Weird

Greg ran another marathon on Sat. He improved his time by 10 minutes, which is really impressive, considering that I can't even run his pace for 1 mile without being exhausted. So, I've been wanting a massage for a while, and a friend recommended a guy from her chiro's office who does housecalls. Well, that's just too weird if I invite this guy over to give me a massage, so I thought it would be less weird if he gave one to Greg too. So I scheduled for Sunday after the marathon. Greg was pretty adamant that he wanted to be outside in the shade, so whatever, the massage therapist was down with that. And I let Greg go first 'cause I figured he needed all the guys strength more than I did. We traded places pretty seamlessly, and I lay outside listening to the birds - man there were a lot - and feeling the breeze, and thinking about the backyard in general.

We want to redo the whole thing and we've decided to get a designer to help us. We want to make the patio, pool, and yard cohesive and divide it up into garden rooms that make you want to wander around and have discovery experiences. That's all "one day" stuff. For some reason, I got to thinking about this little metal shed that's in the corner of the yard near the house. We have the pool supplies in there and some of my brother's stuff. I started thinking how since we don't have a basement the garage is stuffed with junk, and that maybe it would be better to have a more efficient storage space in that yard corner. Something that could fit all the bikes. This shed is too small to stand up in, so it makes it awkward to go in and out, and you can't really put a lot of stuff in there because its just difficult to maneuver. Also, the door has come off its rollers, so it doesn't really stay open, or closed, it just falls down and we have to prop it up from the inside with a chlorine bucket. whatever... its just not efficient. And so I lay there getting my massage thinking about how we could improve this situation, and thinking that I should say something to Greg about it 'cause maybe he would have an idea.

But then, as massages go, I was relaxed and my mind went on to the next thing.

After the massage therapist left, and we had continued on with our day, I realized that Greg had been at the computer for a really long time. I went over to look at what he was doing and it looked like he was surfing for gazebos, or pagodas, and I thought - geez, he's going to come up with some scheme to put a ramada by the pool - which contradicts the whole master plan/garden room designer thingy... so I asked him what he was doing.

 

He told me that he'd been thinking that the shed in the corner of the yard wasn't very efficient and that it would be nice to have something that you could actually stand up in, with a useful door and a way to store all the bikes that we have in the garage.   (!)

and he was looking at these prefab sheds that would look really nice and be very functional.

 

I was pretty much in shock. It was just too weird that I came inside and he'd been sitting at the computer figuring out what to do about the shed thing the whole time I'd been outside thinking about the shed thing.

 

I mean, I know that they say when you've been with someone for a while you can finish each others thoughts and know what the other person is thinking, but this was just too weird.

 

Then, after measuring and talking about styles, I decided to let him keep going without me, and went to watch TV. It occurred to me that instead of a white siding metal roof "cottage" thing, maybe it would be cheaper to just lay a slab, put up some cinder blocks with a glass brick clear story, and french doors, stucco the outside and tile the roof to match the house. I figured I'd wait until Greg was done with his processing before I broached the subject. He was going in and out, measuring and looking. And then he stopped, came over to me and said: maybe we should just put up a cinder block room that we can stucco with a glass brick row for light and french doors, and a tile roof to match the house.

 

Now come on. How can it be that we have the same thought at the same time without any connective discussion - twice?!

That's just Weird.

Why can’t there be a another airport for these people?

Why do you have to put 20 metal clips in your daughter's hair? So that every time she walks through the metal detector she beeps, and you have to come back and take out some more. Do you think that this is your personal attention time from TSA?

 

You know how the moving walkway has that annoying person saying "The moving walkway is now ending", that useless PSA that you always wonder about because, hello, you are on the moving walkway, and you are looking ahead and you see that its ending. Because you've gone up escalators before and you understand the concept. Well, hello lady on your cellphone, so engrossed that you a) don't notice that the moving walkway is ending, b) don't hear the annoying announcement that the moving walkway is ending and you trip and fall and yell loudly causing a human pileup of everyone else coming off the moving walkway that is ending because you are so unaware of the world that you inhabit that you don't get that the stupid moving walkway is ending.

 

The mom with the stroller, that she wants to push through the metal detector. Are you serious?! Do you not understand the concept of metal detector? Or is your world so ensconced in plastic that you forgot that your stroller is indeed metal. And why do you look so shocked that you have to now carry your child through the metal detector? What were you thinking, that you could put him through the x-ray machine with the stroller? I mean come on, how much time do you need to process this conundrum? Just take the kid out – hold him – and put the stupid stroller on the stupid belt.

 

Ah – you know the sign at the beginning of this queue that says "preferred", you know the lady who was asking everyone in this queue if they had preferred status? That was for a reason! So why do you look shocked and appalled that the TSA ID checker is telling you to go in the other line, and come on! why are you arguing with him?! It's a pretty clear situation. Don't you understand that we have this status because we are ALWAYS on airplanes and we want to be able to avoid the people like you who are trying to slow down our process of getting home?!

The rough part of DINK

him: I have so much to do today, I'll probably be home late.

 

me: I'll probably be late too.

 

him: I might have to work this weekend to keep my head above water. I feel like a Lisa.

 

me: let's build a cube environment in the living room so we can be more productive!

some things that have happened lately

I'm going to resist my nature and not make this an organized list.

 

I got my new tires installed yesterday, and its taking some getting used to. Who would have thought that run-flats were so yucky?!

I don't feel the bumps of cat-eyes, manholes, uneven pavement like I used to.

I don't "loose control" in road ruts

It almost feels like my car is bouncy!

I REALLY want to take them somewhere where I can test the corner handling!!!!!

 

This is Daniel's last week at ASU. We are going to help him move out of his dorm tomorrow, and on Sat, he and 5 friends are going to camp in our back yard.

I think we'll lock the cats in the bedroom with us and leave all the doors open so that they don't keep us awake coming in and out to the bathroom etc.

I can't believe that this time has gone by so fast!!!

I didn't see him nearly enough... but I have to say, that I like the changes that I have observed from his first week to now. I hope they stick when he goes home.

 

Yesterday was the MOST incredible work day I have had in a long while. I do not believe there was a single moment when I was in control of the task I was performing - I mean, I didn't select what I was working on; every moment was a reaction to someone who came in to my office; and there were always two people waiting in the hall.... I got home at 7:30, ate a burrito that Greg made for me, and went to bed and asleep at 8:30.

 

I have been tracking what I eat - calories, fat, protein, and carbs. My trainer wants me to eat at least 1500 calories with 40% each protein and carb, 20% fat. Let me tell you how hard that is! all three of those criteria! I am most typically 1000 calories, 20% each fat and protein, and 60% carb. EVERYTHING has carbs except straight MEAT. So you are always adding to the carb column and usually just a little to the protein - unless you eat MEAT!

 

that's it.

I crack myself up

My stepmother LOVES to shop. While she was shopping here, she accumulated a lot of those nice square-bottom bags they give you at boutiques. She asked me if I kept them. I thought this was really weird 'cause why would I want a bunch of Victorias Secret bags lying around! She says she keeps a stash under the bed to carry things in when she needs an extra bag, because they have nice handles, etc. I thought this was a strange concept because I have actuals BAGS for that. It occurred to me, that if you have value for the Gap, Macy's, Burberry, Juicy, you might want people to see you walking around with one of the bags for random stuff 'cause it meant you'd bought something there. Whatever, I don't have that way of thinking - I thought to myself...
Until, I was in my closet, looking in the back behind the dresses, and I found THIS,



A shopping bag from the MINI dealer! Saved, I suppose for another use... to carry around other stuff so that people know I bought something there! I guess its all about the image you want to project.
=)

Was it the right decision?

Sometimes, I guess, you get a chance to go backwards in time and reevaluate a decision.

 

This past weekend, we went to THE American archaeology conference. I gave a paper and Greg had a booth. The last one I went to was 10 years ago. Isn't that crazy?

 

I was expecting to sit in my session, give my paper, and spend the rest of the time waiting for Greg.

Well, that didn't happen.

I ran into so many people that I know, from so many different contexts, it was insane!

People I haven't seen in over 10 years.

I even decided to go to some sessions other than my own and see what research people are working on.

 

So what was the decision I got to reevaluate?

 

About 6 years ago, I decided to stop pursuing my career as an archaeologist. I decided to go into management in a general sense. So, I stopped doing research, I stopped reading research, I stopped going to the regional conferences, and I stopped staying in touch.

 

Sitting in these meetings, I got to think about whether or not that was the right decision - for me.

 

I would expect that some of the people I ran into thought that it was a loss that I am not doing research and contributing to the field. I know that people thought I was really good at that.

 

I have learned that there are a lot of things I am good at. There are a lot of things that I could spend all day doing. Starting with being a school teacher, being a mom, baking, cooking, sewing, being a research archaeologist.

 

But you know, just because you're good at something, doesn't mean that its something you should be doing all day.

 

I don't want to do any of those things above all day.

 

In sitting in those sessions and reevaluating my decisions, I realize that I have made the right one. Being a Project Manager uses my strengths, uses my skills, and provides me with challenges that I want to take on, and that's the difference. I know what the challenges are for the listed items above, and I don't really care to take them on.

 

What I'm doing now gets me out of bed in the morning and makes my commute in traffic worth it.

 

That may be a change from some of the posts I've put up in the past - so I'll tell you that a couple months ago, I started working with a new project manager on projects for a different client. And I am having fun. Last week, I was officially moved over to the Civil Department. I am no longer a group lead, I am no longer a division head, I am no longer responsible for business development in a field I think is STUPID! I no longer supervise the emotionally unstable girly boy who yelled at me!

 

and yes, I am happy about all of the above.

Adam works magic with the universe

My youngest brother, Adam, was scheduled to return to Australia on a Thursday.

He really didn't want to go.

He wanted to stay the weekend and continue the merrymaking with his two older brothers.

My Dad told him that the cost to change the ticket was not worth it, that he had obligations to his soccer team on Sat, and that he should be in class on Monday.

 

We took Adam to the airport for his evening flight during a CRAZY wind storm that had come out of nowhere. I was almost afraid of driving my little car in the gusts. Adam was scheduled to fly to SF to catch an 11PM flight to Sydney.

 

About an hour later, he called us to say that his flight was delayed two hours, he'd miss his connected to Sydney, and the next flight they could get him on to cross the ocean was on Monday !!!

His options where to fly to SF and spend the weekend in a hotel, or come back to my house and take another flight to SF on Monday for the international flight - which coincidentally was the same one his parents were on.

 

And I'm sure you can guess what he decided to do.

 

PS

I just reread that last post...

it should be pretty easy to "type" my personality from that in case you hadn't figured it out already.

 

I'll call you attention to two items:

1. no adjectives

2. no emotions

 

and now you have a list!

Knock Knock

is anyone there?

 

oh! Aaron! hey, Hi! good to see you again!

 

Yeah, I haven't been around much lately... SO much has happened, and the thought of going through it all is daunting, and so I avoid.

 

and to briefly summarize the last 3 weeks:

Dad and stepmom + youngest brother + oldest brother and wife (M&M) all in my house for two weeks

WHERE IS THE KOSHER-FOR-PASSOVER MATZO IN THIS TOWN?!

Middle brother and all his college friends over for Fri Night - thanks to Dad and the Italian place next door, I didn't have to cook!

MORE kosher-for-passover matzo !

BBQ party for the whole family gang + all my close Phoenix friends + all of milddle brother's college friends; again! thanks to Dad, Greg, everyone who brought food, and my oldest brother, I didn't have to cook, or clean up

Everyone left except M&M and he cooked an INCREDIBLE meal everynight for a week.

Now they are off to Coachella, and we are alone in the house - good and bad - if you know what I mean.

Sat: Flamenco show in Gilbert at 11, lunch, drive to Flagstaff, late for tech rehersal at 4pm, show at 7:30, drive home, bed at 11!

Sun: LAY ON THE COUCH

 

 

I just sent this to my mom in an email, it kinda captures today:

 

Today my new rate starts, and I feel under extra pressure to be "worth" the extra $8/hr.

Plus one of the guys that I've been "shadowing" is being assigned to TX for a year, so I will be 100% in-charge of a bunch of engineering projects where I'm just winging it at every moment.

 

so - all the pressure and stress just escalated.

 

Greg and I are going to Austin on Thursday for the Society for American Arch conf. DeAnn is coming too, and I'm giving a presentation on Friday AM (!!!)

I intend to spend the rest of the weekend in the hotel room watching TV and maybe make an appnt for a massage - instead of going to any sessions !!!!!

 

I am also trying very hard to not let work interfere with my working out!

and one of my flamenco fellows asked if I would like to do semi-privates with her as well as the Tues class; I said yes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

update - for my blogreaders

I am still overwhelmed at work by the workload.

I am waiting right now for comments back on the last submittal, and in order to take a break, I'm going to give you an update.

well, not about the work stuff.... I'm not sure its a good idea to talk about that here.

 

But about life.

 

I have been in a bit of a panic the last couple of weeks, actually the last week, because my personal trainer is moving to Dallas.

I didn't really realize how, like, co-dependent I'd become until the reality of his leaving hit me.

I've been in a bit of turmoil, both because of the whole upsetness of the leaving, but then I was also, like, really SHOCKED that it was upsetting me that much.

 

first off, he's not the kind of guy that I would be friends with, but he has a lot of similar traits to me, so we connected on that level of understanding what it means to not be easy to be supervised by an employer, being conscientious, wanting things a certain way; so what I'm telling you here, is that it wasn't really who he is as a person that I was upset about... that's why it was freaking me out.

 

what I figure, is that people are all a little bit conceited. And when you find someone who helps you achieve an appearance that you didn't think you could have - like a really good hairdresser who gets the color just right - you become connected and dependent on that person because you know, or don't think, you can do it on your own.

Also - he is SO self-confident and possessive, that he was not telling me if there was someone else available for me 'cause he doesn't think anyone is as good as he is, and he didn't want to give up any of his clients. So I was panicking that I would start declining in my fitness!! Who was going to set my weights? Who was going to give me my cardio?! I started looking for books, and they were all so sucky, that made me panic some more! I was actually CRYING about it last weekend; after I'd gone to the gym, and it felt like SUCH a lonely place.

It was the same crying as when I watch a marathon, or the Ironman on TV. Like proud that you'd reached a goal, and hopeful that you can make it.

 

so in the case of my personal trainer, I started from this place of having NO muscle tone, and ab.so.lu.te.ly no endurance, and in 4.5 months, I actually have muscles that you can see on my back, my arms, my calves - yikes! I am not a SKINNY person... and let me tell you, you don't know how much ridicule I had to endure throughout my childhood (especially from my UNCLE) about being skinny!! I can run for an HOUR and a HALF, and for about 20 minutes of that at a 10 minute mile! Holy Crap!!!! before, I couldn't even run ONE, now I can run FIVE!!!!

and in retrospect, it wasn't that hard.... I just did what Mr. PT told me to do. And here I am.

So - yes, I was pretty upset 'cause I didn't want to not be this fit, ripped person.

In fact, I want to be MORE ripped and fit.

 

A couple months ago, we decided to set a goal, and I thought that it should be about body fat. I didn't want to say "run a 5K" or "lose 10 pounds" - I've been gaining weight during this whole PT thing - so I said, what is a good range for a regularly fit woman, and he said about 15-20, or something like that. so, I said, let's shoot for 19/20 by the time you go to Dallas.

We measured body fat a couple months later, and it wasn't down that much. I thought - yikes, we're not going to make it... we're not going fast enough, and I was pretty sad.

 

Well - today was my last session... we did the body fat thing, and you wouldn't believe it... it was 18!!

 

I am SO happy!!!!!

It makes me feel that anything is achievable, that I can have the body I always imagined, dreamed of; not just the one I accept.

 

Also - he introduced me to my new trainer - Chad - who was SUPER cool!!! and so I feel like I will have help! still a little apprehensive 'cause I don't know this new guy's style, or whether or not it will work... but I know that Jeff is SUPER critical, so I figure this guy has to be worth something.

 

and I have to set new goals. So how about this: Madonna arms, 6-pack abs that are visible (I think I have a 6-pack now, you just can't see it), and 10 miles...?

 

(something interesting... there are NO blog posts about Jeff - just that first one about Nicki; hmmmm....)

 

This time last year...

I was preparing to go to AMVIV.

 

You know, the meetup of MINIs in Vegas.

The whole blown tire saga...

The Strip cruise...

The track day...

Oh so much fun!

 

This year, we are passing because in a week, I will have family at my house!

That's right, we are going to be full to the gills with Folbs!

There will be 5 Folbs, a Brown and a Lee - who kinda count as Folbs too.

And then a visiting Folb from Rural & Apache; so EIGHT altogether!

Eight people in our house has to be a record.

 

We have been cleaning, moving furniture, buying furniture, and making sleeping space for all these Folbs!

 

It just occurred to me on my way to work that I need to come up with a dinner plan because on-the-fly might not work.

 

hummm....

 

any ideas?

 

 

Is it worth it?

This past week was probably one of the worst work weeks I've ever had.

I've worked long hours on projects with short deadlines, but they were never as hard as this.

I lost my patience twice, I begged, I pleaded, I reasoned, I did everything to make things happen short of throwing up and crying. And I was close on those two counts also. I feel like my ability to get something done was put to the utmost test. At every turn, there was a block, another decision that had to be made, another problem to solve. And some of the people I was dealing with? working with? were part of the problem. Do you remember that proposal I worked on last summer? how I was at home writing, coordinating with reviewers and contributors all over the country? Well, this week made that look like a walk in the park.

And no, its not over yet. I am still getting calls, emails, people involving me. And the worst part is that next week will be the same, but with all the OTHER projects I'm working on that got NO attention this week because of the INSANITY that was my job. 

Studies show...

that my frustrations with working at an engineering firm are not specific to me.

Yay.

 

Study one: AZ has a glass ceiling. One reason is because all the "big" industries are traditionally male-dominant

Study two: PEOPLE (men and women) still stereotype women as not good for leadership; and when women show leadership qualities, they are given negative labels.

 

 

Once upon a time...

there were clean dishes at the Willow Resort! Hoorah!!

The Lowes people finally called, they came, they did a fantastic job installing the dishwasher, and we've already done a load - of all the crap that has been sitting out for two weeks! Some of it had mold... I know, gross! but YOU try living without a dishwasher for THREE months.

Cats or Dogs

I am not a dog person.
I just don't like them.
I think its because they are too needy.
Believe me, I have had my fair share of dogs. And as an adult, its just not something I want in my life.

When I was growing up, we had LOTS of dogs. Big, small, german shepard, mutt, daschund, dalmation, collie, you name it. We lived on 5 acres, so the dogs just ran around... in the house, out the house, none of them were necessarily assigned to a person, they were just all "our" dogs. I remember the process of house training them when they were puppies, and I remember them sleeping outside or inside, whever we happened to be. After we moved to the city when I was 12, my parents got me a dog. This one was identified as mine. It was a miniature maltese who I named Mickey (after Mickey Mouse). I loved that dog. It would spend the night in the kitchen, and when it was let out in the morning, it would RUN to my bedroom. It was little, cute, cuddly, and mine. It got through the security gate of the front door and was killed on the road. My parents got me another one the same night (probably not a good idea, they probably should have let me grieve), this one was names Mouse, it was not a miniature, and it was never really mine. It was just one of our dogs.

So - am I not a dog person because I had a traumatic dog experience associated with attachment?

Yea. I think my aversion is more than that.
I don't like needy/clingy people either; and I can't say that my best friend from high-school with whom I blood-swore friendship forever died... so there's no residual Freudian anti thing going on... although I can have other theories there which I won't go into here....

anyway...
I have also always liked cats. And when I was VERY little, I had a white cat called Queenie. Now this cat was mine. I don't know what happened to her, she probably died, and I still like cats, so there you go, theory of dog trauma blown.
Here's how I know that Queenie was "mine" (besides my mother telling me so): there are photos of me pushing her around in a pram all covered up with a blanket. Yip, the cat let me play "baby" with her. Now, a cat would have to be "yours" to let you do that!

We have two cats now. Max and Molly Goldberg (the cats are married even though we are not).
I know that with cats they are different creatures to their people than they are to friends and family of those people. Our cats do things with us that they don't do with other people. Those little things that indicate attachment and make you feel mushy inside and love for your pet.
When I come home, they hear the garage door open from the bedroom (they sleep on our bed all day), and they are waiting for me at the door in to the house when I walk in. They will greet Greg if he comes home first, not when I'm home already, but they always wait for me. Then, Molly will RUN to the bedroom closet because she knows that the first thing I do is take off my shoes inside the closet. Then I usually pee - so her next stop is the bathroom. When I comply with her expectations, she PURRRRRRRS! Crazy loud purring!
When I am home, they follow me from room to room. They find spots to sleep close to me. If I am on the computer, Max will lie in the same spot on the carpet next to me. When Greg and I watch TV in the evening, they come for pets, and then lie on the couch with us. When we go to bed, they follow us in and curl up on the bed.

When you are in the presence of a cat that gives you attention and is obviously attached, you value and treasure that connection. They are not in your face, they are near; they do not DEMAND attention, they make subtle requests infrequently. They keep you company, and they give you affection when you are distressed. Our little family feels very purfect when we are all together. The two quiet self-contained people, and the two quiet self-contained cats.

"The story of the dishwasher"

I love Lowes

 

Once upon a time, there was a couple who's dishwasher broke. They went to Lowes and asked the salesperson: which is the quietest one, you see our kitchen and living room are all in one. They bought the recommended Bosche. The Lowes installer went to their house and they all noticed that the old dishwasher was stuck in on the top by a tile counter top and stuck in on the bottom by retro-installed real hard wood floors - ie 2 inches. Oh my, can you get that thing out? they asked the installer. No problem! he said, and after some pushing, pulling and really creative angles, out it came. He installed the new dishwasher and mounted it with an L-bracket to the counter.

 

Oh how they loved their new dishwasher. They couldn't tell when it was on it was that quiet. The dishes were all sparkly and clean.

 

A year later, they decided to remodel their kitchen. Now that was a whole saga of its own. But during the remodel, the lovely dishwasher waited in the garage to be reinstalled. Once it was back in its space, they came home to find that it hadn't been attached to the counter, so when they closed the door, the whole thing pushed back in the hole under the counter. Wazzup with that? they asked the contractor. What? you want it attached? But there's no bracket. Huh?! they replied, 'cause the Lowe's installer attached it to the counter. The contractor replied: There was no bracket, but I can make something up.

 

Now the couple had a new kitchen surrounding their lovely Bosche. They did a couple loads of dishes as they moved their stuff back into the kitchen, and the next day, noticed that the dishwasher was still draining. Huh? 12 hours later? that's not right? The contractor said it couldn't be how he installed it, and the customer service rep suggested that it may be a mechanical issue. So Mr. Appliance came to see. Look here! said the repair man. There are two holes on the inside tub! They look like they've been made by a screwdriver. Wha ?! And look here, inside the base, here is a screw and a bracket! Double Wha ?!

 

Of course the contractor denied any liability. But said he would work with the manufacturer to get a replacement. After a LONG drawn out back and forth with letters and serial numbers, ie THREE months. The manufacturer sends a replacement dishwasher. The couple decides that they will have a licensed Bosche installer do the work instead of the contractor and calls Mr. Appliance back. The first thing he does is take off the electrical cap to undo the wires. Guess what he finds? no, not some nice clean wires twisted together. He found a melted, burned, mess of wires! Oh my god! its a fire waiting to happen. The couple is furious!

 

Mr. Appliance obviously doesn't really know what he's doing. Pushing, pulling, he didn't know about the handy screw up front that allowed him to adjust the legs in the back, no he had to call his dispatcher to find out about that. He is flumuxed. He cannot get the dishwasher out of the space in the counter. This is strange to the couple because the hole is bigger than in the old kitchen's, the contractor got the dishwasher in the hole, how difficult can it be to get it out? Mr. Appliance gave up. He couldn't do it. Ok, say the couple, they didn't really want this man installing their dishwasher anyway.

 

I know, says the woman, I will call Lowes and have the same guy who did the original install come back. And that's what they did. Not only did Lowes figure out which company they had used previously, they also found the actual guy! Now that's customer service.

 

When the man came home from work that night, the couple decided to see if they could remove the dishwasher. They each took a side. Let's tip it up, the woman said. Snap! The dishwasher is out.

 

no, the dishwasher is not installed - yet. The old dishwasher is sitting outside of its hole, still connected to the sink drain, and the new dishwasher is sitting in the hallway ready for the installer. The couple are still waiting for the installer to call and schedule an appnt. Therefore....

 

...to be continued.

 

 

Yikes!

http://www.apa.org/pi/wpo/sexualizationsum.html

Late Weekend Recap

Spent this weekend in the AZ desert watching a bunch of INSANE people ride mountain bikes on a 15 mile loop, over and over for 24 hours. Some of them were more insane than others. Here's how I rank the insanity:

5. 5-person teams - insane because they think riding in circles is a fun way to spend a weekend.
4. 4-person teams taking turns doing laps. Yes, I think this is insane, but at least there are 3 other guys in it with you.
3. duo - two people taking turns. Either doing double laps to give the other guy at least 2 hours of rest, or switching every lap. And some of these guys were doing laps in 1:15, which means you only get about 1/2 hour to rest/eat/fix bike
2. solo - its all up to you. Noone else to help get those lap times up
1. single speed, no shocks, solo - yup, 24 hours of riding a hard bike with no gears to help; your number 1 insane person

My conclusion was that the Duo was the hardest to pull off. If you're solo, and you decide to take a break, you are only working on your own time/result, if you are 4 or more, there are other guys to catch the slack. When you are 2, and you feel crappy, you are letting down your teammate. You have this incentive to keep pushing on.

Anyway - our guys did pretty well. They were aiming for 16 laps, but did 15 due to leg exhaustion. The did some incredible lap times and were happy with that.

They REALLY need support - people to keep the fire going so that they can cook food (soup being the item of choice), help them get back to camp (very dark and maze-like out there), and help them get up and to the start in time for the other guy's arrival.

But supporting SUCKS. You can't really get in a block of sleep, there is NOTHING to do while you wait (you can't watch 'cause the course is pretty sprawling). So Beth and I volunteered a SEVEN HOUR shift (I was in shock at the length of that!). It definately improved the experience, but we weren't around to help our guys. Maybe next year, we can take turns supporting and sleeping... that way there will always be someone up to help the guys. But can you imagine how boring it would be awake at 3am BY YOURSELF!

argh!
the frustrations of having an "active" partner!

impending burnout

its been 5 days since my last post.

Man! Am I a lame blogger!
Well, I just haven't had anything worth musing about.
Until right now... that is.

I have been feeling the grip of work pull me back in. For the first week or so of being back from vacation, I was more of a 20%er than an 80%er. I still felt relaxed, oh yes, and sleepy, for some reason. I started putting some effort in to things that were my responsibility to initiate and while I was waiting for them to come back, other things started popping up. The next thing I knew, I was forced into being a 100%er... and since I have some work to do this weekend, I suppose its actually 110% !
I am making a concerted effort to get out of there at 5pm everyday. Actually a little before 5 so that I can get out of the parking garage before the traffic. So that means that I have to stay focused for the 8+ hours that I'm there.

I've kind of been watching how it works this time, that vortex of sucking in. And I realize that its about focus. When you're doing the 20%, you let your focus go sloppy, its not really there. But when you are sucked in, you are focused. And that's it. For as long as you are there. For me, focus means multi-tasking, emailing on the phone, asking people to do things while checking email, following up with people while on the phone, making lists and post-it ('cause when I hang up the phone I don't remember what I just said I'd do), and throwing them away.
This is VERY hard to leave behind.
I wish I had a peaceful drive to help me transition. But the traffic and STOOPID drivers I have to deal with means that I am still focused on the drive. So, get home, and I'm still wound up. Yesterday, yes Friday, I got home, and got a work call at 6:30. So of course, its hard to let go.

And this is the driving force of the burnout!

is it denial, a skill, or just irritating?

I have found that there are two groups of people, those that accept and embrace reality and those that live in a dream world of their own creation.

Let me elaborate.

You have a meeting with someone where you express that you are having an issue, you explain what it is, and you talk to them about how they are going to help you fix it. Then, you go away. Now, technically "fixing" is happening. Then you see the person on another day, and they interact with you as if n.o.t.h.i.n.g is going on. "My, what nice weather we are having"

Now - is this a coping mechanism? is it denial? or is it a clever skill to help deal with those awkward moments in the elevator when you have run into each other and you don't know what to say because the ISSUE is such a LARGE elephant?!

Review of Superbowl Commercials

Whatever!

 

the only ones I found remotely entertaining where the ones created by the general public...

let's see, I don't even remember what they were for.... ummm......

Doritos, right, especially the one with the lady at the checkout.

 

The budweiser ones SUCKED!

 

and Revlon made a case for the "not fade away" wherein I actually consider using it.

overheard

...and I told her...

 

...I'm not gonna...

 

...we don't have time...

 

...and she goes...and I go...

 

...that's what they told us...

 

...like...

 

...nya nya nya nya...

for the record

1. Tues was my birthday.

uneventful.

I think that this week lived with a pallor due to the impending Wed personnel review that I was dreading !

but let the record show that I EXPECT a HUGE bash for my 40th! yes, you over, there... no, mom, not you.... take a note and mark your calendar for June '08 'cause its gonna take you at least that long to plan my smashing 40th bday CELEBRATION; I am not hinting subtley here that it will NOT be me planning it - get my drift?!

 

Highlight of the day:

took cupcakes to Flamenco, after class offered them around, and one of the very shy, new, guitarists asked me if I had "broken the back of 20 yet" !!

ha ha....

I said "yes, quite healthily!"

 

2. Wed was my personnel review

it was a 180 to what I was expecting. They (my boss and HR) were all "you're great, we see and value your strengths, ... "

and I think all those positive things sent in by the people I actually work with did their trick (thank you all the people!)

in the end... I will be given someone to team with to do business development so that I can continue focusing on managing BIG projects and programs.

so, maybe I won't quit.

this month

;-)

 

scraping the bottom of the barrel

I want to make sure that I paint a clear picture of my inner workings here on this blog... so here is the email I sent to my coworker (actually she works FOR me), on this rainy day (very rare here in the "oven")

 

"I hate you right now!

 

to think that you are all cozy at home with your sleeping baby (or sucking baby, same concept of coziness)... perhaps a cup of tea or hot choc.... listening to calming music, or NPR.....

 

yes, I'm hating you right now....

 

and - for the record, my soup was very delicious, but not filling or satisfying in a nutritional way. I needed the "corn and peas", or PROTEIN!"

HB 2 me

I'm so tired.

I shouldn't be, because I just had a WEEK LONG vacation!

I WISH I had energy to do things in the evening!
I have not been able to do more than 2 workouts in the week; that's LAME considering that BEFORE I went on vacation, I was able to think about THREE!

could it be, that today I'm 38, and being older makes me s l o w d o w n. I n e e d t o t a k e n a p s to h a v e e n o u g h e n e r g y to m a k e i t t h r o u g h t h e w e e k.

I am now OLD!

Costa Rica

The magical river



The view of the Pacific from the top of our hill

The Apprentice jumps the shark

ok, so I watch The Apprentice. And mostly, I find it entertaining. I like to see how the teams work together and I think about their choices. Having an MBA and working as a project manager, it has interest to me.

But this Los Angeles season? - SUCKS!

here's why:
1. its all the FLUFF stuff and none of the decision making
The give very little time to how the teams work out their approach etc, they are only highlighting the things that happen that you need to know to understand the boardroom, which means:
2. ITS TOTALLY PREDICTABLE
The way they are editing completely sets it up so that you know which team looses.
3. the loosing teams camps out in tents in the backyard
I would LOVE to have such a set-up campsite! but really! this is NOT survivor! its about BUSINESS! geez)
4. There is none of the business decision making process that there usually is...
Are these people just BORING? useless? or do they have a new editor/producer person who wants it to be superficial, like LA?!
5. Who CARES if the one team hears what the other team is talking about... these people are not STRATEGIZING against each other! Again, this is NOT survivor!!

come on! bring back the business!

one more Folb in Tempe than there used to be

I have three brothers. Actually, two are half brothers from my dad's 2nd marriage - but since we are a patriarchal culture, I just call them brothers.
The oldest, who is 20, is doing a semester at ASU. He says he picked ASU because its close to me, but I think that its rank in the top 5 "party" schools contributed to the decision. Either way, he's here.

He and his friends (there are 4 of them altogether) arrived the week before we left for Costa Rica, so we didn't have much time to be together. I did offer to take them to Walmart (god!) on Thursday 'cause they still hadn't purchased sheets, blankets, towels, and pillow (oh to be 20 and not care about pillows!). I also talked them into buying some breakfast items and treated them to some vodka. The drinking age in Australia is 18, so they are having a hard time dealing with this 21 thing. It didn't take them long to learn that the US is a lot more lax on rules than Oz (lesson 1).

That shopping spree was an interesting experience. They are less mature than I was at that age. I think it may be because they live in a close, closed, strong community of ex-pat south africans. They all still live at home, and they are all mid to upper middle class, so no stress about money, things, or responsibilities. I think this was the first time in their lives they ever thought about why they might like the pillow they use at home and what characteristics they should pick in the purchase of a new one.
I don't plan to see this gang of boys very often, but I figure every now and again, I'll offer them a home-cooked meal, and the sanctuary of a house and car transport for errands. I don't mind being a mom-sister.

The most interesting part about this is that when I drive around downtown Tempe now, a place I have called home for about 8 years, I see it in very different eyes. I have never really thought about the college community that is its mainstay. Now I notice how far the dorms are from food, how far they are from Mill, how hectic with cars the streets are, and how different this college is to any of the ones I attended. Its also crazy to think that my brother might be in that restaurant over there, or walking down that street, and when I drive past his dorm I can see his door, and imagine that he's asleep or watching TV, or hanging out... right there!

I have invited them over for BBQ this Sunday. I still haven't had confirmation that they are coming. I told him that I knew it was a tall order to invite him to an activity where there was absolutely NO chance that any of them would get laid, but hoped they'd take me up on the offer anyway... 'cause I could guarantee alcohol!

response to Aaron

-1

to make a HUGE life-changing choice, or not

I have some new friends. The husband works with me, and when they moved to Phoenix, they chose a neighborhood very close to our house. They have 3 kids - 10YO daughter and two younger boys. The husband went on about how his daughter was having a hard time about the move before the family made it, and I sort of reached out to her and have invited her to join us in some of our more kid-friendly antics. She seemingly enjoys the distraction, and its blossoming into a "connection". However, that's not the point of today's musing.

Yesterday, the husband told me that there is a small family at the elementary school of a sister (10YO) and brother (7YO) who's father is out of the picture, and the mother is going to jail for a year. My new friends have had the kids over to dinner at their house, and feel the difficulty of their lives. They understand that the children will enter the foster system for this next year, and they are concerned. They are thinking of adding the daughter to their family. They have a small house, and their boys already share a room, but it would be easy to add the girl in with their daughter. She was resistant at first, but apparently, understands why she should make this compromise. My friends are concerned about the boy because he is less "adapted" than his sister, and needs a lot of attention. They don't feel that they can extend themselves that much, and they are also concerned about the impact it would have on the friendship and behavior of their two boys. I understand. And I applaud them. But of course, my first thought was about that "needy" boy who will be separated from his mother and sister. I thought, "how easy if we could take him; he would still be able to go to the same school; he would be able to visit with the family of my friends, thus seeing his sister, etc"... my next thought was, But. my friends already have a family "infrastructure" that supports having a child. I don't. I don't have an arrangement for after-school care, dropping off, picking up, homework, dinner routines, after-school activities.... and am I willing to add them?

yikes! on the one hand it seems so do'able, but on the other.... very not.

I completely forgot to talk to Greg about it last night - which I had intended to do - the after-work tireds? or a sign?

home from "home"

Just got back from 8 days in Costa Rica. Trip number 3. This one was very different. Instead of feeling like a tourist in the unfamiliar, it felt more familiar and "home". That might be because instead of us as the initiates, we took along Beth and Aaron, so we were the experienced and they the novice. When you are showing and telling and explaining, you have a feeling of familiar that you don't have when you are observing and commenting and absorbing. It was really nice, though, to feel like we were "home" in an unfamiliar place where we own land.

We also went through a different travel experience on this trip than usual. Our typical MO is to fly in to San Jose and take the first available flight to the Nicoya and reverse the operation on the way back. In other words, we hadn't ever seen any other part of the country.

This time, we rented a car, stayed a couple nights in San Jose, walked around, got a feel for the capital, drove to the ferry, ferried to the Nicoya, drove to Santa Theresa, beached, reversed the drive and went north to see Arenal volcano, and back to San Jose.
Yes, it is a beautiful country. Its green, lush, tropical. I'm glad that we toured around a bit, but I think that my heart is on the southern Nicoya, and in the future, I'm happy to do the plane hopping to get to the beach ASAP.

The other thing I have to say, is that our land is INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL. It was really great to be able to walk around and experience it. We mapped all the features with a GPS. The river is so magical (will post pics later), and the most incredible part is that since this land was used by the previous owner for his horses, and not as cattle grazing, it was never clear-cut. There is an obvious line between our land and that adjacent, because ours is a JUNGLE. In the past, someone planted tree fences and so there is a line of huge trees that marks the boundary - in case the jungle was not obvious enough. We saw monkeys, coati, and lots of lizards/iguanas.

Travelling on vacation with other people was also a new experience for us. We usually go on vacation alone or with my family (except for a trip to San Carlos, Mexico, but that was with SO many people that it was an experience unto itself). Anyway, I learned things about our friends that I hadn't known or realized before, and I learned things about us that I hadn't realized before - mostly, that we are pretty quiet people. I mean, I know that our home and life is pretty peaceful, but I had never really realized how much that is a result of who we are. I always thought it was because we didn't have kids, have cats (which are fairly calm, at least calmer than dogs), and because we spend our time at home trying to be relaxed to recover from all the crap and stress that goes on at work. But on this trip, I realized that Greg and I are innately quiet. We have times of excited, energy, passion, activity, but at the core is peace, quiet, and calm, not a lot of energy.

I've also known, through learning in my relationship, that Greg does not like anything that is a hassle, or more energy than the minimum; like crowds, or bustle, or confusion. He likes to be able to quietly process and absorb. This characteristic can be frustrating to me because he gets flustered in an airport, or mall, or doesn't like to make a complicated plan. But it also creates and perpetuates the quiet and calm. I found myself wondering if I have become more quiet because of it, or if the quiet it also an intrinsic quality of me. Probably it was there, and in my experience with Greg has become emphasized.

We are also pretty go-with-the-flow people, which is kind of ironic because we are both very Type A, independent, assertive; but in a group, we tend to allow others to call the shots. Don't get me wrong, if we have needs, we make them known; but overall, we allow others to direct conversation, topics of interest, and the general flow. I've seen how we do this with my family, but then, I have always done that with them because the rest of my family all like to be the center of attention more than me. On this trip, I realized that this is actually who we are, its not isolated to family experiences.

Anyway, that's all on Costa Rica for now, have to finish laundry, do groceries, pay bills, and finish unpacking. Then, I can download distribute and share the photos!

just so's you know

I've been sick.

and still have to work

on a proposal that's due tomorrow.

I'm also packing and making lists and buying things and running errands in preparation for our trip to Costa Rica.

It's not that I've gone away or anything, just using energy on other things.

for now

how to figure it out

in thinking about this whole what do I want to do for work thing, there are all these thoughts that swarm through my head. I feel like they are mosquitoes and I'm trying to swat them and missing and they buzz in my ears some more.

 

Finding a company where you fit is like finding a relationship that works, except that with relationships, there are things you can do to get to know each other before you commit and sign the W2. How do you get to know who a company is before you make the commitment? and even if you do a ton of due diligence, management could change, and the whole atmosphere be different.

 

I think I have a pretty good idea of what my skills and strengths are, and unfortunately, I don't think that they relate to a particular specialty, like a do'er, I think that I am better at management and making things happen, planning, organizing, motivating - making things happen. So, how do you define a job that captures the directing rather than the doing?

 

as an aside - I was thinking last night, I committed to a personal trainer and working out, like a new year's resolution, TWO MONTHS ago. So, my "planning radar" is two months ahead, I think you can say.

 

anyway - today I am documenting the challenge of figuring out what is right for you. The challenge of figuring out what kind of working environment fosters your growth and helps you excel.

 

Of course, some people may just be happy with a job that pays them money. But when you have committed (money and time) to an (advanced) education to contribute to the workforce and something meaningful, or that gives you meaning, then, by golly, you want it to happen!

 

I think sometimes that if you are a parent, you can always say that your contribution is the mentoring and fostering of this other person that can be your legacy. But when you are not a parent, you need to be contributing more than just changing all your stupid lightbulbs to CF and driving below 3000 RPMs !

 

I am scared to apply for a job at another company.

I am scared of the rejection if they turn me down.

and I am scared of finding myself in this situation of being frustrated and not knowing whether its me or them.

 

I want someone to want me, I want someone to say - Lisa, you are what we want, your skills match our need. Come and work for us.

 

But there are no "bars" where "seasoned" professionals can go and "meet" prospective employers. Just stupid college fairs and internships for those young moldable idealistic sub-30's greenies.

Musings: a series: intro

We have our reviews at work in a couple of MONTHS. but my supervisor has asked that we all start a) talking to our staff and b) start thinking about ourselves.

There is a LIST of things they want us to think about, and honestly, I just . don't . know.

 

So - I have decided to ponder here amongst the musings.

 

Exhibit 1

The Questions

1. Current Job title or Role:

2. Vision Statement:

3. Business Competency Development Need:  Project Management; Industry Knowledge; Functional Skills.

4. Behavioral Competency Development Need:  Communications; Leadership; Problem Solving; Customer Focus.

5. Technical Competency Development Need:  Architecutre; Construction; Engineering; Finance; GIS; Human Resources; Marketing; etc.

6. Why were these selected for development?

7. What will be done to develop them?

8. How will success in each be measured?

 

aaaah.

how much fun in one place!

 

Exhibit 2

my supervisor's way of explainging things

Imagine two sets of three circles set one represents your Need, Desire, Skills set two represents the company's Opportunity, Desire, Skills

We want our people's intersection to match the company's intersection.

 

for the record:

there will be two contexts....

 

context 1 = the actual answers to the questions

context 2 = what I can actually put on my review.

because I can tell you now, if I asked them to use me the way that matches all these answers, I know right now that there is not a job for me here.

Blog Review

I have recently dedicated some time to Sweet Juniper.

This is a site maintained by the Parents (Dutch and Wood) of Juniper.

It seems that they may have started the site to keep in touch with each other when he went back to work (?) - maybe.

Anyway.... I noticed it in the past through links, and I was intrigued by the photography. They take photos of interesting things always with Juniper in the frame. The photos are interesting because its not a photo of Juniper, so she is always somewhat distracted, or not posed. But she is ALWAYS wearing something interesting. That's what hooked me first. The incredible outfits they have on this child.

 

They don't have the site on a feed, so I never "watched" 'cause I rely on my feed reader.

Then I visited again, and noticed a post by the dad, Dutch, on Christmas presents for the daughter. And what they did for year 1, and maybe also year 2, is instead of buying her toys - which she didn't need - they spent her present money on clothes from people who sew and sell their wears/wares. This hooked me even more because I thought it was an interesting value to a) not want to buy your kid pounds of plastic and b) put value on what she wears by supporting small time manufacturers.

 

So - I gave the site some time the other day, and I have to say, he is a GOOD writer - hooks you, keeps you hooked for LONG passages, and these people believe and act on their values.

 

I have never felt a blog worthy of musing... but this one is - I think.

--
Posted By Musing to Musings at 1/03/2007 09:34:00 AM

A New Adventure

The endless adventures of Bogie Van.
Yesterday, we decided we'd resurrect the Boogie to make a New Year's celebration.
We had to get a new battery, vacuum, & Greg HAND pumped the tires.
We went the 4 miles to pick up our friends - no problem.
And then we went the 1 mile to the restaurant.
Oops Greg went right by the turn, now why was that?
No brakes!
We slowed & Greg turned in to an empty parking lot and put on the emergency brake.
Whew! no issues!
We walked the 1/4 mile to the restaurant & some other friends took us to get another car.
Today, Boogie got towed.

"Dude, what happened to you last night??"

Are you like me? or not?

The other night, I was listening to two people talking about morals and how you might be bothered by something on a moral level without realizing that this thing goes against your morals until someone you care about crosses the line.

I was listening to them thinking about whether or not I could identify. And I realized that I couldn't. I realized that I don't think anything has ever crossed my "moral" threshold.

Is it because I am immoral?

I think I am a very understanding person, I think that's why I am not easily offended.

And so I started thinking (during that sleepless night - remember that?) what does tick me off? do I have any lines?

I do have one....
integrity.
but even that is flexible.

Take my brother. I know that he changes his mind often, I know that he may not always do what he says he is going to do, I know that in some situation he can be unreliable. Do I say that he has lost integrity? no. because he has integrity in the way that he lives his life. These factors are just things that are a part of him. They ARE his integrity.

I know this is probably confusing. But there you have it. That's just me.

and, if you were wondering...
its tough for me to sympathize with people sometimes because something that is B.U.G.G.I.N.G them can seem to be a non-issue for me.
Its not that I have no ability to be empathetic.

DONE - for now

My cooking for crowds is over Yay!
I enjoyed putting the kitchen though its paces, and I think we were successful.
Here was the post-Boxing Day cocktail party/open house menu.

cheese coins
crab cakes
mushroom phyllo thingies (also MSL, can't find recipe due to annoying new "search" system)
eggplant dip (also MSL, can't find recipe due to annoying new "search" system)
baked brie-recipe from a friend
orange-yogurt cake (also MSL, can't find recipe due to annoying new "search" system)
brownie bites-from a box

I also put out guacamole from TJ's and See's chocolates.
Jen brought salmon tea sandwiches and an apple pie, and Adrian made baked beans with kielbasa.

One thing we didn't fix

Through all of this holiday cooking, I've realized that there is one thing in our kitchen that is wrong - that we didn't fix. Although, I don't think we could have fixed it.

The oven is at the short end of the island.
In itself that is not an issue.
But for some reason, people like to stand in that spot. So if you need to open the oven, you have to ask the people to move. And for some reason, people forget that you just asked them to move, so as soon as you close the oven, they are back standing over there.
Now add to this that the oven temperature varies, so you have to keep looking at the thermometer inside... so when you are baking or cooking in my oven, you need to open it a lot!

on the left is the location of the oven in relation to the island; on the right is how much space you have to stand there with the oven open. Since I am fairly small, you can see the issue.

In my sleeplessness of the other night, I was pondering this issue. Mostly, I was wondering why people stand there. If you are paying attention to where you are in space and there are things going on around your back - THAT close to your back - wouldn't you move, and stay moved?

oh.
while I was taking those photos, I realized I could capture the reflection of both skylights in the counter:

Sleepless Nights

I could NOT sleep last night. I thought about this, and that, and this again.
I had all these ideas for things to post on my blog... and then composed them. Complete with spellcheck! I actually contemplated getting up and typing... but thought, well - if I lie here still I might fall asleep - three hours later...

anyway, its morning, I did sleep, and now I'm waiting for a 10:45 vet appointment, and I have to stop Max from peeing before then so that they can do a urine sample and make sure that his "inappropriate elimination" is not due to medical reasons. Yea, we know its behavioral, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt - first.

So, I'm going to do some typing, cleaning, things where I will be still, so they will just lie with me and not want to be outside or wandering.

That's all for now, but stay tuned for some "dailies".

Holiday Season

Well this has been a very different holiday season.
Usually, we have some sort of gift experience, a lot of family time, and a few social events.

This year, we had LOTS of social obligations before the holidays.
We planned a cocktail party/open house here for all our friends as that one social event.
But all those plans went awry.
We only made it to one pre-Xmas party, and we’re hosting THREE.
I was talking to a friend about getting together on Xmas eve, and decided we’d host a dinner. On Sat, the guest count went from 6 to 8, to 12, to 13, to 10. Luckily, our menu was planned to feed an army, so we are just eating the leftovers for the rest of the week.

Tomorrow I start shopping & cooking for the party, and then or New Year’s Day we do a small gift exchange. Those are all the social events.

In the meantime, I’m using the days to catch-up on errands. Today, we rented a carpet cleaner! and removed the evidence of “kitchen” from the porch “carpet”! How’s that for “spirit?!”

are your worries really that bad?

An old Jewish saying goes:

if you and everyone else hung your worries on the worry tree, and then you could pick the ones you wanted,
you would select your own.

aHa!

... an email about my credit card bill.

 

aaaah... so THAT'S why I put up with it!

 

yup - in my values, that is a good reason.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WARNING: this post contains 100% sarcasm.

Such a Challenge

Its getting to the breaking point,

the tipping point,

where I just can't take it anymore.

 

I wonder all the time if it is more because of me, or more because of the nature of the business.

 

I wish there were women leaders out there who were able to mentor, and assist the rest of us in these blatant chauvanistic experiences.

Sometimes I think about writing to Martha Stewart and asking her to write a book, or something other than magazine froo froo, about the realities of being a female leader.

I wish there was someone I could talk to, to say, this is what happened to me right now; how should I respond.

 

I am pretty sure that being surrounded by male managers means that in an adapt-or-die kind of way, I take on the traits; which of course make me rejected because I am behaving out of the expected form.

If I was in an environment where there were other, like even just one other, technical lead who was a woman, we could at least band together to try and make change.

 

When you talk to upper management about it, they just think you're whining.

 

I realize that I have 2 options, take it or reject it. If I take it, they will think that they can treat me that way; so I try to assert myself, I try to not accept the derogatory. And then I get labelled as ... (I can't even think about the words right now - I make a concerted effort to use positive words instead of their negative counterparts; the positive words would be strong, direct, assertive). This is not how their wives behave, and so why do I?!

 

Today, a guy (a peer - sorry, that's not true, in a strict examination of the office org chart, I am actually above him) told me, basically, that I was not to talk to this, like, administrative person at a prospective client ever again.

I am the person who has submitted proposals to this person, I am the one who has talked to her about our company, I am the one that she calls. And because of something completely out of my control, he has decided that I am not qualified or good enough or smart enough to ever . talk . to . her . again. He said - send me the person's contact info, and I'll call her.

How do you respond to this.... ??? do you just do it? or do you put up a fight?

 

I told him not to treat me like an idiot. I said, how is it going to look, you who she doesn't know and has never even heard of, calling out of the blue to tell her that I am wrong and that she shouldn't talk to me anymore? No matter how you phrase that, you are communicating that Lisa is not competent - ie in the future when she submits a proposal to you, don't trust it.

His response "don't get defensive" "this is water under the bridge" and then in the next sentence he says: "in the future, when she calls you, it is not about your field. It is about my field, and you should refer her to me."

I'm sorry... when did he become psychic? when did he suddenly know everything that is going on in the mind of this woman that he has never met? at this client that we don't work for.

 

I'm going to stop now 'cause its just making me angry.

 

and Martha Stewart, if you have snoops out there searching for your name in random contexts, please! please! please! share your experiences. We don't care if you were called a bitch. We don't care if they say you are cold and uncaring. We don't care if they chastise you for putting business first, and your personal life second.

 

Because they have called us those things too.

A theory on a new topic - "terrible" twos

Here's a thought.
When your kid is a baby, not communicating intent, only demanding fulfillment of basic needs, you make all the decisions. You can pick the kid up and move it, you can feed it what you like, you give it something to play with, you are calling all the shots.
Once the kid starts to think, it wants to have more autonomy. Ok, so I know that's the definition of terrible two... kid claiming independance. But usually people put that on the kid... the kid is naughty, the kid has a temper, the kid is demanding, the kid won't do what its told.
My thought, is maybe this is really about the parent. You are stuck in a rut, you are used to a type of behavior, you are not used to letting your kid call the shots. Think about a six year old. You allow the kid autonomy, and you talk to them about things you want them to do. "Please will you put on your shoes" - whereas with the 2YO, YOU try to put on the shoes.
So maybe an idea would be to start reasoning with your kid early on so that when you hit that autonomy age, the kid has the feeling of decision because you are talking to it, rather than just doing.

Perhaps you've already figured this out, and I'm the one who's lagging.

Another Theory about Management

Do you know how to tell when the employees of a company suck, ie they are not very good at doing their job?

When the management give you instruction, they explain every . tiny . d.e.t.a.i.l.

this is another one of those self supporting cycles. They treat you like you can't do anything without explicit instruction, you keep getting explicit instruction, so you stop thinking for yourself, they think you can't do anything without them, so they give you explicit instruction, and the cycle continues.

If you want examples, let me know (via email) 'cause I'm not making those public.

My dream Job!

For the past couple of days, I've been talking a lot about my thoughts on a piece of technology. The discussions have been with a couple of different people; they are engaged and interested in my answers, and I get completely taken away by how exciting it is to talk about my opinion on the subject.

 

I feel kind of weird that I enjoy the conversation to much, and I started wondering last night why it makes me so excited.

 

I think one of the factors is that when someone is paying attention to your opinion like that it just gives you lots of energy. You are getting complete attention, you are engaged, and you are connected. The other part is harder to understand...

 

I think it is because I like to figure things out; I like to solve problems; I like to look for the problems, and think about ways to solve them. I also like to put things together, think about efficiency, think about process.

 

I remember when we were kids, my parents would always buy my brother model airplanes. He used to throw them together, getting glue everywhere, ripping the emblems. Sometimes they would sit there unmade. I don't think it was something that excited him, it was just something that he'd been given to do and occupy his time. I LONGED for those airplanes. I wanted them SO much. I wanted to carefully take apart the pieces from the frame, carefully follow the instructions, carefully assemble them. I am pretty sure that I must have asked for one because I wanted them so badly. But I know I never got them.

 

When I could buy my own things (!) for myself (!) I bought the model of a Dodge RAM and put that together.... but I have found something that is even more fun than a stupid useless airplane, or a silly car............. IKEA FURNITURE!

I think that stuff is worth the money just for the enjoyment of assembling it !!!!

 

so, I figure I have always enjoyed the process and the problem solving. And technology changes so much all the time, there is always something to figure out. This current trend of discussion about my thoughts and opinions.... I am LOVING it!!!

 

I wish I could make it my JOB!

the season

I have been pretty behind on my blog reading and writing this past week.

 

My new workout regime has kept me pretty busy, and tired/drained.

 

I caught up on my reading this weekend, and realize that everyone is getting ready for the holidays with decorating, and cooking, and shopping.

 

I plan to make all my gift purchases online because I am in NO mood for parking and malling!

A couple weeks ago I went to the mall on a Sat afternoon with the intent of running into the Gap and replacing a pair of jeans that had ripped. I drove through half of the parking lot and there were no spaces! Plus there were people stalking the mall leavers to follow them to their parking spaces. So I said, screw it, and left. Its not like I needed those jeans NOW! I starting thinking that 10-noon on a Sunday would be a good time to go 'cause all those people would be at CHURCH! ha ha.

 

Anyway.... I am behind on doing my cards! I am behind on doing my online shopping! I am only not behind on my kitchen! which is all moved in and ready to function.

This weekend is the cookie baking extravaganza. See archives for past editions (posting from email therefore no quick access to link links).

 

I have so much going on, I actually think I'm going to take a calendar and write it all down!

Its probably not as much as the past, but I have a harder time getting things done now that I'm OLD!

 

I'll let you know how it all goes.

Kitchen - at 98%

Before, During, and After
We are 98% done with construction - and 100% moved in!

I'm thinking about it

(the kitchen is move-in-able, so I just washed just about everything I own - note to self, wear gloves! - and I'm waiting for it to dry; this is not easy!)

What is it that I had in my 20s that I don't have now.

I don't think I understood about being a woman when I was in my 20s. I wouldn't say I was a tomboy, but I didn't see any difference between men and woman. I didn't know what it was that made me interesting or appealing as a woman. I do now, but my body is starting to look its age. If you don't know me, that may be a strange statement, but I have always looked very young. In fact, about 6 years ago, someone asked me if I was 18, and 2 years ago, someone asked me if I was 24 (I will be 40 in 2 years), so that's some real young looking. But, I think over the last year, I have started to look my age. This is one of the reasons I got the PT... I want to be in shape when I turn 40. I want to be firm, fit, and energetic. I am REALLY worried about the progression of the metabolism slow-down. I don't want it to upset me as much as it did in my 20s.

I also think that when I was younger I had a confidence with serious blinders, and through time, I've been "hit" by confidence busters. I was definately more carefree in my 20s, more confident, and I think I was "lighter"...

I look at all the young-uns at the gym and I think, I used to be that confident; I wish I could tell them how to hold on to it.

retrospection

When I was in my 20s, I wanted to be the person that I am today.

Today, I want to be the person I was in my 20s.

 

December, the month of missing

When I was a kid, we lived in a very rural part of South Africa... all of the people around us were Christian. Like here, all the ad's, media, and talk in Dec was about being festive. Keep in mind, that being in the S'rn hemisphere, South Africa was in the middle of summer during the Christmas holidays.

So, American and British TV were going on about snow, decorations, trees, presents, spicey smells, apple pie, roast dinners, and all things warm, cuddley, homey, and cozy.

 

We didn't have any of that.

It was sunny, hot, this was the season of the beach holiday. There were no pine trees, and being Jewish, there were no presents (exchanging gifts at Hannukah is not a universal amongst the Jews, its pretty isolated to the US materialistic capitalistic culture), family gatherings, big roast meals, or applie pies (definatly also a US phenomenon).

 

I felt very left out.

 

Another factor, I suppose, was that I don't have a big family, so there were none of those "home for the holidays" overflowing house experiences of idiosyncratic relatives and all of that were not occurrences of December. Yes, we had that WHOLE experience, complete with incredibly delicious food at the annual Seder at my Dad's cousin's... but you know, TV, movies, and the media didn't really go all out for that like they did for Christmas.

 

Now, my parents, being all caring, would give us a token little celebration. We would get a few presents... all in the name of "this is for your grandmother's sake"... and she would have a little tree, and we'd go over to her house and open up the presents... but for me, it wasn't the same without the big dead pine tree, the decorations, the smells, and the hordes of relatives (my mother's sister had kids when I was older, so even on the maternal side, there wasn't a lot of family running around these little gatherings).

 

When I went to college, there were a couple years where I spent the holidays with friends or boyfriends, and I really enjoyed those. They were also small family gatherings, but it was cold and snowy in Massachusetts, Connecticut, and New Hampshire. There were trees, and family ornaments, and presents.

 

As I get further away from having the need to experience organized religion, I still miss that feeling of home and cozy in December. Having my own home would seem like a good reason to do the whole thing.... but when you don't really practice a Christian religion, it just seems weird to do the whole thing. One year, my aunt and uncle came over from South Africa, and that seemed like the biggest reason of all to go ALL OUT. I got a tree that was as high as our ceiling. My first! I didn't want to buy ornaments, so I baked gingerbread cookies, and had friends help me string popcorn cranberry garlands. I added lights and some candycanes. It was very beautiful.

...but after all was said and done, my mom started having horrific allergy attacks, and the only thing we could figure caused them, was the tree... so out it went.

 

Over time, I have found a compromise. I still live in a snowless environment, although it is cold here... at night. But I can make my home have that cozy feel, and I fill my house with my friends by having at least one holiday "party", and I'm over presents, although we do them on a very small scale.

 

...as a result, I don't "miss" so much in December anymore.

Happy Birthday, Mom

Today is my Mom's birthday.

She has always been a creative person. Mostly using fabric as her medium. When I was young she was always doing an embroidery or tapestry of some sort, and I remember applique became the rage for a while, combined even with the embroidery. When we moved to America she made the obligatory geometric quilt, that oh so American of handiwork traditions. But my mother is not ordinary, and she is not geometric, so that wasn't going to do. She has been playing with different types of concepts now that all of these fabric and thread art forms have smoldered inside her left brain, and they have emerged from her into an expression of original creativity. She has become making fabric art. Since I think sometimes that I am the guinea pig receipient of the first try, like the first pancake in the batch, I would like to say that it started with a tapestry she made for us and our first home. I don't know that we ever hung that up in that house, but our new house had the perfect spot.










...and then she told me she wanted to try crazy quilts, and wanted to make me pillows, so I said, make them like Sassy toys.



...and then it just evolved into a fabric art craziness!!!







.... and now... someone saw her art at the coffee shop and she's having exhibits all over the place!!

So - in homage to my Mother...
happy birthday, and may the creative force be with you propelling you into retirement from one career, and into another that motivates, releases, and invigorates you.

Getting into the spirit of the season

Its more sparkley in real life. And it does what I wanted... Tannenbaum that represents winter and desert. Do you think this works?

It kinda makes the house feel more festive.