Wednesday, July 26, 2006

I figured out what it feels like

I see the sky as blue
everyone else is telling me they see the sky as green.
I just don't see the sky as green, its so obviously blue, how can you even imagine there is green in there!
and yet, because you are all telling me you see green,
and you're writing about how good that green feels,
and you're celebrating because the sky is green.
I start to feel left out.
Like I WISH I could see the green, I just wish I could, because then maybe I wouldn't feel left out.
But I just don't. I just don't see green.
I start hunting down other people who see the sky as blue, and at every turn, I find more people who tell me its green.
Some people start out saying its blue, and then over time, their blue turns more and more green. And there is no way for me to know why they change their minds.
Is it because they always saw the green, and just were pretending to see blue?
I feel lonely, like there is noone like me, that I'm a deviant (well, I know I am a deviant)... basically lonely.
Because I don't really know anyone else who sees the sky as blue.
this past weekend, one of my non-breeder friends actually told me that she is seeing natural-born children in her future more and more.
The sky is getting greener for her, and I still don't see it.

Monday, July 17, 2006

I can't believe I'm not the only one

I have sometimes wondered, but I've never looked to see if there is anyone else like me. I am somewhat in denial about my feelings because they are weird. Its hard to describe, and often when people find out, they just do things to make it worse. The other day I was alerted to this Salon page that describes someone just like me.
Except I don't think that the responder really understands the situation. Its not about hearing sounds loudly, or the inability to filter sounds, or one sound becoming dominant over the rest. Its about one particular group of sounds creating a hugely violent angry response.
yes, I am talking about the sounds of mastication: chewing, crunching, slurping, swallowing, popping gum, cracking gum, potato chips, apples, SALAD, nuts
For me it is exacerbated by situations that require concentration - a meeting, a classroom, concentrating
This is an affliction that I have lived with my entire life. I know that I used to yell at my mother and brother when I was a child. I used to scream at my brother for the sound of his teeth on a fork. I used to torment my mother to suck on her potato chips.
Some of my friends like to eat foods that annoy me on purpose! Some people forget just how torturous this is for me.
I am not an angry person, I am not a violent person, but the sounds of mastication make . me . IRRATIONALLY. angry!

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Copy Cat

I'm going to copy Blackbird a little with a recap of the weekend:

Sat - Went on an insane drive. South from Phoenix through Tucson to Sierra Vista. It was really fun going down sandwiched in amongst the MINIs. Jabbing at people on the radio and zipping around the trucks and cars. I was pretty wiped out by the time we got down there, I'm not used to going that fast for extended periods. Believe it or not, even though people consider me a crazy driver, high speed on the straight is not my forte. Coming back with "harpo" and we hit a MAJOR haboob at Picacho Peak. Everyone was stopped on the highway waiting for it to pass. Crazy stuff!

Sun - ok, here's my homage to Blackbird.

bought a new phone; its still charging, so I haven't played with it yet

Started to build a floor for practicing my dancing. See the rubber stoppers? I need more!

and bought some more ducks. What do you think of all those ducks?

(ok, that was extremely annoying, in fact, I gave up doing it in Blogger and just created an email to my Blog. Blackbird, you have more patience than me!!)

Wednesday, July 12, 2006


A while back some friends came over for dinner in more of a hanging out type of arrangement. It was really low-key and we just ate heated-up frozen food and drank wine. They stayed a while and we talked about nothing in particular. I found these photos on my camera, taken by Mr. S and they really seem to reflect the relaxedness of this evening, so I collaged them, and stuck them in my BLAWG!


Can you spot the MINI in a picture from a MINI?

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Sometimes I really wonder...

...about men and sex.
I've been watching Queer as Folk, and I understand that its a TV show, and they are probably trying to be radical, but I really wonder - do men really have to have that much sex?

On that show, these guys are doing it every night, and in the morning they are doing themselves, so that's at least an average of twice a day.

So it makes me wonder about all the guys I know....
are they all thinking about it that much too?
would they all be having that much sex if they could?
and what about my partner, is that how often he really wants it?

and considering that the guys I know and my partner are not out trawling every night (I assume, of course) and are, therefore, probably not getting it as often as the QasF guys, how does that make them feel? what are the effects? are they frustrated? are they dissatisfied?

so sometimes I really wonder how much sex is enough for a guy.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Apple Pie 4th of July

Well, I was getting frustrated with my Bloggers because they weren't posting this weekend while I was lazing around looking for something to read... then I realized that I wasn't either, and everyone was probably off doing a vacation thing or not really interested in being by the computer.

I figured I'd start by summarizing my weekend.
We decided to stay home because it would be more relaxing than travelling. And it is... but it has a certain level of boredom. I started the weekend with a list of projects, but by day 2, I couldn't remember what they were! My brain turned to Jello!

We did manage some fun times: we rode bikes to a friend a block away whose kids were supposed to be selling lemonade - we were a little late, but got a cup anyway; We had tapas at Pepin, and saw my Wed night teacher Bernadette Gaxiola performing - boy is she good; little did I know in my Abercrombie and Fitch mini (discontinued) and JCrew elastic flips that she'd drag me on stage! I'm sure the front row got a good hoochie shot, and the guitarist got flying flips! We went to the Tilted Kilt - can you say CLEAVAGE! and not such good food; We hang around; walked to our favorite Italian place for eggplant scorpino and lasagna; watched Transamerica; went to Lake Pleasant to fix the sailboat so that its ready for next week when G gets his truck back; today we are going to a BBQ and then to ride our bikes to watch the fireworks; and all weekend, I was OBSESSED with Primal Quest.

Tomorrow I head to Pittsburgh for a lovely day of meetings at the "mothership", and then back for all-day training Fri and Sat (WOO HOO!!!). M&M return on Fri.... so that's the only real break from routine on the horizon.