Here's a thought.
When your kid is a baby, not communicating intent, only demanding fulfillment of basic needs, you make all the decisions. You can pick the kid up and move it, you can feed it what you like, you give it something to play with, you are calling all the shots.
Once the kid starts to think, it wants to have more autonomy. Ok, so I know that's the definition of terrible two... kid claiming independance. But usually people put that on the kid... the kid is naughty, the kid has a temper, the kid is demanding, the kid won't do what its told.
My thought, is maybe this is really about the parent. You are stuck in a rut, you are used to a type of behavior, you are not used to letting your kid call the shots. Think about a six year old. You allow the kid autonomy, and you talk to them about things you want them to do. "Please will you put on your shoes" - whereas with the 2YO, YOU try to put on the shoes.
So maybe an idea would be to start reasoning with your kid early on so that when you hit that autonomy age, the kid has the feeling of decision because you are talking to it, rather than just doing.
Perhaps you've already figured this out, and I'm the one who's lagging.