face turned green, so loud that it formed wind and storms and hurricanes, and the people in the buildings next door cowered in the corners shaking.

 

speaking of screaming green monsters.... here's a story.

My maternal cousins are girls - two of them - when they were little and I was babysitting, they sometimes didn't buy that I had the authority to tell them what to do. So they would resist. I would tell them that if they didn't do as I said I would scream and shout and turn into a horrible scary monster and all the people in the world would get scared and run away !

and they would comply immediately.

 

My half-brothers, on the other hand, got wide-eyed, and started jumping up and down with excitement taunting me:

"do it, do it, do it".

 

how funny, that even before the age of 4, the girls were scared and the boys were adrenaline junkies!

traveling tidbits

I learned today that they put the TSA-in-training in the ELITE line at Sky Harbor. Yes, that's right, all of those people with racked up miles from never being home think they can have a smooth and easy time at the airport; but no… they have to help the TSA agents do their jobs!

 

Why, oh WHY do hotel's have to put the full length mirror in a location that forces you to be looking at yourself on the toilet?! I have found this to be true in so many hotel rooms, that I think it's a wicked joke at some hotel design firm.

Two reviews: a book, and a movie

Wicked
I finally finished reading Wicked. I had put off finishing it for a long time because I didn’t want the witch to die. Obviously, I knew she would, but I had gotten attached to her. So, now that I’m done, I have to say, that the ending of this book is weak. weak weak weak.
I think that Maguire set up a great protagonist. He gave the Witch an incredible character. She had causes, she was strong, she had a will, and a focus. Then she had an affair, and it ends, and she completely looses focus and doesn’t gain it again. She is killed because of her own delusions in what Dorothy represents. I was very disappointed. There were a lot of threads in this book that also disappear, like the animals that can talk. Why did he create then in the narrative? There is no closing of that circle. There is no reason to it that I can see that comes back at the end of the book. Also, she spends all this time working on making the monkeys evolve, and then that storyline disappears – its like it was convenient to explain the flying monkey army, but that’s it.
So, anyway…. I really enjoyed the development of the characters and plot, but the end sucked.

Children of Men
Oh. My. God. Can you say S.U.C.K.
We were totally excited about this movie.
We thought that the premise – people are no longer fertile, some people save a pregnant woman – was intriguing. But you know what, this was a CHACE movie. That’s it. People running and chasing. I don’t know where the “deep” was; the implication, and of it. You know Gattaca? And that movie with Tom Cruise where he bought an eye, with the precrime? Now, those were both chase movies where they worked in the sci-fi concept. This movie WAY dropped the ball. It was actually boring.

more of those universe alignments

my desk phone rang; it was my financial advisor, saying she wanted to take some of my "cash" and buy part of an "international real estate trust"... and I said: that's one of those things where they buy and sell land all over the world, right?, and she said yes - but commercial, and I said: that's funny 'cause my brother is signing the paperwork to sell some of our CR land today; and we laughed, and as we were saying goodbye, my cell rang - it was my brother... saying that the deal was done and he was at the bank!

 

I'm sorry, but that's TOO weird!!

Bad Blogger

I think I may have made a blogging faux pas...

When people leave you comments, I think blogging etiquette calls for you to email them back.

Is that right?

Well, since I post via email, because my work blocks anything with "blogspot" in it, I don't have access to my blog's comments or the profiles of my readers... so I usually enjoy the comment and move on.

 

Well - I'm going to try and be better about acknowledging comments, even if it means remembering turn the computer on when I get home!

 

 

What can you fit in your MINI?!

scene: Friday night, trip to Ikea.

Lisa: should we take your truck? or the MINI?
Greg: we're only getting the 3-drawer unit - MINI.

Later that night...
Lisa and Greg standing in the Ikea warehouse looking at the VERY long boxes on their cart, laughing hysterically because they don't want to go home and get the truck, they want to risk getting the SIX-drawer Malm and this ladder into the MINI.











I'm really surprised that people didn't watch us in the parking lot making snide comments.
Yes, there was a moment, or two, where I thought I'd hear the cracking of my back window...
The ladder had to go on top of the dash, and we couldn't click the boot all the way...
In the end, we made it home.
















Greg was a little smooshed behind the driver on the folded down seat

Weird

Greg ran another marathon on Sat. He improved his time by 10 minutes, which is really impressive, considering that I can't even run his pace for 1 mile without being exhausted. So, I've been wanting a massage for a while, and a friend recommended a guy from her chiro's office who does housecalls. Well, that's just too weird if I invite this guy over to give me a massage, so I thought it would be less weird if he gave one to Greg too. So I scheduled for Sunday after the marathon. Greg was pretty adamant that he wanted to be outside in the shade, so whatever, the massage therapist was down with that. And I let Greg go first 'cause I figured he needed all the guys strength more than I did. We traded places pretty seamlessly, and I lay outside listening to the birds - man there were a lot - and feeling the breeze, and thinking about the backyard in general.

We want to redo the whole thing and we've decided to get a designer to help us. We want to make the patio, pool, and yard cohesive and divide it up into garden rooms that make you want to wander around and have discovery experiences. That's all "one day" stuff. For some reason, I got to thinking about this little metal shed that's in the corner of the yard near the house. We have the pool supplies in there and some of my brother's stuff. I started thinking how since we don't have a basement the garage is stuffed with junk, and that maybe it would be better to have a more efficient storage space in that yard corner. Something that could fit all the bikes. This shed is too small to stand up in, so it makes it awkward to go in and out, and you can't really put a lot of stuff in there because its just difficult to maneuver. Also, the door has come off its rollers, so it doesn't really stay open, or closed, it just falls down and we have to prop it up from the inside with a chlorine bucket. whatever... its just not efficient. And so I lay there getting my massage thinking about how we could improve this situation, and thinking that I should say something to Greg about it 'cause maybe he would have an idea.

But then, as massages go, I was relaxed and my mind went on to the next thing.

After the massage therapist left, and we had continued on with our day, I realized that Greg had been at the computer for a really long time. I went over to look at what he was doing and it looked like he was surfing for gazebos, or pagodas, and I thought - geez, he's going to come up with some scheme to put a ramada by the pool - which contradicts the whole master plan/garden room designer thingy... so I asked him what he was doing.

 

He told me that he'd been thinking that the shed in the corner of the yard wasn't very efficient and that it would be nice to have something that you could actually stand up in, with a useful door and a way to store all the bikes that we have in the garage.   (!)

and he was looking at these prefab sheds that would look really nice and be very functional.

 

I was pretty much in shock. It was just too weird that I came inside and he'd been sitting at the computer figuring out what to do about the shed thing the whole time I'd been outside thinking about the shed thing.

 

I mean, I know that they say when you've been with someone for a while you can finish each others thoughts and know what the other person is thinking, but this was just too weird.

 

Then, after measuring and talking about styles, I decided to let him keep going without me, and went to watch TV. It occurred to me that instead of a white siding metal roof "cottage" thing, maybe it would be cheaper to just lay a slab, put up some cinder blocks with a glass brick clear story, and french doors, stucco the outside and tile the roof to match the house. I figured I'd wait until Greg was done with his processing before I broached the subject. He was going in and out, measuring and looking. And then he stopped, came over to me and said: maybe we should just put up a cinder block room that we can stucco with a glass brick row for light and french doors, and a tile roof to match the house.

 

Now come on. How can it be that we have the same thought at the same time without any connective discussion - twice?!

That's just Weird.

Why can’t there be a another airport for these people?

Why do you have to put 20 metal clips in your daughter's hair? So that every time she walks through the metal detector she beeps, and you have to come back and take out some more. Do you think that this is your personal attention time from TSA?

 

You know how the moving walkway has that annoying person saying "The moving walkway is now ending", that useless PSA that you always wonder about because, hello, you are on the moving walkway, and you are looking ahead and you see that its ending. Because you've gone up escalators before and you understand the concept. Well, hello lady on your cellphone, so engrossed that you a) don't notice that the moving walkway is ending, b) don't hear the annoying announcement that the moving walkway is ending and you trip and fall and yell loudly causing a human pileup of everyone else coming off the moving walkway that is ending because you are so unaware of the world that you inhabit that you don't get that the stupid moving walkway is ending.

 

The mom with the stroller, that she wants to push through the metal detector. Are you serious?! Do you not understand the concept of metal detector? Or is your world so ensconced in plastic that you forgot that your stroller is indeed metal. And why do you look so shocked that you have to now carry your child through the metal detector? What were you thinking, that you could put him through the x-ray machine with the stroller? I mean come on, how much time do you need to process this conundrum? Just take the kid out – hold him – and put the stupid stroller on the stupid belt.

 

Ah – you know the sign at the beginning of this queue that says "preferred", you know the lady who was asking everyone in this queue if they had preferred status? That was for a reason! So why do you look shocked and appalled that the TSA ID checker is telling you to go in the other line, and come on! why are you arguing with him?! It's a pretty clear situation. Don't you understand that we have this status because we are ALWAYS on airplanes and we want to be able to avoid the people like you who are trying to slow down our process of getting home?!

The rough part of DINK

him: I have so much to do today, I'll probably be home late.

 

me: I'll probably be late too.

 

him: I might have to work this weekend to keep my head above water. I feel like a Lisa.

 

me: let's build a cube environment in the living room so we can be more productive!

some things that have happened lately

I'm going to resist my nature and not make this an organized list.

 

I got my new tires installed yesterday, and its taking some getting used to. Who would have thought that run-flats were so yucky?!

I don't feel the bumps of cat-eyes, manholes, uneven pavement like I used to.

I don't "loose control" in road ruts

It almost feels like my car is bouncy!

I REALLY want to take them somewhere where I can test the corner handling!!!!!

 

This is Daniel's last week at ASU. We are going to help him move out of his dorm tomorrow, and on Sat, he and 5 friends are going to camp in our back yard.

I think we'll lock the cats in the bedroom with us and leave all the doors open so that they don't keep us awake coming in and out to the bathroom etc.

I can't believe that this time has gone by so fast!!!

I didn't see him nearly enough... but I have to say, that I like the changes that I have observed from his first week to now. I hope they stick when he goes home.

 

Yesterday was the MOST incredible work day I have had in a long while. I do not believe there was a single moment when I was in control of the task I was performing - I mean, I didn't select what I was working on; every moment was a reaction to someone who came in to my office; and there were always two people waiting in the hall.... I got home at 7:30, ate a burrito that Greg made for me, and went to bed and asleep at 8:30.

 

I have been tracking what I eat - calories, fat, protein, and carbs. My trainer wants me to eat at least 1500 calories with 40% each protein and carb, 20% fat. Let me tell you how hard that is! all three of those criteria! I am most typically 1000 calories, 20% each fat and protein, and 60% carb. EVERYTHING has carbs except straight MEAT. So you are always adding to the carb column and usually just a little to the protein - unless you eat MEAT!

 

that's it.

I crack myself up

My stepmother LOVES to shop. While she was shopping here, she accumulated a lot of those nice square-bottom bags they give you at boutiques. She asked me if I kept them. I thought this was really weird 'cause why would I want a bunch of Victorias Secret bags lying around! She says she keeps a stash under the bed to carry things in when she needs an extra bag, because they have nice handles, etc. I thought this was a strange concept because I have actuals BAGS for that. It occurred to me, that if you have value for the Gap, Macy's, Burberry, Juicy, you might want people to see you walking around with one of the bags for random stuff 'cause it meant you'd bought something there. Whatever, I don't have that way of thinking - I thought to myself...
Until, I was in my closet, looking in the back behind the dresses, and I found THIS,



A shopping bag from the MINI dealer! Saved, I suppose for another use... to carry around other stuff so that people know I bought something there! I guess its all about the image you want to project.
=)

Was it the right decision?

Sometimes, I guess, you get a chance to go backwards in time and reevaluate a decision.

 

This past weekend, we went to THE American archaeology conference. I gave a paper and Greg had a booth. The last one I went to was 10 years ago. Isn't that crazy?

 

I was expecting to sit in my session, give my paper, and spend the rest of the time waiting for Greg.

Well, that didn't happen.

I ran into so many people that I know, from so many different contexts, it was insane!

People I haven't seen in over 10 years.

I even decided to go to some sessions other than my own and see what research people are working on.

 

So what was the decision I got to reevaluate?

 

About 6 years ago, I decided to stop pursuing my career as an archaeologist. I decided to go into management in a general sense. So, I stopped doing research, I stopped reading research, I stopped going to the regional conferences, and I stopped staying in touch.

 

Sitting in these meetings, I got to think about whether or not that was the right decision - for me.

 

I would expect that some of the people I ran into thought that it was a loss that I am not doing research and contributing to the field. I know that people thought I was really good at that.

 

I have learned that there are a lot of things I am good at. There are a lot of things that I could spend all day doing. Starting with being a school teacher, being a mom, baking, cooking, sewing, being a research archaeologist.

 

But you know, just because you're good at something, doesn't mean that its something you should be doing all day.

 

I don't want to do any of those things above all day.

 

In sitting in those sessions and reevaluating my decisions, I realize that I have made the right one. Being a Project Manager uses my strengths, uses my skills, and provides me with challenges that I want to take on, and that's the difference. I know what the challenges are for the listed items above, and I don't really care to take them on.

 

What I'm doing now gets me out of bed in the morning and makes my commute in traffic worth it.

 

That may be a change from some of the posts I've put up in the past - so I'll tell you that a couple months ago, I started working with a new project manager on projects for a different client. And I am having fun. Last week, I was officially moved over to the Civil Department. I am no longer a group lead, I am no longer a division head, I am no longer responsible for business development in a field I think is STUPID! I no longer supervise the emotionally unstable girly boy who yelled at me!

 

and yes, I am happy about all of the above.

Adam works magic with the universe

My youngest brother, Adam, was scheduled to return to Australia on a Thursday.

He really didn't want to go.

He wanted to stay the weekend and continue the merrymaking with his two older brothers.

My Dad told him that the cost to change the ticket was not worth it, that he had obligations to his soccer team on Sat, and that he should be in class on Monday.

 

We took Adam to the airport for his evening flight during a CRAZY wind storm that had come out of nowhere. I was almost afraid of driving my little car in the gusts. Adam was scheduled to fly to SF to catch an 11PM flight to Sydney.

 

About an hour later, he called us to say that his flight was delayed two hours, he'd miss his connected to Sydney, and the next flight they could get him on to cross the ocean was on Monday !!!

His options where to fly to SF and spend the weekend in a hotel, or come back to my house and take another flight to SF on Monday for the international flight - which coincidentally was the same one his parents were on.

 

And I'm sure you can guess what he decided to do.

 

PS

I just reread that last post...

it should be pretty easy to "type" my personality from that in case you hadn't figured it out already.

 

I'll call you attention to two items:

1. no adjectives

2. no emotions

 

and now you have a list!

Knock Knock

is anyone there?

 

oh! Aaron! hey, Hi! good to see you again!

 

Yeah, I haven't been around much lately... SO much has happened, and the thought of going through it all is daunting, and so I avoid.

 

and to briefly summarize the last 3 weeks:

Dad and stepmom + youngest brother + oldest brother and wife (M&M) all in my house for two weeks

WHERE IS THE KOSHER-FOR-PASSOVER MATZO IN THIS TOWN?!

Middle brother and all his college friends over for Fri Night - thanks to Dad and the Italian place next door, I didn't have to cook!

MORE kosher-for-passover matzo !

BBQ party for the whole family gang + all my close Phoenix friends + all of milddle brother's college friends; again! thanks to Dad, Greg, everyone who brought food, and my oldest brother, I didn't have to cook, or clean up

Everyone left except M&M and he cooked an INCREDIBLE meal everynight for a week.

Now they are off to Coachella, and we are alone in the house - good and bad - if you know what I mean.

Sat: Flamenco show in Gilbert at 11, lunch, drive to Flagstaff, late for tech rehersal at 4pm, show at 7:30, drive home, bed at 11!

Sun: LAY ON THE COUCH

 

 

I just sent this to my mom in an email, it kinda captures today:

 

Today my new rate starts, and I feel under extra pressure to be "worth" the extra $8/hr.

Plus one of the guys that I've been "shadowing" is being assigned to TX for a year, so I will be 100% in-charge of a bunch of engineering projects where I'm just winging it at every moment.

 

so - all the pressure and stress just escalated.

 

Greg and I are going to Austin on Thursday for the Society for American Arch conf. DeAnn is coming too, and I'm giving a presentation on Friday AM (!!!)

I intend to spend the rest of the weekend in the hotel room watching TV and maybe make an appnt for a massage - instead of going to any sessions !!!!!

 

I am also trying very hard to not let work interfere with my working out!

and one of my flamenco fellows asked if I would like to do semi-privates with her as well as the Tues class; I said yes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

update - for my blogreaders

I am still overwhelmed at work by the workload.

I am waiting right now for comments back on the last submittal, and in order to take a break, I'm going to give you an update.

well, not about the work stuff.... I'm not sure its a good idea to talk about that here.

 

But about life.

 

I have been in a bit of a panic the last couple of weeks, actually the last week, because my personal trainer is moving to Dallas.

I didn't really realize how, like, co-dependent I'd become until the reality of his leaving hit me.

I've been in a bit of turmoil, both because of the whole upsetness of the leaving, but then I was also, like, really SHOCKED that it was upsetting me that much.

 

first off, he's not the kind of guy that I would be friends with, but he has a lot of similar traits to me, so we connected on that level of understanding what it means to not be easy to be supervised by an employer, being conscientious, wanting things a certain way; so what I'm telling you here, is that it wasn't really who he is as a person that I was upset about... that's why it was freaking me out.

 

what I figure, is that people are all a little bit conceited. And when you find someone who helps you achieve an appearance that you didn't think you could have - like a really good hairdresser who gets the color just right - you become connected and dependent on that person because you know, or don't think, you can do it on your own.

Also - he is SO self-confident and possessive, that he was not telling me if there was someone else available for me 'cause he doesn't think anyone is as good as he is, and he didn't want to give up any of his clients. So I was panicking that I would start declining in my fitness!! Who was going to set my weights? Who was going to give me my cardio?! I started looking for books, and they were all so sucky, that made me panic some more! I was actually CRYING about it last weekend; after I'd gone to the gym, and it felt like SUCH a lonely place.

It was the same crying as when I watch a marathon, or the Ironman on TV. Like proud that you'd reached a goal, and hopeful that you can make it.

 

so in the case of my personal trainer, I started from this place of having NO muscle tone, and ab.so.lu.te.ly no endurance, and in 4.5 months, I actually have muscles that you can see on my back, my arms, my calves - yikes! I am not a SKINNY person... and let me tell you, you don't know how much ridicule I had to endure throughout my childhood (especially from my UNCLE) about being skinny!! I can run for an HOUR and a HALF, and for about 20 minutes of that at a 10 minute mile! Holy Crap!!!! before, I couldn't even run ONE, now I can run FIVE!!!!

and in retrospect, it wasn't that hard.... I just did what Mr. PT told me to do. And here I am.

So - yes, I was pretty upset 'cause I didn't want to not be this fit, ripped person.

In fact, I want to be MORE ripped and fit.

 

A couple months ago, we decided to set a goal, and I thought that it should be about body fat. I didn't want to say "run a 5K" or "lose 10 pounds" - I've been gaining weight during this whole PT thing - so I said, what is a good range for a regularly fit woman, and he said about 15-20, or something like that. so, I said, let's shoot for 19/20 by the time you go to Dallas.

We measured body fat a couple months later, and it wasn't down that much. I thought - yikes, we're not going to make it... we're not going fast enough, and I was pretty sad.

 

Well - today was my last session... we did the body fat thing, and you wouldn't believe it... it was 18!!

 

I am SO happy!!!!!

It makes me feel that anything is achievable, that I can have the body I always imagined, dreamed of; not just the one I accept.

 

Also - he introduced me to my new trainer - Chad - who was SUPER cool!!! and so I feel like I will have help! still a little apprehensive 'cause I don't know this new guy's style, or whether or not it will work... but I know that Jeff is SUPER critical, so I figure this guy has to be worth something.

 

and I have to set new goals. So how about this: Madonna arms, 6-pack abs that are visible (I think I have a 6-pack now, you just can't see it), and 10 miles...?

 

(something interesting... there are NO blog posts about Jeff - just that first one about Nicki; hmmmm....)

 

This time last year...

I was preparing to go to AMVIV.

 

You know, the meetup of MINIs in Vegas.

The whole blown tire saga...

The Strip cruise...

The track day...

Oh so much fun!

 

This year, we are passing because in a week, I will have family at my house!

That's right, we are going to be full to the gills with Folbs!

There will be 5 Folbs, a Brown and a Lee - who kinda count as Folbs too.

And then a visiting Folb from Rural & Apache; so EIGHT altogether!

Eight people in our house has to be a record.

 

We have been cleaning, moving furniture, buying furniture, and making sleeping space for all these Folbs!

 

It just occurred to me on my way to work that I need to come up with a dinner plan because on-the-fly might not work.

 

hummm....

 

any ideas?

 

 

Is it worth it?

This past week was probably one of the worst work weeks I've ever had.

I've worked long hours on projects with short deadlines, but they were never as hard as this.

I lost my patience twice, I begged, I pleaded, I reasoned, I did everything to make things happen short of throwing up and crying. And I was close on those two counts also. I feel like my ability to get something done was put to the utmost test. At every turn, there was a block, another decision that had to be made, another problem to solve. And some of the people I was dealing with? working with? were part of the problem. Do you remember that proposal I worked on last summer? how I was at home writing, coordinating with reviewers and contributors all over the country? Well, this week made that look like a walk in the park.

And no, its not over yet. I am still getting calls, emails, people involving me. And the worst part is that next week will be the same, but with all the OTHER projects I'm working on that got NO attention this week because of the INSANITY that was my job. 

Studies show...

that my frustrations with working at an engineering firm are not specific to me.

Yay.

 

Study one: AZ has a glass ceiling. One reason is because all the "big" industries are traditionally male-dominant

Study two: PEOPLE (men and women) still stereotype women as not good for leadership; and when women show leadership qualities, they are given negative labels.

 

 

Once upon a time...

there were clean dishes at the Willow Resort! Hoorah!!

The Lowes people finally called, they came, they did a fantastic job installing the dishwasher, and we've already done a load - of all the crap that has been sitting out for two weeks! Some of it had mold... I know, gross! but YOU try living without a dishwasher for THREE months.

Cats or Dogs

I am not a dog person.
I just don't like them.
I think its because they are too needy.
Believe me, I have had my fair share of dogs. And as an adult, its just not something I want in my life.

When I was growing up, we had LOTS of dogs. Big, small, german shepard, mutt, daschund, dalmation, collie, you name it. We lived on 5 acres, so the dogs just ran around... in the house, out the house, none of them were necessarily assigned to a person, they were just all "our" dogs. I remember the process of house training them when they were puppies, and I remember them sleeping outside or inside, whever we happened to be. After we moved to the city when I was 12, my parents got me a dog. This one was identified as mine. It was a miniature maltese who I named Mickey (after Mickey Mouse). I loved that dog. It would spend the night in the kitchen, and when it was let out in the morning, it would RUN to my bedroom. It was little, cute, cuddly, and mine. It got through the security gate of the front door and was killed on the road. My parents got me another one the same night (probably not a good idea, they probably should have let me grieve), this one was names Mouse, it was not a miniature, and it was never really mine. It was just one of our dogs.

So - am I not a dog person because I had a traumatic dog experience associated with attachment?

Yea. I think my aversion is more than that.
I don't like needy/clingy people either; and I can't say that my best friend from high-school with whom I blood-swore friendship forever died... so there's no residual Freudian anti thing going on... although I can have other theories there which I won't go into here....

anyway...
I have also always liked cats. And when I was VERY little, I had a white cat called Queenie. Now this cat was mine. I don't know what happened to her, she probably died, and I still like cats, so there you go, theory of dog trauma blown.
Here's how I know that Queenie was "mine" (besides my mother telling me so): there are photos of me pushing her around in a pram all covered up with a blanket. Yip, the cat let me play "baby" with her. Now, a cat would have to be "yours" to let you do that!

We have two cats now. Max and Molly Goldberg (the cats are married even though we are not).
I know that with cats they are different creatures to their people than they are to friends and family of those people. Our cats do things with us that they don't do with other people. Those little things that indicate attachment and make you feel mushy inside and love for your pet.
When I come home, they hear the garage door open from the bedroom (they sleep on our bed all day), and they are waiting for me at the door in to the house when I walk in. They will greet Greg if he comes home first, not when I'm home already, but they always wait for me. Then, Molly will RUN to the bedroom closet because she knows that the first thing I do is take off my shoes inside the closet. Then I usually pee - so her next stop is the bathroom. When I comply with her expectations, she PURRRRRRRS! Crazy loud purring!
When I am home, they follow me from room to room. They find spots to sleep close to me. If I am on the computer, Max will lie in the same spot on the carpet next to me. When Greg and I watch TV in the evening, they come for pets, and then lie on the couch with us. When we go to bed, they follow us in and curl up on the bed.

When you are in the presence of a cat that gives you attention and is obviously attached, you value and treasure that connection. They are not in your face, they are near; they do not DEMAND attention, they make subtle requests infrequently. They keep you company, and they give you affection when you are distressed. Our little family feels very purfect when we are all together. The two quiet self-contained people, and the two quiet self-contained cats.

"The story of the dishwasher"

I love Lowes

 

Once upon a time, there was a couple who's dishwasher broke. They went to Lowes and asked the salesperson: which is the quietest one, you see our kitchen and living room are all in one. They bought the recommended Bosche. The Lowes installer went to their house and they all noticed that the old dishwasher was stuck in on the top by a tile counter top and stuck in on the bottom by retro-installed real hard wood floors - ie 2 inches. Oh my, can you get that thing out? they asked the installer. No problem! he said, and after some pushing, pulling and really creative angles, out it came. He installed the new dishwasher and mounted it with an L-bracket to the counter.

 

Oh how they loved their new dishwasher. They couldn't tell when it was on it was that quiet. The dishes were all sparkly and clean.

 

A year later, they decided to remodel their kitchen. Now that was a whole saga of its own. But during the remodel, the lovely dishwasher waited in the garage to be reinstalled. Once it was back in its space, they came home to find that it hadn't been attached to the counter, so when they closed the door, the whole thing pushed back in the hole under the counter. Wazzup with that? they asked the contractor. What? you want it attached? But there's no bracket. Huh?! they replied, 'cause the Lowe's installer attached it to the counter. The contractor replied: There was no bracket, but I can make something up.

 

Now the couple had a new kitchen surrounding their lovely Bosche. They did a couple loads of dishes as they moved their stuff back into the kitchen, and the next day, noticed that the dishwasher was still draining. Huh? 12 hours later? that's not right? The contractor said it couldn't be how he installed it, and the customer service rep suggested that it may be a mechanical issue. So Mr. Appliance came to see. Look here! said the repair man. There are two holes on the inside tub! They look like they've been made by a screwdriver. Wha ?! And look here, inside the base, here is a screw and a bracket! Double Wha ?!

 

Of course the contractor denied any liability. But said he would work with the manufacturer to get a replacement. After a LONG drawn out back and forth with letters and serial numbers, ie THREE months. The manufacturer sends a replacement dishwasher. The couple decides that they will have a licensed Bosche installer do the work instead of the contractor and calls Mr. Appliance back. The first thing he does is take off the electrical cap to undo the wires. Guess what he finds? no, not some nice clean wires twisted together. He found a melted, burned, mess of wires! Oh my god! its a fire waiting to happen. The couple is furious!

 

Mr. Appliance obviously doesn't really know what he's doing. Pushing, pulling, he didn't know about the handy screw up front that allowed him to adjust the legs in the back, no he had to call his dispatcher to find out about that. He is flumuxed. He cannot get the dishwasher out of the space in the counter. This is strange to the couple because the hole is bigger than in the old kitchen's, the contractor got the dishwasher in the hole, how difficult can it be to get it out? Mr. Appliance gave up. He couldn't do it. Ok, say the couple, they didn't really want this man installing their dishwasher anyway.

 

I know, says the woman, I will call Lowes and have the same guy who did the original install come back. And that's what they did. Not only did Lowes figure out which company they had used previously, they also found the actual guy! Now that's customer service.

 

When the man came home from work that night, the couple decided to see if they could remove the dishwasher. They each took a side. Let's tip it up, the woman said. Snap! The dishwasher is out.

 

no, the dishwasher is not installed - yet. The old dishwasher is sitting outside of its hole, still connected to the sink drain, and the new dishwasher is sitting in the hallway ready for the installer. The couple are still waiting for the installer to call and schedule an appnt. Therefore....

 

...to be continued.

 

 

Yikes!

http://www.apa.org/pi/wpo/sexualizationsum.html

Late Weekend Recap

Spent this weekend in the AZ desert watching a bunch of INSANE people ride mountain bikes on a 15 mile loop, over and over for 24 hours. Some of them were more insane than others. Here's how I rank the insanity:

5. 5-person teams - insane because they think riding in circles is a fun way to spend a weekend.
4. 4-person teams taking turns doing laps. Yes, I think this is insane, but at least there are 3 other guys in it with you.
3. duo - two people taking turns. Either doing double laps to give the other guy at least 2 hours of rest, or switching every lap. And some of these guys were doing laps in 1:15, which means you only get about 1/2 hour to rest/eat/fix bike
2. solo - its all up to you. Noone else to help get those lap times up
1. single speed, no shocks, solo - yup, 24 hours of riding a hard bike with no gears to help; your number 1 insane person

My conclusion was that the Duo was the hardest to pull off. If you're solo, and you decide to take a break, you are only working on your own time/result, if you are 4 or more, there are other guys to catch the slack. When you are 2, and you feel crappy, you are letting down your teammate. You have this incentive to keep pushing on.

Anyway - our guys did pretty well. They were aiming for 16 laps, but did 15 due to leg exhaustion. The did some incredible lap times and were happy with that.

They REALLY need support - people to keep the fire going so that they can cook food (soup being the item of choice), help them get back to camp (very dark and maze-like out there), and help them get up and to the start in time for the other guy's arrival.

But supporting SUCKS. You can't really get in a block of sleep, there is NOTHING to do while you wait (you can't watch 'cause the course is pretty sprawling). So Beth and I volunteered a SEVEN HOUR shift (I was in shock at the length of that!). It definately improved the experience, but we weren't around to help our guys. Maybe next year, we can take turns supporting and sleeping... that way there will always be someone up to help the guys. But can you imagine how boring it would be awake at 3am BY YOURSELF!

argh!
the frustrations of having an "active" partner!

impending burnout

its been 5 days since my last post.

Man! Am I a lame blogger!
Well, I just haven't had anything worth musing about.
Until right now... that is.

I have been feeling the grip of work pull me back in. For the first week or so of being back from vacation, I was more of a 20%er than an 80%er. I still felt relaxed, oh yes, and sleepy, for some reason. I started putting some effort in to things that were my responsibility to initiate and while I was waiting for them to come back, other things started popping up. The next thing I knew, I was forced into being a 100%er... and since I have some work to do this weekend, I suppose its actually 110% !
I am making a concerted effort to get out of there at 5pm everyday. Actually a little before 5 so that I can get out of the parking garage before the traffic. So that means that I have to stay focused for the 8+ hours that I'm there.

I've kind of been watching how it works this time, that vortex of sucking in. And I realize that its about focus. When you're doing the 20%, you let your focus go sloppy, its not really there. But when you are sucked in, you are focused. And that's it. For as long as you are there. For me, focus means multi-tasking, emailing on the phone, asking people to do things while checking email, following up with people while on the phone, making lists and post-it ('cause when I hang up the phone I don't remember what I just said I'd do), and throwing them away.
This is VERY hard to leave behind.
I wish I had a peaceful drive to help me transition. But the traffic and STOOPID drivers I have to deal with means that I am still focused on the drive. So, get home, and I'm still wound up. Yesterday, yes Friday, I got home, and got a work call at 6:30. So of course, its hard to let go.

And this is the driving force of the burnout!

is it denial, a skill, or just irritating?

I have found that there are two groups of people, those that accept and embrace reality and those that live in a dream world of their own creation.

Let me elaborate.

You have a meeting with someone where you express that you are having an issue, you explain what it is, and you talk to them about how they are going to help you fix it. Then, you go away. Now, technically "fixing" is happening. Then you see the person on another day, and they interact with you as if n.o.t.h.i.n.g is going on. "My, what nice weather we are having"

Now - is this a coping mechanism? is it denial? or is it a clever skill to help deal with those awkward moments in the elevator when you have run into each other and you don't know what to say because the ISSUE is such a LARGE elephant?!

Review of Superbowl Commercials

Whatever!

 

the only ones I found remotely entertaining where the ones created by the general public...

let's see, I don't even remember what they were for.... ummm......

Doritos, right, especially the one with the lady at the checkout.

 

The budweiser ones SUCKED!

 

and Revlon made a case for the "not fade away" wherein I actually consider using it.

overheard

...and I told her...

 

...I'm not gonna...

 

...we don't have time...

 

...and she goes...and I go...

 

...that's what they told us...

 

...like...

 

...nya nya nya nya...

for the record

1. Tues was my birthday.

uneventful.

I think that this week lived with a pallor due to the impending Wed personnel review that I was dreading !

but let the record show that I EXPECT a HUGE bash for my 40th! yes, you over, there... no, mom, not you.... take a note and mark your calendar for June '08 'cause its gonna take you at least that long to plan my smashing 40th bday CELEBRATION; I am not hinting subtley here that it will NOT be me planning it - get my drift?!

 

Highlight of the day:

took cupcakes to Flamenco, after class offered them around, and one of the very shy, new, guitarists asked me if I had "broken the back of 20 yet" !!

ha ha....

I said "yes, quite healthily!"

 

2. Wed was my personnel review

it was a 180 to what I was expecting. They (my boss and HR) were all "you're great, we see and value your strengths, ... "

and I think all those positive things sent in by the people I actually work with did their trick (thank you all the people!)

in the end... I will be given someone to team with to do business development so that I can continue focusing on managing BIG projects and programs.

so, maybe I won't quit.

this month

;-)

 

scraping the bottom of the barrel

I want to make sure that I paint a clear picture of my inner workings here on this blog... so here is the email I sent to my coworker (actually she works FOR me), on this rainy day (very rare here in the "oven")

 

"I hate you right now!

 

to think that you are all cozy at home with your sleeping baby (or sucking baby, same concept of coziness)... perhaps a cup of tea or hot choc.... listening to calming music, or NPR.....

 

yes, I'm hating you right now....

 

and - for the record, my soup was very delicious, but not filling or satisfying in a nutritional way. I needed the "corn and peas", or PROTEIN!"

HB 2 me

I'm so tired.

I shouldn't be, because I just had a WEEK LONG vacation!

I WISH I had energy to do things in the evening!
I have not been able to do more than 2 workouts in the week; that's LAME considering that BEFORE I went on vacation, I was able to think about THREE!

could it be, that today I'm 38, and being older makes me s l o w d o w n. I n e e d t o t a k e n a p s to h a v e e n o u g h e n e r g y to m a k e i t t h r o u g h t h e w e e k.

I am now OLD!

Costa Rica

The magical river



The view of the Pacific from the top of our hill

The Apprentice jumps the shark

ok, so I watch The Apprentice. And mostly, I find it entertaining. I like to see how the teams work together and I think about their choices. Having an MBA and working as a project manager, it has interest to me.

But this Los Angeles season? - SUCKS!

here's why:
1. its all the FLUFF stuff and none of the decision making
The give very little time to how the teams work out their approach etc, they are only highlighting the things that happen that you need to know to understand the boardroom, which means:
2. ITS TOTALLY PREDICTABLE
The way they are editing completely sets it up so that you know which team looses.
3. the loosing teams camps out in tents in the backyard
I would LOVE to have such a set-up campsite! but really! this is NOT survivor! its about BUSINESS! geez)
4. There is none of the business decision making process that there usually is...
Are these people just BORING? useless? or do they have a new editor/producer person who wants it to be superficial, like LA?!
5. Who CARES if the one team hears what the other team is talking about... these people are not STRATEGIZING against each other! Again, this is NOT survivor!!

come on! bring back the business!

one more Folb in Tempe than there used to be

I have three brothers. Actually, two are half brothers from my dad's 2nd marriage - but since we are a patriarchal culture, I just call them brothers.
The oldest, who is 20, is doing a semester at ASU. He says he picked ASU because its close to me, but I think that its rank in the top 5 "party" schools contributed to the decision. Either way, he's here.

He and his friends (there are 4 of them altogether) arrived the week before we left for Costa Rica, so we didn't have much time to be together. I did offer to take them to Walmart (god!) on Thursday 'cause they still hadn't purchased sheets, blankets, towels, and pillow (oh to be 20 and not care about pillows!). I also talked them into buying some breakfast items and treated them to some vodka. The drinking age in Australia is 18, so they are having a hard time dealing with this 21 thing. It didn't take them long to learn that the US is a lot more lax on rules than Oz (lesson 1).

That shopping spree was an interesting experience. They are less mature than I was at that age. I think it may be because they live in a close, closed, strong community of ex-pat south africans. They all still live at home, and they are all mid to upper middle class, so no stress about money, things, or responsibilities. I think this was the first time in their lives they ever thought about why they might like the pillow they use at home and what characteristics they should pick in the purchase of a new one.
I don't plan to see this gang of boys very often, but I figure every now and again, I'll offer them a home-cooked meal, and the sanctuary of a house and car transport for errands. I don't mind being a mom-sister.

The most interesting part about this is that when I drive around downtown Tempe now, a place I have called home for about 8 years, I see it in very different eyes. I have never really thought about the college community that is its mainstay. Now I notice how far the dorms are from food, how far they are from Mill, how hectic with cars the streets are, and how different this college is to any of the ones I attended. Its also crazy to think that my brother might be in that restaurant over there, or walking down that street, and when I drive past his dorm I can see his door, and imagine that he's asleep or watching TV, or hanging out... right there!

I have invited them over for BBQ this Sunday. I still haven't had confirmation that they are coming. I told him that I knew it was a tall order to invite him to an activity where there was absolutely NO chance that any of them would get laid, but hoped they'd take me up on the offer anyway... 'cause I could guarantee alcohol!

response to Aaron

-1

to make a HUGE life-changing choice, or not

I have some new friends. The husband works with me, and when they moved to Phoenix, they chose a neighborhood very close to our house. They have 3 kids - 10YO daughter and two younger boys. The husband went on about how his daughter was having a hard time about the move before the family made it, and I sort of reached out to her and have invited her to join us in some of our more kid-friendly antics. She seemingly enjoys the distraction, and its blossoming into a "connection". However, that's not the point of today's musing.

Yesterday, the husband told me that there is a small family at the elementary school of a sister (10YO) and brother (7YO) who's father is out of the picture, and the mother is going to jail for a year. My new friends have had the kids over to dinner at their house, and feel the difficulty of their lives. They understand that the children will enter the foster system for this next year, and they are concerned. They are thinking of adding the daughter to their family. They have a small house, and their boys already share a room, but it would be easy to add the girl in with their daughter. She was resistant at first, but apparently, understands why she should make this compromise. My friends are concerned about the boy because he is less "adapted" than his sister, and needs a lot of attention. They don't feel that they can extend themselves that much, and they are also concerned about the impact it would have on the friendship and behavior of their two boys. I understand. And I applaud them. But of course, my first thought was about that "needy" boy who will be separated from his mother and sister. I thought, "how easy if we could take him; he would still be able to go to the same school; he would be able to visit with the family of my friends, thus seeing his sister, etc"... my next thought was, But. my friends already have a family "infrastructure" that supports having a child. I don't. I don't have an arrangement for after-school care, dropping off, picking up, homework, dinner routines, after-school activities.... and am I willing to add them?

yikes! on the one hand it seems so do'able, but on the other.... very not.

I completely forgot to talk to Greg about it last night - which I had intended to do - the after-work tireds? or a sign?

home from "home"

Just got back from 8 days in Costa Rica. Trip number 3. This one was very different. Instead of feeling like a tourist in the unfamiliar, it felt more familiar and "home". That might be because instead of us as the initiates, we took along Beth and Aaron, so we were the experienced and they the novice. When you are showing and telling and explaining, you have a feeling of familiar that you don't have when you are observing and commenting and absorbing. It was really nice, though, to feel like we were "home" in an unfamiliar place where we own land.

We also went through a different travel experience on this trip than usual. Our typical MO is to fly in to San Jose and take the first available flight to the Nicoya and reverse the operation on the way back. In other words, we hadn't ever seen any other part of the country.

This time, we rented a car, stayed a couple nights in San Jose, walked around, got a feel for the capital, drove to the ferry, ferried to the Nicoya, drove to Santa Theresa, beached, reversed the drive and went north to see Arenal volcano, and back to San Jose.
Yes, it is a beautiful country. Its green, lush, tropical. I'm glad that we toured around a bit, but I think that my heart is on the southern Nicoya, and in the future, I'm happy to do the plane hopping to get to the beach ASAP.

The other thing I have to say, is that our land is INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL. It was really great to be able to walk around and experience it. We mapped all the features with a GPS. The river is so magical (will post pics later), and the most incredible part is that since this land was used by the previous owner for his horses, and not as cattle grazing, it was never clear-cut. There is an obvious line between our land and that adjacent, because ours is a JUNGLE. In the past, someone planted tree fences and so there is a line of huge trees that marks the boundary - in case the jungle was not obvious enough. We saw monkeys, coati, and lots of lizards/iguanas.

Travelling on vacation with other people was also a new experience for us. We usually go on vacation alone or with my family (except for a trip to San Carlos, Mexico, but that was with SO many people that it was an experience unto itself). Anyway, I learned things about our friends that I hadn't known or realized before, and I learned things about us that I hadn't realized before - mostly, that we are pretty quiet people. I mean, I know that our home and life is pretty peaceful, but I had never really realized how much that is a result of who we are. I always thought it was because we didn't have kids, have cats (which are fairly calm, at least calmer than dogs), and because we spend our time at home trying to be relaxed to recover from all the crap and stress that goes on at work. But on this trip, I realized that Greg and I are innately quiet. We have times of excited, energy, passion, activity, but at the core is peace, quiet, and calm, not a lot of energy.

I've also known, through learning in my relationship, that Greg does not like anything that is a hassle, or more energy than the minimum; like crowds, or bustle, or confusion. He likes to be able to quietly process and absorb. This characteristic can be frustrating to me because he gets flustered in an airport, or mall, or doesn't like to make a complicated plan. But it also creates and perpetuates the quiet and calm. I found myself wondering if I have become more quiet because of it, or if the quiet it also an intrinsic quality of me. Probably it was there, and in my experience with Greg has become emphasized.

We are also pretty go-with-the-flow people, which is kind of ironic because we are both very Type A, independent, assertive; but in a group, we tend to allow others to call the shots. Don't get me wrong, if we have needs, we make them known; but overall, we allow others to direct conversation, topics of interest, and the general flow. I've seen how we do this with my family, but then, I have always done that with them because the rest of my family all like to be the center of attention more than me. On this trip, I realized that this is actually who we are, its not isolated to family experiences.

Anyway, that's all on Costa Rica for now, have to finish laundry, do groceries, pay bills, and finish unpacking. Then, I can download distribute and share the photos!

just so's you know

I've been sick.

and still have to work

on a proposal that's due tomorrow.

I'm also packing and making lists and buying things and running errands in preparation for our trip to Costa Rica.

It's not that I've gone away or anything, just using energy on other things.

for now

how to figure it out

in thinking about this whole what do I want to do for work thing, there are all these thoughts that swarm through my head. I feel like they are mosquitoes and I'm trying to swat them and missing and they buzz in my ears some more.

 

Finding a company where you fit is like finding a relationship that works, except that with relationships, there are things you can do to get to know each other before you commit and sign the W2. How do you get to know who a company is before you make the commitment? and even if you do a ton of due diligence, management could change, and the whole atmosphere be different.

 

I think I have a pretty good idea of what my skills and strengths are, and unfortunately, I don't think that they relate to a particular specialty, like a do'er, I think that I am better at management and making things happen, planning, organizing, motivating - making things happen. So, how do you define a job that captures the directing rather than the doing?

 

as an aside - I was thinking last night, I committed to a personal trainer and working out, like a new year's resolution, TWO MONTHS ago. So, my "planning radar" is two months ahead, I think you can say.

 

anyway - today I am documenting the challenge of figuring out what is right for you. The challenge of figuring out what kind of working environment fosters your growth and helps you excel.

 

Of course, some people may just be happy with a job that pays them money. But when you have committed (money and time) to an (advanced) education to contribute to the workforce and something meaningful, or that gives you meaning, then, by golly, you want it to happen!

 

I think sometimes that if you are a parent, you can always say that your contribution is the mentoring and fostering of this other person that can be your legacy. But when you are not a parent, you need to be contributing more than just changing all your stupid lightbulbs to CF and driving below 3000 RPMs !

 

I am scared to apply for a job at another company.

I am scared of the rejection if they turn me down.

and I am scared of finding myself in this situation of being frustrated and not knowing whether its me or them.

 

I want someone to want me, I want someone to say - Lisa, you are what we want, your skills match our need. Come and work for us.

 

But there are no "bars" where "seasoned" professionals can go and "meet" prospective employers. Just stupid college fairs and internships for those young moldable idealistic sub-30's greenies.

Musings: a series: intro

We have our reviews at work in a couple of MONTHS. but my supervisor has asked that we all start a) talking to our staff and b) start thinking about ourselves.

There is a LIST of things they want us to think about, and honestly, I just . don't . know.

 

So - I have decided to ponder here amongst the musings.

 

Exhibit 1

The Questions

1. Current Job title or Role:

2. Vision Statement:

3. Business Competency Development Need:  Project Management; Industry Knowledge; Functional Skills.

4. Behavioral Competency Development Need:  Communications; Leadership; Problem Solving; Customer Focus.

5. Technical Competency Development Need:  Architecutre; Construction; Engineering; Finance; GIS; Human Resources; Marketing; etc.

6. Why were these selected for development?

7. What will be done to develop them?

8. How will success in each be measured?

 

aaaah.

how much fun in one place!

 

Exhibit 2

my supervisor's way of explainging things

Imagine two sets of three circles set one represents your Need, Desire, Skills set two represents the company's Opportunity, Desire, Skills

We want our people's intersection to match the company's intersection.

 

for the record:

there will be two contexts....

 

context 1 = the actual answers to the questions

context 2 = what I can actually put on my review.

because I can tell you now, if I asked them to use me the way that matches all these answers, I know right now that there is not a job for me here.

Blog Review

I have recently dedicated some time to Sweet Juniper.

This is a site maintained by the Parents (Dutch and Wood) of Juniper.

It seems that they may have started the site to keep in touch with each other when he went back to work (?) - maybe.

Anyway.... I noticed it in the past through links, and I was intrigued by the photography. They take photos of interesting things always with Juniper in the frame. The photos are interesting because its not a photo of Juniper, so she is always somewhat distracted, or not posed. But she is ALWAYS wearing something interesting. That's what hooked me first. The incredible outfits they have on this child.

 

They don't have the site on a feed, so I never "watched" 'cause I rely on my feed reader.

Then I visited again, and noticed a post by the dad, Dutch, on Christmas presents for the daughter. And what they did for year 1, and maybe also year 2, is instead of buying her toys - which she didn't need - they spent her present money on clothes from people who sew and sell their wears/wares. This hooked me even more because I thought it was an interesting value to a) not want to buy your kid pounds of plastic and b) put value on what she wears by supporting small time manufacturers.

 

So - I gave the site some time the other day, and I have to say, he is a GOOD writer - hooks you, keeps you hooked for LONG passages, and these people believe and act on their values.

 

I have never felt a blog worthy of musing... but this one is - I think.

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Posted By Musing to Musings at 1/03/2007 09:34:00 AM

A New Adventure

The endless adventures of Bogie Van.
Yesterday, we decided we'd resurrect the Boogie to make a New Year's celebration.
We had to get a new battery, vacuum, & Greg HAND pumped the tires.
We went the 4 miles to pick up our friends - no problem.
And then we went the 1 mile to the restaurant.
Oops Greg went right by the turn, now why was that?
No brakes!
We slowed & Greg turned in to an empty parking lot and put on the emergency brake.
Whew! no issues!
We walked the 1/4 mile to the restaurant & some other friends took us to get another car.
Today, Boogie got towed.

"Dude, what happened to you last night??"