I am still overwhelmed at work by the workload.
I am waiting right now for comments back on the last submittal, and in order to take a break, I'm going to give you an update.
well, not about the work stuff.... I'm not sure its a good idea to talk about that here.
But about life.
I have been in a bit of a panic the last couple of weeks, actually the last week, because my personal trainer is moving to Dallas.
I didn't really realize how, like, co-dependent I'd become until the reality of his leaving hit me.
I've been in a bit of turmoil, both because of the whole upsetness of the leaving, but then I was also, like, really SHOCKED that it was upsetting me that much.
first off, he's not the kind of guy that I would be friends with, but he has a lot of similar traits to me, so we connected on that level of understanding what it means to not be easy to be supervised by an employer, being conscientious, wanting things a certain way; so what I'm telling you here, is that it wasn't really who he is as a person that I was upset about... that's why it was freaking me out.
what I figure, is that people are all a little bit conceited. And when you find someone who helps you achieve an appearance that you didn't think you could have - like a really good hairdresser who gets the color just right - you become connected and dependent on that person because you know, or don't think, you can do it on your own.
Also - he is SO self-confident and possessive, that he was not telling me if there was someone else available for me 'cause he doesn't think anyone is as good as he is, and he didn't want to give up any of his clients. So I was panicking that I would start declining in my fitness!! Who was going to set my weights? Who was going to give me my cardio?! I started looking for books, and they were all so sucky, that made me panic some more! I was actually CRYING about it last weekend; after I'd gone to the gym, and it felt like SUCH a lonely place.
It was the same crying as when I watch a marathon, or the Ironman on TV. Like proud that you'd reached a goal, and hopeful that you can make it.
so in the case of my personal trainer, I started from this place of having NO muscle tone, and ab.so.lu.te.ly no endurance, and in 4.5 months, I actually have muscles that you can see on my back, my arms, my calves - yikes! I am not a SKINNY person... and let me tell you, you don't know how much ridicule I had to endure throughout my childhood (especially from my UNCLE) about being skinny!! I can run for an HOUR and a HALF, and for about 20 minutes of that at a 10 minute mile! Holy Crap!!!! before, I couldn't even run ONE, now I can run FIVE!!!!
and in retrospect, it wasn't that hard.... I just did what Mr. PT told me to do. And here I am.
So - yes, I was pretty upset 'cause I didn't want to not be this fit, ripped person.
In fact, I want to be MORE ripped and fit.
A couple months ago, we decided to set a goal, and I thought that it should be about body fat. I didn't want to say "run a 5K" or "lose 10 pounds" - I've been gaining weight during this whole PT thing - so I said, what is a good range for a regularly fit woman, and he said about 15-20, or something like that. so, I said, let's shoot for 19/20 by the time you go to Dallas.
We measured body fat a couple months later, and it wasn't down that much. I thought - yikes, we're not going to make it... we're not going fast enough, and I was pretty sad.
Well - today was my last session... we did the body fat thing, and you wouldn't believe it... it was 18!!
I am SO happy!!!!!
It makes me feel that anything is achievable, that I can have the body I always imagined, dreamed of; not just the one I accept.
Also - he introduced me to my new trainer - Chad - who was SUPER cool!!! and so I feel like I will have help! still a little apprehensive 'cause I don't know this new guy's style, or whether or not it will work... but I know that Jeff is SUPER critical, so I figure this guy has to be worth something.
and I have to set new goals. So how about this: Madonna arms, 6-pack abs that are visible (I think I have a 6-pack now, you just can't see it), and 10 miles...?
(something interesting... there are NO blog posts about Jeff - just that first one about Nicki; hmmmm....)