Sunday, June 18, 2006

Relationship Role Models?

Here's something that I've been thinking about for a while.

In the past, the sanctity of marriage was strong enough for a disgruntled partner to find a way to resolve their feelings of excessive compromise and stay in the relationship.

Then we moved into this generation where we feel that all people have the right to be in their own happiness all the time. Embedded in this is less of a willingness to compromise.

So how do you resolve the disgruntles in your relationship?

At the bottom-line of the issue is that there are very few (actually none that I know of) relationships that you can look to as a model, or role model for success where both partners are having their every need met, and neither is taking on the brunt of the compromise.

Asserting/requesting to have your needs met, can create conflict. You have to both be in a very healthy place for this conflict to not turn into something ugly; ie one of you feels that its too much "self" to compromise.

So how do you have a healthy relationship where both partners feel that their needs are met and you can resolve the conflict in a constructive way that perpetuates the feeling of being connected?

Its tough.

I wish there were more examples in the brainwashing that is pushed out to us through books, magazines, TV, and movies.


deetour said...

ugh, maybe you could then help with my parent's fighting in front of me tonight at dinner. I hate being in the middle of this shit.

Lisa said...

at least they're still together!!

Lisa said...

PS how was the run?

deetour said...

the run is this sunday.
they made up.
all is well.

aabart said...

On the answer to you bigger question of relationship role models I think that every relationship has a little bit one can observe and learn from - all relationships, like all things, have good and bad. I try to focus on and appreciate the good in others' relationships, evaluate if it would work for me and if I think it would, I try it out.

As for your last question about how to have healthy relationships - only you can answer that for your relationships. Trying to worry about other peoples relationship health is a waste of time and energy b/c you have no influence over it. You can only worry about and change yourself. =)

Lisa said...

God Aaron - do you ever just read something and absorb it instead of feeling like you have to solve it?

Do you REALLY think I'm looking at the problems in other people's relationships?!

aabart said...

So should I respond to your response or just read it and absorb it? =)

brianna said...

not so deep comment-- dig the new profile pic.

i don't know what to say about the relationship things except, everyone sucks, and nothing is ever perfect. hahaha. ever the optimist.

Lisa said...

good, Boy, Aaron!

heidi said...

Ooooh I like this post. I have to admit, I know a few couples who've bben together longer than I've been alive and still make you want to have what they have. So I'd call them rollmodels. What I notice about them though is that, they both accept that they won't have their every need met. They realize that having their love's needs met sometimes facilitates their own fulfillment.