and exciting things here
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
yee gads
I am so burnt out.
It takes every ounce of energy to think about what I have to do next.
There is no energy left over for the actual doing.
I stare at my calendar planning a break from this drudgery, and all I see are more events to rob me of my quality time with the couch.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
the application of leadership
We have been watching the dog whisperer. I highly recommend this show to anyone. I am NOT a dog person, and I appreciate this show. I have started to realize that his concepts have applicability to all parts of life.
Ceasar's basic concepts (let's see if I can remember them):
1. Give affection when the dog is in a relaxed submissive state
His point here is that you don't want the dog to associated positive reinforcement when the dog is in a hyper, agressive, or assertive state.
I guess this is the concept of appropriate reaction.
2. Start with exercise
Get rid of the excess energy before you start "working" with the dog. Release your emotion or anxiety through exercise.
3. "calm assertive"
(this is my favorite)
the Pack Leader needs to be calm and assertive at all times. This means put your shoulders back, stand up straight, and have confidence and conviction in your actions. Any wavering shows weakness and undermines your role as Pack Leader.
Basically - its your decision to be the Pack Leader, but you will not have that respect if you don't demand/take it.
I have always said that you are not "given" leadership, Leadership is something you "take". If someone says "ok everyone, this is your leader", you may be blindly followed for a while, but you will only keep and maintain that leadership in a successful way if you demonstrate the traits of a leader - ie take the lead.
Another repurcussion of this concept, is that as the Pack Leader, you have to be consistent in how you carry out "repurcussion". You can't do it sometimes and not others, you have to be consistent; and the repurcussion must be appropriate for the transgression.
Ceasar's basic concepts (let's see if I can remember them):
1. Give affection when the dog is in a relaxed submissive state
His point here is that you don't want the dog to associated positive reinforcement when the dog is in a hyper, agressive, or assertive state.
I guess this is the concept of appropriate reaction.
2. Start with exercise
Get rid of the excess energy before you start "working" with the dog. Release your emotion or anxiety through exercise.
3. "calm assertive"
(this is my favorite)
the Pack Leader needs to be calm and assertive at all times. This means put your shoulders back, stand up straight, and have confidence and conviction in your actions. Any wavering shows weakness and undermines your role as Pack Leader.
Basically - its your decision to be the Pack Leader, but you will not have that respect if you don't demand/take it.
I have always said that you are not "given" leadership, Leadership is something you "take". If someone says "ok everyone, this is your leader", you may be blindly followed for a while, but you will only keep and maintain that leadership in a successful way if you demonstrate the traits of a leader - ie take the lead.
Another repurcussion of this concept, is that as the Pack Leader, you have to be consistent in how you carry out "repurcussion". You can't do it sometimes and not others, you have to be consistent; and the repurcussion must be appropriate for the transgression.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Calendar
My calendar for the next couple of months scares me. And there are two trips that havn't even been considered yet - seeing a friend's new baby in LA and visiting Greg's mom in FL. Not sure where they will fit in. I also think there is another trip to PA or DC in Sept, but I'm trying not to think about that. I have a cold sore just from the stress of life. Thank god we booked a condo in Mexico for a weekend in Sept, 'cause otherwise, the next break would be Thanksgiving, and come to think of it, that might end up as Florida!
I desperately want to take off an extra day so that I can have a weekend longer than 2 days, but with work deadlines, even if I stayed home, people would be calling. Is Burning Man a break? Its out of reality, but will probably be a tiring trip. Ever since the work weekend from hell, I feel like I'm tripping over myself from exhaustion!
I desperately want to take off an extra day so that I can have a weekend longer than 2 days, but with work deadlines, even if I stayed home, people would be calling. Is Burning Man a break? Its out of reality, but will probably be a tiring trip. Ever since the work weekend from hell, I feel like I'm tripping over myself from exhaustion!
Thursday, August 17, 2006
and here's an example
When I say that my brother doesn't have any boundaries, here's an example:
They bought a van for Burning Man, they wanted to put one of our futons in the van as a couch, so I told them sure. The took the van to the shop to get fixed, but decided anyway that the futon should be ready to go in the van, so they put it on top of his car in our garage. Then tonight, they decided to go to the mall. Well, where do you put the futon so you can drive the car to the mall?
so what I'm wondering now, is if I will be able to drive my car out of the garage to go to work tomorrow, or if I will first need to move the futon!
They bought a van for Burning Man, they wanted to put one of our futons in the van as a couch, so I told them sure. The took the van to the shop to get fixed, but decided anyway that the futon should be ready to go in the van, so they put it on top of his car in our garage. Then tonight, they decided to go to the mall. Well, where do you put the futon so you can drive the car to the mall?
so what I'm wondering now, is if I will be able to drive my car out of the garage to go to work tomorrow, or if I will first need to move the futon!
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Work (its a long one, but a gem at the end)
I have had the most insane two weeks ever. I am still in disbelief that I have survived. This was a learning experience about me too because I am astounded at what I can do. And I am still trying to figure out what it was that made me driven.
Background:
I manage a discipline division in a branch office for a consulting firm.
Our company has "practice" leads who are responsible for business development, like the BIG stuff, for each of the (7) disciplines under which the company provides services.
A month ago we decided to pursue a proposal for a gov entity, and decided that we didn't have enough local experience to lead the effort. This was the most complicated proposal I have ever seen. Printing out the documents ended up as a foot-high of paper. I was confused trying to read through it and roped someone else into doing that for me.
I had been talking to another company with some experience and they agreed to take the lead.
We brought on 2 more companies - one with local experience in the NW (which neither of us had), and another firm that currently holds a contract for this work (we'll refer to them as Incumbant).
Three weeks before the proposal was due we had a kick-off meeting in our office and delegated the preparation to the appropriate people. Later that week, the lead firm sent us a document outlining all of the data they wanted us to send them. I had a week to pull it together. It involved filling out forms that had been created by the Gov, sending documents to existing clients asking them to give us references, having all the technical people in my firm do these resumes forms, and begging everyone to turn everything around in a week (5 days that is).
I emailed off all my data, got on a plane, and went to Chicago to celebrate a friend's birthday.
As soon as we got to Chicago, I got a call from the lead firm telling me Incumbant had pulled out of our team and they were going to stop the effort because they didn't think we could be successful without Incumbant.
I was sitting in a restaurant awaiting my first meal of the day (long story, but we hadn't eaten since waking up), 7 hours, a flight, train, and cab, after waking up.
What the muthafucking fuck!
I was STRESSED! This opportunity is HUGE! So I called a couple of people, told them what was going on, and gave them tasks to get us back on track with the intent of picking up the pieces on Monday.
Tasks:
1. can we be the lead?
2. can we find another firm to do the CA work 9 days before our "print" deadline?
Well - it was a fun weekend; we got home at 10pm on Sunday (that means no laundry, no shopping, no errands before work on Mon).
Monday: HIT THE GROUND RUNNING
We got another firm to do CA, I got those practice leads to agree that we could take the lead, and I went into Hyper-Super-Lisa mode.
I worked from 7am - 8pm everyday that week
I worked from 7am - 11pm on Sat and Sun
I worked from 7am - 1am on Mon - Tues
(I am NOT an allnighter person - three degrees with no allnighter and I'm not going to start now)
and when I say worked I mean - sat with my computer on my lap and two phones at my side. Periodically Greg would bring me food on a plate and fill my water glass.
We printed on Tues.
Every one of those days I had to convince the 3 Practice Leads working with me that we could get it done and have a "quality product". This meant that between writing, editing, nagging subs to give me data NOW, I had to negotiate with 3 TOP people every couple of hours. And mostly, the resolve was that I would agree to take on more of the work - which meant more writing, editing, nagging subs. It got to the point where I couldn't think of words anymore in conversation. If someone started talking to me about something that didn't apply to this proposal, I would walk away; when someone (I knew well) asked me a question, the only sentences that could come out were like this:
"I asked him to look at those fucking things, and put them into that other fucking thing so that the fucking fucks would be ready for the other people in the morning"
If people told me "no", I would look at them blankly and say "ok, I'll get that from you in an hour".
I realize in retrospect that the work alone would have exhausted me, but what put me over the edge was the emotional negotiating, and carrying all of those people along.
Everyday, I would come home and say to Greg, I think this is only happening because of me. I think I am "selling" all these people on bogus reasons to continue because I am being determined.
I decided that it was my drive that was going to get us to the end.
And it did.
Those 3 people, and the poor proposal person who agreed to pull it together into that "quality document" all said to me at one point over the weekend - "I wouldn't still be working on this if it weren't for you".
I felt like I had won something, accomplished something HUGE by the time I got the fedex confirmation of delivery - and then I realized.
I still had to wait to see IF we would be AWARDED a contract for this to be a success!!!
God dammit! all that effort, all that work, and I still don't even know if its going to mean work for my firm!
I know that I have a reputation of being demanding, a "bitch", not very nice and all that, and I think I've written in this blog that I believe it is because people don't expect women to act direct, frank, bottom-line, honest (you know, those MEN traits), and so they don't expect me. But when people get to know me, and they see what I can do, and they see what THEY can do when they are working with me, they realize that I am good!
But in this effort, I wonder if I pushed some people away.
I always console myself when I have that thought by following it with
"yeah, but, I bet some other people REALLY respect me now!!"
The really shitty thing about all of this, is that I had to get this old before I realized what my strengths were and how I can leverge them. I think I am in the wrong industry, the wrong position, for my powers to be truly utilized. I don't know if its too late for me to figure out the best place to put myself, this is a thought I ponder more than any other. I also realize that I have less energy than I did when I was younger - obviously - but if I was in a position like the one I pulled off last week when I was younger, I would have ROCKED!!!! because I would have had energy. I haven't worked out, I haven't danced, I haven't called or talked to anyone socially. When I was younger, I probably could have fit that in too.
Anyway - that's where I have been for the past two, actually three weeks.
Background:
I manage a discipline division in a branch office for a consulting firm.
Our company has "practice" leads who are responsible for business development, like the BIG stuff, for each of the (7) disciplines under which the company provides services.
A month ago we decided to pursue a proposal for a gov entity, and decided that we didn't have enough local experience to lead the effort. This was the most complicated proposal I have ever seen. Printing out the documents ended up as a foot-high of paper. I was confused trying to read through it and roped someone else into doing that for me.
I had been talking to another company with some experience and they agreed to take the lead.
We brought on 2 more companies - one with local experience in the NW (which neither of us had), and another firm that currently holds a contract for this work (we'll refer to them as Incumbant).
Three weeks before the proposal was due we had a kick-off meeting in our office and delegated the preparation to the appropriate people. Later that week, the lead firm sent us a document outlining all of the data they wanted us to send them. I had a week to pull it together. It involved filling out forms that had been created by the Gov, sending documents to existing clients asking them to give us references, having all the technical people in my firm do these resumes forms, and begging everyone to turn everything around in a week (5 days that is).
I emailed off all my data, got on a plane, and went to Chicago to celebrate a friend's birthday.
As soon as we got to Chicago, I got a call from the lead firm telling me Incumbant had pulled out of our team and they were going to stop the effort because they didn't think we could be successful without Incumbant.
I was sitting in a restaurant awaiting my first meal of the day (long story, but we hadn't eaten since waking up), 7 hours, a flight, train, and cab, after waking up.
What the muthafucking fuck!
I was STRESSED! This opportunity is HUGE! So I called a couple of people, told them what was going on, and gave them tasks to get us back on track with the intent of picking up the pieces on Monday.
Tasks:
1. can we be the lead?
2. can we find another firm to do the CA work 9 days before our "print" deadline?
Well - it was a fun weekend; we got home at 10pm on Sunday (that means no laundry, no shopping, no errands before work on Mon).
Monday: HIT THE GROUND RUNNING
We got another firm to do CA, I got those practice leads to agree that we could take the lead, and I went into Hyper-Super-Lisa mode.
I worked from 7am - 8pm everyday that week
I worked from 7am - 11pm on Sat and Sun
I worked from 7am - 1am on Mon - Tues
(I am NOT an allnighter person - three degrees with no allnighter and I'm not going to start now)
and when I say worked I mean - sat with my computer on my lap and two phones at my side. Periodically Greg would bring me food on a plate and fill my water glass.
We printed on Tues.
Every one of those days I had to convince the 3 Practice Leads working with me that we could get it done and have a "quality product". This meant that between writing, editing, nagging subs to give me data NOW, I had to negotiate with 3 TOP people every couple of hours. And mostly, the resolve was that I would agree to take on more of the work - which meant more writing, editing, nagging subs. It got to the point where I couldn't think of words anymore in conversation. If someone started talking to me about something that didn't apply to this proposal, I would walk away; when someone (I knew well) asked me a question, the only sentences that could come out were like this:
"I asked him to look at those fucking things, and put them into that other fucking thing so that the fucking fucks would be ready for the other people in the morning"
If people told me "no", I would look at them blankly and say "ok, I'll get that from you in an hour".
I realize in retrospect that the work alone would have exhausted me, but what put me over the edge was the emotional negotiating, and carrying all of those people along.
Everyday, I would come home and say to Greg, I think this is only happening because of me. I think I am "selling" all these people on bogus reasons to continue because I am being determined.
I decided that it was my drive that was going to get us to the end.
And it did.
Those 3 people, and the poor proposal person who agreed to pull it together into that "quality document" all said to me at one point over the weekend - "I wouldn't still be working on this if it weren't for you".
I felt like I had won something, accomplished something HUGE by the time I got the fedex confirmation of delivery - and then I realized.
I still had to wait to see IF we would be AWARDED a contract for this to be a success!!!
God dammit! all that effort, all that work, and I still don't even know if its going to mean work for my firm!
I know that I have a reputation of being demanding, a "bitch", not very nice and all that, and I think I've written in this blog that I believe it is because people don't expect women to act direct, frank, bottom-line, honest (you know, those MEN traits), and so they don't expect me. But when people get to know me, and they see what I can do, and they see what THEY can do when they are working with me, they realize that I am good!
But in this effort, I wonder if I pushed some people away.
I always console myself when I have that thought by following it with
"yeah, but, I bet some other people REALLY respect me now!!"
The really shitty thing about all of this, is that I had to get this old before I realized what my strengths were and how I can leverge them. I think I am in the wrong industry, the wrong position, for my powers to be truly utilized. I don't know if its too late for me to figure out the best place to put myself, this is a thought I ponder more than any other. I also realize that I have less energy than I did when I was younger - obviously - but if I was in a position like the one I pulled off last week when I was younger, I would have ROCKED!!!! because I would have had energy. I haven't worked out, I haven't danced, I haven't called or talked to anyone socially. When I was younger, I probably could have fit that in too.
Anyway - that's where I have been for the past two, actually three weeks.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Show and Tell
for Blackbird:
a woman at work I really like is leaving to move to Dallas. I have been giving her a really hard time about it. I keep asking why she wants to move to TX. She is an equestrian, and tells me that she is ranked very high nationally in her breed, I think third. She wants to buy a house with a barn, land for the horse, and chickens ! I laughed at the chicken statement because she didn't strike me as the domesticated type. On her last day, she gave me this chicken to remind me why she was moving. She didn't have to give me anything to remind me how much I will miss her.
a woman at work I really like is leaving to move to Dallas. I have been giving her a really hard time about it. I keep asking why she wants to move to TX. She is an equestrian, and tells me that she is ranked very high nationally in her breed, I think third. She wants to buy a house with a barn, land for the horse, and chickens ! I laughed at the chicken statement because she didn't strike me as the domesticated type. On her last day, she gave me this chicken to remind me why she was moving. She didn't have to give me anything to remind me how much I will miss her.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
I figured out what it feels like
I see the sky as blue
everyone else is telling me they see the sky as green.
I just don't see the sky as green, its so obviously blue, how can you even imagine there is green in there!
and yet, because you are all telling me you see green,
and you're writing about how good that green feels,
and you're celebrating because the sky is green.
I start to feel left out.
Like I WISH I could see the green, I just wish I could, because then maybe I wouldn't feel left out.
But I just don't. I just don't see green.
I start hunting down other people who see the sky as blue, and at every turn, I find more people who tell me its green.
Some people start out saying its blue, and then over time, their blue turns more and more green. And there is no way for me to know why they change their minds.
Is it because they always saw the green, and just were pretending to see blue?
I feel lonely, like there is noone like me, that I'm a deviant (well, I know I am a deviant)... basically lonely.
Because I don't really know anyone else who sees the sky as blue.
this past weekend, one of my non-breeder friends actually told me that she is seeing natural-born children in her future more and more.
The sky is getting greener for her, and I still don't see it.
Monday, July 17, 2006
I can't believe I'm not the only one
I have sometimes wondered, but I've never looked to see if there is anyone else like me. I am somewhat in denial about my feelings because they are weird. Its hard to describe, and often when people find out, they just do things to make it worse. The other day I was alerted to this Salon page that describes someone just like me.
Except I don't think that the responder really understands the situation. Its not about hearing sounds loudly, or the inability to filter sounds, or one sound becoming dominant over the rest. Its about one particular group of sounds creating a hugely violent angry response.
yes, I am talking about the sounds of mastication: chewing, crunching, slurping, swallowing, popping gum, cracking gum, potato chips, apples, SALAD, nuts
For me it is exacerbated by situations that require concentration - a meeting, a classroom, concentrating
This is an affliction that I have lived with my entire life. I know that I used to yell at my mother and brother when I was a child. I used to scream at my brother for the sound of his teeth on a fork. I used to torment my mother to suck on her potato chips.
Some of my friends like to eat foods that annoy me on purpose! Some people forget just how torturous this is for me.
I am not an angry person, I am not a violent person, but the sounds of mastication make . me . IRRATIONALLY. angry!
Except I don't think that the responder really understands the situation. Its not about hearing sounds loudly, or the inability to filter sounds, or one sound becoming dominant over the rest. Its about one particular group of sounds creating a hugely violent angry response.
yes, I am talking about the sounds of mastication: chewing, crunching, slurping, swallowing, popping gum, cracking gum, potato chips, apples, SALAD, nuts
For me it is exacerbated by situations that require concentration - a meeting, a classroom, concentrating
This is an affliction that I have lived with my entire life. I know that I used to yell at my mother and brother when I was a child. I used to scream at my brother for the sound of his teeth on a fork. I used to torment my mother to suck on her potato chips.
Some of my friends like to eat foods that annoy me on purpose! Some people forget just how torturous this is for me.
I am not an angry person, I am not a violent person, but the sounds of mastication make . me . IRRATIONALLY. angry!
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Copy Cat
I'm going to copy Blackbird a little with a recap of the weekend:
Sat - Went on an insane drive. South from Phoenix through Tucson to Sierra Vista. It was really fun going down sandwiched in amongst the MINIs. Jabbing at people on the radio and zipping around the trucks and cars. I was pretty wiped out by the time we got down there, I'm not used to going that fast for extended periods. Believe it or not, even though people consider me a crazy driver, high speed on the straight is not my forte. Coming back with "harpo" and we hit a MAJOR haboob at Picacho Peak. Everyone was stopped on the highway waiting for it to pass. Crazy stuff!
Sun - ok, here's my homage to Blackbird.
bought a new phone; its still charging, so I haven't played with it yet
Started to build a floor for practicing my dancing. See the rubber stoppers? I need more!
Sat - Went on an insane drive. South from Phoenix through Tucson to Sierra Vista. It was really fun going down sandwiched in amongst the MINIs. Jabbing at people on the radio and zipping around the trucks and cars. I was pretty wiped out by the time we got down there, I'm not used to going that fast for extended periods. Believe it or not, even though people consider me a crazy driver, high speed on the straight is not my forte. Coming back with "harpo" and we hit a MAJOR haboob at Picacho Peak. Everyone was stopped on the highway waiting for it to pass. Crazy stuff!
Sun - ok, here's my homage to Blackbird.
bought a new phone; its still charging, so I haven't played with it yet
Started to build a floor for practicing my dancing. See the rubber stoppers? I need more!
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Conversations
A while back some friends came over for dinner in more of a hanging out type of arrangement. It was really low-key and we just ate heated-up frozen food and drank wine. They stayed a while and we talked about nothing in particular. I found these photos on my camera, taken by Mr. S and they really seem to reflect the relaxedness of this evening, so I collaged them, and stuck them in my BLAWG!
Thursday, July 06, 2006
Sometimes I really wonder...
...about men and sex.
I've been watching Queer as Folk, and I understand that its a TV show, and they are probably trying to be radical, but I really wonder - do men really have to have that much sex?
On that show, these guys are doing it every night, and in the morning they are doing themselves, so that's at least an average of twice a day.
So it makes me wonder about all the guys I know....
are they all thinking about it that much too?
would they all be having that much sex if they could?
and what about my partner, is that how often he really wants it?On that show, these guys are doing it every night, and in the morning they are doing themselves, so that's at least an average of twice a day.
So it makes me wonder about all the guys I know....
are they all thinking about it that much too?
would they all be having that much sex if they could?
and considering that the guys I know and my partner are not out trawling every night (I assume, of course) and are, therefore, probably not getting it as often as the QasF guys, how does that make them feel? what are the effects? are they frustrated? are they dissatisfied?
so sometimes I really wonder how much sex is enough for a guy.
Tuesday, July 04, 2006
Apple Pie 4th of July
Well, I was getting frustrated with my Bloggers because they weren't posting this weekend while I was lazing around looking for something to read... then I realized that I wasn't either, and everyone was probably off doing a vacation thing or not really interested in being by the computer.
I figured I'd start by summarizing my weekend.
We decided to stay home because it would be more relaxing than travelling. And it is... but it has a certain level of boredom. I started the weekend with a list of projects, but by day 2, I couldn't remember what they were! My brain turned to Jello!
We did manage some fun times: we rode bikes to a friend a block away whose kids were supposed to be selling lemonade - we were a little late, but got a cup anyway; We had tapas at Pepin, and saw my Wed night teacher Bernadette Gaxiola performing - boy is she good; little did I know in my Abercrombie and Fitch mini (discontinued) and JCrew elastic flips that she'd drag me on stage! I'm sure the front row got a good hoochie shot, and the guitarist got flying flips! We went to the Tilted Kilt - can you say CLEAVAGE! and not such good food; We hang around; walked to our favorite Italian place for eggplant scorpino and lasagna; watched Transamerica; went to Lake Pleasant to fix the sailboat so that its ready for next week when G gets his truck back; today we are going to a BBQ and then to ride our bikes to watch the fireworks; and all weekend, I was OBSESSED with Primal Quest.
Tomorrow I head to Pittsburgh for a lovely day of meetings at the "mothership", and then back for all-day training Fri and Sat (WOO HOO!!!). M&M return on Fri.... so that's the only real break from routine on the horizon.
I figured I'd start by summarizing my weekend.
We decided to stay home because it would be more relaxing than travelling. And it is... but it has a certain level of boredom. I started the weekend with a list of projects, but by day 2, I couldn't remember what they were! My brain turned to Jello!
We did manage some fun times: we rode bikes to a friend a block away whose kids were supposed to be selling lemonade - we were a little late, but got a cup anyway; We had tapas at Pepin, and saw my Wed night teacher Bernadette Gaxiola performing - boy is she good; little did I know in my Abercrombie and Fitch mini (discontinued) and JCrew elastic flips that she'd drag me on stage! I'm sure the front row got a good hoochie shot, and the guitarist got flying flips! We went to the Tilted Kilt - can you say CLEAVAGE! and not such good food; We hang around; walked to our favorite Italian place for eggplant scorpino and lasagna; watched Transamerica; went to Lake Pleasant to fix the sailboat so that its ready for next week when G gets his truck back; today we are going to a BBQ and then to ride our bikes to watch the fireworks; and all weekend, I was OBSESSED with Primal Quest.
Tomorrow I head to Pittsburgh for a lovely day of meetings at the "mothership", and then back for all-day training Fri and Sat (WOO HOO!!!). M&M return on Fri.... so that's the only real break from routine on the horizon.
Monday, June 26, 2006
Ho Hum!
it is SO friggin' hot! it sucks my will to be awake! any remaining energy I save, is required for maintaining my eyelids in the upright position - oh, and driving, 'cause I figure I need to pay attention.
For some reason, I am just not ready, and not adapting to the heat this year... might have something to do with the fact that it IS a little cloudy, which make the humidity go up from itsy bitsy, to itsy... which is enough to have a major effect with the air temp is over 110 !
...........................
Jamie Oliver: made my first recipe yesterday - Chicken Tika Masala... humm... kinda fudged one spice item, instead of buying garum masala, I mixed my own from an MSL recipe; not sure that worked too well. Of note, MSL recipes are usually straight forward and outline every tiny spec of a detail. Jamie, as a "wing it" cook, has kinda iffy recipes, which may have contributed to my not getting it quite right. But then, this is a quality I am hoping to learn from Mr. Oliver
..........................
so, we are thinking about vacations. I have realized that the older I get, the more regular my breaks from work need to be. One year, we didn't go on vacation at all. That was a BAD idea. I am still trying to make up for that decision. Problem 2: all the yummy vacations we take, usually involve my family. I love them and all, but its not the same as compromise-free lounging. So, we're thinking about going on a family free vacation - with our friends. Is that workable as less of a compromising situation??? I'm hoping.
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Relationship Role Models?
Here's something that I've been thinking about for a while.
In the past, the sanctity of marriage was strong enough for a disgruntled partner to find a way to resolve their feelings of excessive compromise and stay in the relationship.
Then we moved into this generation where we feel that all people have the right to be in their own happiness all the time. Embedded in this is less of a willingness to compromise.
So how do you resolve the disgruntles in your relationship?
At the bottom-line of the issue is that there are very few (actually none that I know of) relationships that you can look to as a model, or role model for success where both partners are having their every need met, and neither is taking on the brunt of the compromise.
Asserting/requesting to have your needs met, can create conflict. You have to both be in a very healthy place for this conflict to not turn into something ugly; ie one of you feels that its too much "self" to compromise.
So how do you have a healthy relationship where both partners feel that their needs are met and you can resolve the conflict in a constructive way that perpetuates the feeling of being connected?
Its tough.
I wish there were more examples in the brainwashing that is pushed out to us through books, magazines, TV, and movies.
In the past, the sanctity of marriage was strong enough for a disgruntled partner to find a way to resolve their feelings of excessive compromise and stay in the relationship.
Then we moved into this generation where we feel that all people have the right to be in their own happiness all the time. Embedded in this is less of a willingness to compromise.
So how do you resolve the disgruntles in your relationship?
At the bottom-line of the issue is that there are very few (actually none that I know of) relationships that you can look to as a model, or role model for success where both partners are having their every need met, and neither is taking on the brunt of the compromise.
Asserting/requesting to have your needs met, can create conflict. You have to both be in a very healthy place for this conflict to not turn into something ugly; ie one of you feels that its too much "self" to compromise.
So how do you have a healthy relationship where both partners feel that their needs are met and you can resolve the conflict in a constructive way that perpetuates the feeling of being connected?
Its tough.
I wish there were more examples in the brainwashing that is pushed out to us through books, magazines, TV, and movies.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
me and airplanes
just not a good mix; especially when I am spending everyday of a week on the road for work, flying all over the place.
What happens is that I get annoyed with EVERYONE! Especially the people in my SPACE! This is why, it is compulsory for me to be in FIRST. The airlines should automatically upgrade me as a courtesy to their other passengers, and humanity as a whole.
Problem number 2. I become melancholy, almost depressive, introspective, and maudlin. I sit in my head thinking all these "oh woe is me" thoughts that are rarely profound enough to matter on landing.
And if all of that isn't bad enough, by the time I get home, I am just in a FOUL mood. I want to be alone, I don't want to be alone. I want to sleep, I don't want to sleep, I want to eat, I don't want to eat.....blegh!
What happens is that I get annoyed with EVERYONE! Especially the people in my SPACE! This is why, it is compulsory for me to be in FIRST. The airlines should automatically upgrade me as a courtesy to their other passengers, and humanity as a whole.
Problem number 2. I become melancholy, almost depressive, introspective, and maudlin. I sit in my head thinking all these "oh woe is me" thoughts that are rarely profound enough to matter on landing.
And if all of that isn't bad enough, by the time I get home, I am just in a FOUL mood. I want to be alone, I don't want to be alone. I want to sleep, I don't want to sleep, I want to eat, I don't want to eat.....blegh!
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Jamie Oliver
How do I become Jamie Oliver? ok, if I can't become him, how can at least become a little part of him?
he is so relaxed about cooking; he is so creative in a very simple way; he is so CUTE!; he gave up his starting-role-as-chef-career to save all the children in the world who eat lunch at school.
Maybe I should just buy all his book....
ok, maybe I'll start with one.
I am an official supporter of Jamie Oliver!
he is so relaxed about cooking; he is so creative in a very simple way; he is so CUTE!; he gave up his starting-role-as-chef-career to save all the children in the world who eat lunch at school.
Maybe I should just buy all his book....
ok, maybe I'll start with one.
I am an official supporter of Jamie Oliver!
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
does it matter?
I realized long ago that not everyone would like me.
and at that point, I decided that being me was more important than morphing myself so that everyone would like me.
Now that I'm older, I wonder about this realization and subsequent decision.
I have now come to realize that in order to have successful relationships everywhere in your life (ie work, home, the grocery store) you need to at least consider the viewpoint of the other opinion. This doesn't mean that you are changing yourself; in fact, it really has nothing to do with who you are as a person. But the result is that you have a more successful interation with the person in front of you.
They still may not like you.
and at that point, I decided that being me was more important than morphing myself so that everyone would like me.
Now that I'm older, I wonder about this realization and subsequent decision.
I have now come to realize that in order to have successful relationships everywhere in your life (ie work, home, the grocery store) you need to at least consider the viewpoint of the other opinion. This doesn't mean that you are changing yourself; in fact, it really has nothing to do with who you are as a person. But the result is that you have a more successful interation with the person in front of you.
They still may not like you.
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