2011 Remembered

2011 is always going to be noteworthy as the year I got up off the proverbial couch, and became athletic. It's a different story about how I got to be on Team Z, but once I'd drunk the kool-aid, it didn't take much for my coach and a friend to talk me into doing a half ironman-distance (Rev3 in Anderson, SC) by the end of the year. The experience of taking on the challenge, training for it, and then actually doing it was the most crazy thing I have ever done in my life. Here's part of the race report I sent to friends and the team:

I don't think I have ever been as nervous for anything in my life, and I don't think I could have gotten here, or gotten through without the support of Eric, my friends, and Team Z.

We drove the bike course the Fri before, and I was so overwhelmed by the end that my brain shut down.... The hills don't stop. There was, like, one flat area.
The night before, and then standing at the lake, I kept thinking... One event at a time, and no matter how tough the bike is, you will get it done! And then you KNOW you can do the run.

The swim was great. The water was the perfect temperature, and tasted great! :-)
My sighting was mostly right on, and I didn't get tired or sore at all. I spent a lot of it thinking about an email Fredrik sent me once where he was exclaiming and put this "!!!!!1111eleven11!!!!!!" I thought that was so funny, the most intense expression of exclamation! and kept thinking that's how I felt about the bike course. It made me laugh right there in the lake.
As I got close to the last turn, I started feeling anxious and didn't want the swim to end... I thought... One event at a time, keep moving forward.

Seeing Eric at the exit, and then Coach Ryan made me smile, I stopped thinking about my anxiety, and started thinking about getting through T1 (and Ryan can keep his opinions about my portypotty stop to himself! I have no shame for my 9 min T1 time).

The bike... From our driving, I knew the major challenges at the front end of the course. The turn out of T1 - up a hill and a sharp right: done, easier than expected; the steady climb right after that: focused on keeping HR down, and changing gears; then got to the turn close to the Bad Hill, and there's Eric! Totally made me laugh, and I got a good speed going down and up the other side with gears to spare. I made it to mile 23, 10 mins ahead of my goal time. I was still feeling good, and beating that Bad Hill gave me the confidence to keep going.
The hills sucked, some roads were almost gravel, and we had horrific winds that seemed to keep shifting direction.

Somewhere after mile 30 one of the cops asked me if there was anyone behind me. I thought this was weird, because my goal time was well within the cutoff, I was ahead of my goal, and there were a lot of people who came out of the water after me... But it got in my head. Now I started noticing that the cops were all distracted at the interchanges, some not even getting out of their cars when I came along, and at some intersections, the was no presence.

I rationalized all these things, and kept going on. At around 42 we went through the cute town of Pendleton, I could think of one more challenging hill, and there was Eric again with cheers... Yay! Empowered to continue on.

Right out of Pendleton we had a right turn... No cops. Past the last aid station, and then down the hill to a sharp left we were warned about in the athlete's guide. It was a 4-way stop, there were no cops. I went through cautiously. This one I could not rationalize. The cops had left the course. Given that cars and traffic on the road with me on my bike is my biggest fear, this was very hard. At this time I caught Misha on this long 3mile climb and I was riding about a bike length behind him. I was so mad at the wind, the never ending hills and the lack of support. I was having a really hard time. I felt abandoned by the race, like they cared only for the pros, and that those of us at the back didn't matter. I wondered how they had handled the traffic while the field had gone by, because for us, it was like a regular training day. The last 6 miles were all in town, and there was only one light with a cop. Misha caught up to me because I stopped at the lights. He ran them. I just couldn't do it... Being tired, generally anxious with traffic, I just couldn't run these red lights on these two-lane divided highways.

I wondered if the course had been closed, if I'd miscalculated and missed the cutoff... I wondered if we'd be allowed to run, and if we did, if there would be cops controlling traffic (the run was setup in the center lane through town). We got to the race venue and had to slow down as all the finishers and spectators were walking to their cars and breaking down their transitions.
I saw Eric, and told him what was going on... I was so upset I couldn't breathe. I told him I was afraid to go on the run and he said he'd talk to the race director. He said "you made it, let it go, focus on your run."

The first couple miles were hard. My thoughts kept going to "they don't care about us", how hard I'd worked, and that if the race didn't think I'd make it maybe I couldn't. I'm a loser, I am embarrassed, And then I would start hyperventilating.... So I focused on deep breathes, not thinking, and moving forward.
There were a LOT of aid stations, and the volunteers were energetic, supportive, and giving. It made me realize it wasn't the race that was unsupportive, it was the cops only. After a spaghetti confusing run through the parks, we got out on the road... I started seeing Team Z green. What a sight!

Seeing Team Z's was so uplifting that the emotional crap subsided, and I started worrying that I'd screwed around walking up hills and feeling sorry for myself so long I'd miss the cutoff. My watch was telling me numbers I couldn't figure out! And I knew Eric would be at the Anderson turn around so I'd ask him then. The aid stations were great! The people had as much energy as if I was the first person running by! I saw Bob Young, Sarah, Holly, Melissa... So great!
I decided to think of the run as 3 5-mile runs, and I was at 2 of the second one. I was so focused on my 5 miler, that when I passed the 8, it occurred to me I only had 5 to go!
Then I saw Eric, he told me I had 1.5 before the cutoff. Piece of cake! He drove ahead and waited and encouraged me along all the way until I had 1.5mi to go. This had so totally picked up my spirit, that I had pretty much stopped walking.

At mi 12 I heard the call of the vuvuzela! I figured it was someone on the team at the tents. Next thing I see is Coach Ryan with a red wig coming my way. "stop walking! Do not walk up the hill! You have 1 mile, do not walk!"

Coming to the last hill, seeing Eric again, around the corner and I could see all the finished Z's cheering me on. I could feel the emotion building again and had to focus on making it stop. Jeff came and told me he was going to run the rest with me, and I told him I couldn't get emotional because then I couldn't breathe. He asked me how I could run at this pace the whole way, I looked at my watch 8:35. Geez... I couldn't believe how fast I was running and realized how much support does for you!

I ran up the chute and could feel the emotion building again! I gave Eric a big hug, and I couldn't believe I'd done it.

The clock time said 8:48, my goal was 8:00. I was consoling the disappointment with the fact that it was a hard challenging course, and I had done it!
When we got back to the hotel, Eric looked up my time 8:04... The clock was from the Pro start!! OMG, I was so happy!!!
I would have beat my 8:00 goal if there was traffic control! How cool is that?!

Overall it was a hard, lonely race. There were only 3 people cheering, and one was Eric.
Thank God for Eric! Seeing him all over was amazing! And having Ryan yell at me at the end was another big vote of confidence!

Finishing that race has given me a new perspective on myself. I have learned so much about my limits, how I deal with them, how I deal with adversity, and respect for my body when I give it the opportunity to do what it's designed to do.

I can't wait to give the next one a try... to take the lessons I learned from this one, and see what happens next!
July 2012 will be Musselman Half in Geneva, NY. Can't wait.

Impressed

I have been reading this blog for a long time. A man who consciously decided to give up his career in corporate law to become the homemaker so that his wife could pursue her dream job.

What amazes me every time I read a post is how he has chosen to actively engage in living and experiencing with his children.

He does not have a stroller, preferring to carry the kids or have them walk. He builds things to make their play come to life, he looks for activities that allow them all to learn about the city they live in and experience all that it has to offer. He teaches them the value of community by building relationships with their local retailers, beautifying their surrounding with flower bombs, and finding things to do where they live rather than in the town one over. They pick their own, buy from the farmer's market, or grow their food... and then make jam and preserves to last through the winter.

There is nothing unusual, special, or difficult about what he does. What is unusual is that he does it. Is this how men view the activity of stay-at-home-parent? Is this unique to this creative man?
What an amazing experience these children have in constantly exploring, learning, and taking on life as a family.

Case in point - asking a simple question about an empty lot, and suddenly there is a garden:
Sweet Juniper

Maybe its time to redefine "privacy"

Unlike my dad, who yells at the TV, I have a public forum to vent about my frustrations at news reporters.

I heard a story on NPR about the new Facebook facial recognition software implementation. The reporters were talking about the infringement on privacy.
From what I can gather, those with privacy concerns are worried about Facebook having a database that associates names with faces.
And of course, whenever people get all up-in-arms about Facebook releasing new features, they lump in "and its opt-out too!!!"

This whole thing really confuses me.
Doesn't Google/Yahoo/Altavista already have access to your photo associated with your name via an algorithm that finds every photo you posted?
Isn't it more of a privacy issue that people are posting pictures of you, typing your name at the bottom, and you don't now about it?
At least if Facebook is automatically "tagging" you, you will get an email (if you elect to get emails for tagging - which I do) letting you know that your picture is out there.

This scenario was brought home to me this past week when an anti-Facebook friend of mine finally joined. I realized that his privacy had always been violated because I had photos of him on my page, with his name under them. By joining Facebook, I was able to "tag" him, and now he knows that there are photos of him.
Doesn't that mean that his privacy is secure?
Now he can ask me NOT to post or tag the picture... because he knows about it!

Opt-out... Facebook has a great "opt-out" feature whereby you can just delete your account!
Why do people believe that because something is popular, it needs to be controlled by mass opinion? Facebook is not a politician! its a business. If you don't like what they stand for, don't play!
If you want to be a part of your social network, then there are things you have to live with.
You have to accept that people are going to gossip about you behind your back, that people are going to introduce you to their friends, show other people their vacation photos and let them know that "see that woman there? that's my friend so-and-so".
Facebook gives you the same controls, restrictions, and lack of privacy that exist in society.
If you want to be a part of society, then you accept both the technological and non-technological constraints of membership.

Perhaps I am numb to the whole privacy thing because I don't live behind a veil where you don't know who I am.
I have an obvious car... if you know me, you know my car. You know where I am when you see it, if I cut you off, you will remember and notice me the next week I do it again.
I have a unique name.
I believe I am the only person in the world with this name.
If you Google me, you will know where I went to high school, college, work, the names of my publications, where I have presented papers, you probably can find where I live.
Because every hit you get on my name in any context is always going to be me.
Anything that I do that goes public in this world, you will know because there is only one person with my name.

So I wonder what it is about privacy that people are so adamant about trying to protect.

"I do wish you'd go away!" (my brother, aged 10)

"I do wish you'd go away" Robin shouted at Elizabeth. The was a sudden flash of rainbow coloured light. Robin stared in amazement. Elizabeth had disappeared. Robin ran to her mother, "Mother! she exclaimed. It's Elizabeth, she disappeared!" Mother began to laugh, "She's probably hidden under the bed". "No mother, I saw it with my own two eyes" said Robin. Robin's mother ran from the room. But after searching for an hour, she sigherd, "Ahhh, no sign of Elizabeth.
She phoned for help but the telephone was out. "The lines must be down from the rain. I think you will have to go to town with your Wellington boots and your raincoat." said mother. "Okay" said Robin. So she popped on her boots and coat and ran outside. She walked two miles and had one left. "What's that!" she pronounced. A whizzing noise came past and a UFO came flying past. It was shooting at a old shack. Then it, it landed about 2 feet away from Robin.
Robin jumped into some old wire. A ray came out the bottom and two thin, tall, shaggy haired hippies came out.
They collected their supper and sat down by a fire. Robin crept up to the U.F.O. jet and sneecked up the steps. In side she touched two electric coils. She was heard and the 2 men came in. She out her hand and said "zap". The electricity from the coils had gine inro her hand and into her mouth. The electricity shot from her hand and hit the spacemen. She ran She ran inside and saw Elizabeth. "Elizabeth" said Robin. Elizabeth was in a glass cage in the centre of the ship. "Help me" said Elizabeth. "I'm trying" said Robin". They are spies from planet Hepo. It is in the center of a galaxy 2000,000 miles away. I am their prisoner." said Elizabeth. "Gee," "I walked 2 miles and was pooped.”
Robin unstrapped the door of the glass cage and jumped out. They ran outside and Elizabeth tripped. "I've badly bruised my chin" she said. "I want to be home." They had ran a mile when Robin said, "Look there is a plane." The plane was landing and the two children aged 7 and 10 ran to what they thought was their rescue. The little earplane landed and the children jumped on. "To the little house on the hill," said Robin. And the plane ran up the hill to take off. The little plane landed and the children saw a town. "Where are we, we asked to go to the little house on the hill." "Is this Bornville"? said Robin the eldest. "Yes, it is said the man" and put gags on the children. "A kidnapper!" said Robin mumberling. The man had axiderdenterly left a gun in his jacket pocket and Robin pulled it out. "Hands up"! she said. The man put up his hands and left the controls. The plane went down to a crash. "Shoom"! it bloo up. The next day Robin, Elizabeth and the kidnapper were in hospital. The man was in a koma but the two girls were okay. "He was such a nice man", said Elizabeth who had failed Grade Two the year before. "Don't be dum", said Robin now in standerd 3. Their mother came and took them home. Nobody knows what happened.

Kinetic Sprint Relay

Pretty proud of myself, so figure I'll put a post up.

Did the bike leg of the sprint relay at Kinetic today - 18 miles.
Austin did the swim, and Jordan the run.

I was expecting to take 1:30mins, did it in 1:05. The official results may have me longer as the mat was a bit away from the mount/dismount.

The day before, I drove the course with my friend Patty to see where the downhills were, and if there were any really tough uphills. It all looked pretty do'able given what I have ridden so far (since Aug last year).

This is my first race on a bike, so I had no idea what to expect about how my adrenaline would affect my actions. Since the start was on an uphill, I asked Patty if she'd help me practice that too. We did a couple starts, so I knew my bike was in the right gear starting, and I knew I could do it.
Race day - I got a little sidetracked by my watch, but once that was sorted out, I mounted and took off with no hesitation. On the course, I was empowered by my knowledge of the ups, downs, and turns. I started to have fun after the first couple miles (usually it takes about 10!), and was making comments and chatting with the people I was leapfrogging.

I am very grateful to all the people who have helped me get over fears, passed on tricks, and supported me in doing something I've never done before!

I have also been thinking that I am supported by a higher power! Sat was drizzly and foggy with wet roads, Sat night had POURING rain! Sunday was a misty morning, but by race start - sun. Roads were dry, afternoon was warm (I think I have my number sunburned on my arm), and as soon as I was done unpacking the car after I got home - POURING rain.
I am so thankful that the day was so perfect for my first race.

Those are my first thoughts unshowered (lightening), sunburned, dehydrated, and tired!

Max's Appetite

My cat was diagnosed with lymphoma last year, and since I had just received a bonus, decided that his life was worth the money. He went through chemo, and is officially in remission. I only tell that heavy part of the story to describe the cause of his strange eating habits.
He lost a lot of weight, because he became a fussy eater, and no longer wanted to eat cat food. I tried different dry foods, different wet foods, nothing would tempt him.
But he was hungry.
I know, because all he wanted to eat was food off of my plate. While I was eating it.
If I put some of my food on a plate for him, suddenly, it had no flavor... but the other piece on my plate? that was tempting!
Max has eaten crackers, cookies, cream cheese, Indian food, Mexican food - taco soup off the spoon as it made its way to my mouth, pizza crust, he ran off with a bone from a chop, and he has run off with a bread roll.
The other day, I did an experiment. I put his dry cat food on my plate, and took piece by piece and put it on the table for him. He JUMPED on every single piece and ate it as if he'd never seen food before.
He has a bowl of the same stuff full for him at all times.
Strange cat!

Social Experience

I got sick of making banal status updates on Facebook over the summer.

At the same time, I received a gift in the mail of the book "This is Water: Some Thoughts, Delivered on a Significant Occasion, about Living a Compassionate Life." This is a transcript of the commencement speech given to the 2005 graduating class of Kenyon College by David Foster Wallace.

I thought it was entertaining, it made me laugh, and it was printed as single-page quotes.
I also like the message.
To sum it up... you have the control to chose how you think, and thereby react, to the situations of your life.

So I entered the speech on my status one day at a time.

I was surprised by who commented on the words, and what they said. I really enjoyed seeing those responses and engaging with people in a way that was more considerate than like, "LOL", and "cute dress".

A couple weeks ago, I was talking to a friend of mine about the experience, and she told me that she figured out that the words weren't mine, so looked up one phrase to find the author. She told me that he suffered his whole life from severe depression, and after weaning himself off of his medication, hit a low that led to him to commit suicide.

When I think about how thoughtful his words are in the book, and how focused they are on the individual taking charge of the thought process, I realize that only someone very concerned with the condition of allowing your "default" consciousness to control you would have composed a speech like that.

Anyway, this was an interesting exercise to use the Facebook forum in a different way, that paid off FOR ME!
and since its MY Facebook page, y'all gonna live in my world if you come over!
:-)