Deep Breaths

I am so out of my comfort zone.

 

Every moment is about forcing myself

to do something I don't "want"

to do.

 

 

But this challenge is also something that motivates me.

It is learning,

it is active,

it is new

and I know that I will be happy with myself when I succeed.

 

 

but I am in the moment now and so right now, it is very very hard.

exhaustingly hard

and I am afraid that the confidence and skill I had in youth has left me, making success something less than guaranteed.

 

Am I as good as I used to be?

 

I am starting to worry that I am not.

 

There must be something that you gain from experience.

There must be something that replaces ignorant confidence as time robs you of energy, memory, and patience.

 

I suppose only time and trying will tell.

 

I suppose the lesson

is that

life is about continually learning who you are

you never become, you are not stagnant,

you are always something new.