Thursday, June 21, 2007

Deep Breaths

I am so out of my comfort zone.
Every moment is about forcing myself
to do something I don't "want"
to do.
But this challenge is also something that motivates me.
It is learning,
it is active,
it is new
and I know that I will be happy with myself when I succeed.
but I am in the moment now and so right now, it is very very hard.
exhaustingly hard
and I am afraid that the confidence and skill I had in youth has left me, making success something less than guaranteed.
Am I as good as I used to be?
I am starting to worry that I am not.
There must be something that you gain from experience.
There must be something that replaces ignorant confidence as time robs you of energy, memory, and patience.
I suppose only time and trying will tell.
I suppose the lesson
is that
life is about continually learning who you are
you never become, you are not stagnant,
you are always something new.


deetour said...

You go girl! You are a tenacious beast!

MERLE said...