I am so out of my comfort zone.
Every moment is about forcing myself
to do something I don't "want"
But this challenge is also something that motivates me.
It is learning,
it is active,
it is new
and I know that I will be happy with myself when I succeed.
but I am in the moment now and so right now, it is very very hard.
and I am afraid that the confidence and skill I had in youth has left me, making success something less than guaranteed.
Am I as good as I used to be?
I am starting to worry that I am not.
There must be something that you gain from experience.
There must be something that replaces ignorant confidence as time robs you of energy, memory, and patience.
I suppose only time and trying will tell.
I suppose the lesson
life is about continually learning who you are
you never become, you are not stagnant,
you are always something new.