Cats or Dogs

I am not a dog person.
I just don't like them.
I think its because they are too needy.
Believe me, I have had my fair share of dogs. And as an adult, its just not something I want in my life.

When I was growing up, we had LOTS of dogs. Big, small, german shepard, mutt, daschund, dalmation, collie, you name it. We lived on 5 acres, so the dogs just ran around... in the house, out the house, none of them were necessarily assigned to a person, they were just all "our" dogs. I remember the process of house training them when they were puppies, and I remember them sleeping outside or inside, whever we happened to be. After we moved to the city when I was 12, my parents got me a dog. This one was identified as mine. It was a miniature maltese who I named Mickey (after Mickey Mouse). I loved that dog. It would spend the night in the kitchen, and when it was let out in the morning, it would RUN to my bedroom. It was little, cute, cuddly, and mine. It got through the security gate of the front door and was killed on the road. My parents got me another one the same night (probably not a good idea, they probably should have let me grieve), this one was names Mouse, it was not a miniature, and it was never really mine. It was just one of our dogs.

So - am I not a dog person because I had a traumatic dog experience associated with attachment?

Yea. I think my aversion is more than that.
I don't like needy/clingy people either; and I can't say that my best friend from high-school with whom I blood-swore friendship forever died... so there's no residual Freudian anti thing going on... although I can have other theories there which I won't go into here....

anyway...
I have also always liked cats. And when I was VERY little, I had a white cat called Queenie. Now this cat was mine. I don't know what happened to her, she probably died, and I still like cats, so there you go, theory of dog trauma blown.
Here's how I know that Queenie was "mine" (besides my mother telling me so): there are photos of me pushing her around in a pram all covered up with a blanket. Yip, the cat let me play "baby" with her. Now, a cat would have to be "yours" to let you do that!

We have two cats now. Max and Molly Goldberg (the cats are married even though we are not).
I know that with cats they are different creatures to their people than they are to friends and family of those people. Our cats do things with us that they don't do with other people. Those little things that indicate attachment and make you feel mushy inside and love for your pet.
When I come home, they hear the garage door open from the bedroom (they sleep on our bed all day), and they are waiting for me at the door in to the house when I walk in. They will greet Greg if he comes home first, not when I'm home already, but they always wait for me. Then, Molly will RUN to the bedroom closet because she knows that the first thing I do is take off my shoes inside the closet. Then I usually pee - so her next stop is the bathroom. When I comply with her expectations, she PURRRRRRRS! Crazy loud purring!
When I am home, they follow me from room to room. They find spots to sleep close to me. If I am on the computer, Max will lie in the same spot on the carpet next to me. When Greg and I watch TV in the evening, they come for pets, and then lie on the couch with us. When we go to bed, they follow us in and curl up on the bed.

When you are in the presence of a cat that gives you attention and is obviously attached, you value and treasure that connection. They are not in your face, they are near; they do not DEMAND attention, they make subtle requests infrequently. They keep you company, and they give you affection when you are distressed. Our little family feels very purfect when we are all together. The two quiet self-contained people, and the two quiet self-contained cats.

"The story of the dishwasher"

I love Lowes

 

Once upon a time, there was a couple who's dishwasher broke. They went to Lowes and asked the salesperson: which is the quietest one, you see our kitchen and living room are all in one. They bought the recommended Bosche. The Lowes installer went to their house and they all noticed that the old dishwasher was stuck in on the top by a tile counter top and stuck in on the bottom by retro-installed real hard wood floors - ie 2 inches. Oh my, can you get that thing out? they asked the installer. No problem! he said, and after some pushing, pulling and really creative angles, out it came. He installed the new dishwasher and mounted it with an L-bracket to the counter.

 

Oh how they loved their new dishwasher. They couldn't tell when it was on it was that quiet. The dishes were all sparkly and clean.

 

A year later, they decided to remodel their kitchen. Now that was a whole saga of its own. But during the remodel, the lovely dishwasher waited in the garage to be reinstalled. Once it was back in its space, they came home to find that it hadn't been attached to the counter, so when they closed the door, the whole thing pushed back in the hole under the counter. Wazzup with that? they asked the contractor. What? you want it attached? But there's no bracket. Huh?! they replied, 'cause the Lowe's installer attached it to the counter. The contractor replied: There was no bracket, but I can make something up.

 

Now the couple had a new kitchen surrounding their lovely Bosche. They did a couple loads of dishes as they moved their stuff back into the kitchen, and the next day, noticed that the dishwasher was still draining. Huh? 12 hours later? that's not right? The contractor said it couldn't be how he installed it, and the customer service rep suggested that it may be a mechanical issue. So Mr. Appliance came to see. Look here! said the repair man. There are two holes on the inside tub! They look like they've been made by a screwdriver. Wha ?! And look here, inside the base, here is a screw and a bracket! Double Wha ?!

 

Of course the contractor denied any liability. But said he would work with the manufacturer to get a replacement. After a LONG drawn out back and forth with letters and serial numbers, ie THREE months. The manufacturer sends a replacement dishwasher. The couple decides that they will have a licensed Bosche installer do the work instead of the contractor and calls Mr. Appliance back. The first thing he does is take off the electrical cap to undo the wires. Guess what he finds? no, not some nice clean wires twisted together. He found a melted, burned, mess of wires! Oh my god! its a fire waiting to happen. The couple is furious!

 

Mr. Appliance obviously doesn't really know what he's doing. Pushing, pulling, he didn't know about the handy screw up front that allowed him to adjust the legs in the back, no he had to call his dispatcher to find out about that. He is flumuxed. He cannot get the dishwasher out of the space in the counter. This is strange to the couple because the hole is bigger than in the old kitchen's, the contractor got the dishwasher in the hole, how difficult can it be to get it out? Mr. Appliance gave up. He couldn't do it. Ok, say the couple, they didn't really want this man installing their dishwasher anyway.

 

I know, says the woman, I will call Lowes and have the same guy who did the original install come back. And that's what they did. Not only did Lowes figure out which company they had used previously, they also found the actual guy! Now that's customer service.

 

When the man came home from work that night, the couple decided to see if they could remove the dishwasher. They each took a side. Let's tip it up, the woman said. Snap! The dishwasher is out.

 

no, the dishwasher is not installed - yet. The old dishwasher is sitting outside of its hole, still connected to the sink drain, and the new dishwasher is sitting in the hallway ready for the installer. The couple are still waiting for the installer to call and schedule an appnt. Therefore....

 

...to be continued.

 

 

Yikes!

http://www.apa.org/pi/wpo/sexualizationsum.html

Late Weekend Recap

Spent this weekend in the AZ desert watching a bunch of INSANE people ride mountain bikes on a 15 mile loop, over and over for 24 hours. Some of them were more insane than others. Here's how I rank the insanity:

5. 5-person teams - insane because they think riding in circles is a fun way to spend a weekend.
4. 4-person teams taking turns doing laps. Yes, I think this is insane, but at least there are 3 other guys in it with you.
3. duo - two people taking turns. Either doing double laps to give the other guy at least 2 hours of rest, or switching every lap. And some of these guys were doing laps in 1:15, which means you only get about 1/2 hour to rest/eat/fix bike
2. solo - its all up to you. Noone else to help get those lap times up
1. single speed, no shocks, solo - yup, 24 hours of riding a hard bike with no gears to help; your number 1 insane person

My conclusion was that the Duo was the hardest to pull off. If you're solo, and you decide to take a break, you are only working on your own time/result, if you are 4 or more, there are other guys to catch the slack. When you are 2, and you feel crappy, you are letting down your teammate. You have this incentive to keep pushing on.

Anyway - our guys did pretty well. They were aiming for 16 laps, but did 15 due to leg exhaustion. The did some incredible lap times and were happy with that.

They REALLY need support - people to keep the fire going so that they can cook food (soup being the item of choice), help them get back to camp (very dark and maze-like out there), and help them get up and to the start in time for the other guy's arrival.

But supporting SUCKS. You can't really get in a block of sleep, there is NOTHING to do while you wait (you can't watch 'cause the course is pretty sprawling). So Beth and I volunteered a SEVEN HOUR shift (I was in shock at the length of that!). It definately improved the experience, but we weren't around to help our guys. Maybe next year, we can take turns supporting and sleeping... that way there will always be someone up to help the guys. But can you imagine how boring it would be awake at 3am BY YOURSELF!

argh!
the frustrations of having an "active" partner!

impending burnout

its been 5 days since my last post.

Man! Am I a lame blogger!
Well, I just haven't had anything worth musing about.
Until right now... that is.

I have been feeling the grip of work pull me back in. For the first week or so of being back from vacation, I was more of a 20%er than an 80%er. I still felt relaxed, oh yes, and sleepy, for some reason. I started putting some effort in to things that were my responsibility to initiate and while I was waiting for them to come back, other things started popping up. The next thing I knew, I was forced into being a 100%er... and since I have some work to do this weekend, I suppose its actually 110% !
I am making a concerted effort to get out of there at 5pm everyday. Actually a little before 5 so that I can get out of the parking garage before the traffic. So that means that I have to stay focused for the 8+ hours that I'm there.

I've kind of been watching how it works this time, that vortex of sucking in. And I realize that its about focus. When you're doing the 20%, you let your focus go sloppy, its not really there. But when you are sucked in, you are focused. And that's it. For as long as you are there. For me, focus means multi-tasking, emailing on the phone, asking people to do things while checking email, following up with people while on the phone, making lists and post-it ('cause when I hang up the phone I don't remember what I just said I'd do), and throwing them away.
This is VERY hard to leave behind.
I wish I had a peaceful drive to help me transition. But the traffic and STOOPID drivers I have to deal with means that I am still focused on the drive. So, get home, and I'm still wound up. Yesterday, yes Friday, I got home, and got a work call at 6:30. So of course, its hard to let go.

And this is the driving force of the burnout!

is it denial, a skill, or just irritating?

I have found that there are two groups of people, those that accept and embrace reality and those that live in a dream world of their own creation.

Let me elaborate.

You have a meeting with someone where you express that you are having an issue, you explain what it is, and you talk to them about how they are going to help you fix it. Then, you go away. Now, technically "fixing" is happening. Then you see the person on another day, and they interact with you as if n.o.t.h.i.n.g is going on. "My, what nice weather we are having"

Now - is this a coping mechanism? is it denial? or is it a clever skill to help deal with those awkward moments in the elevator when you have run into each other and you don't know what to say because the ISSUE is such a LARGE elephant?!

Review of Superbowl Commercials

Whatever!

 

the only ones I found remotely entertaining where the ones created by the general public...

let's see, I don't even remember what they were for.... ummm......

Doritos, right, especially the one with the lady at the checkout.

 

The budweiser ones SUCKED!

 

and Revlon made a case for the "not fade away" wherein I actually consider using it.

overheard

...and I told her...

 

...I'm not gonna...

 

...we don't have time...

 

...and she goes...and I go...

 

...that's what they told us...

 

...like...

 

...nya nya nya nya...

for the record

1. Tues was my birthday.

uneventful.

I think that this week lived with a pallor due to the impending Wed personnel review that I was dreading !

but let the record show that I EXPECT a HUGE bash for my 40th! yes, you over, there... no, mom, not you.... take a note and mark your calendar for June '08 'cause its gonna take you at least that long to plan my smashing 40th bday CELEBRATION; I am not hinting subtley here that it will NOT be me planning it - get my drift?!

 

Highlight of the day:

took cupcakes to Flamenco, after class offered them around, and one of the very shy, new, guitarists asked me if I had "broken the back of 20 yet" !!

ha ha....

I said "yes, quite healthily!"

 

2. Wed was my personnel review

it was a 180 to what I was expecting. They (my boss and HR) were all "you're great, we see and value your strengths, ... "

and I think all those positive things sent in by the people I actually work with did their trick (thank you all the people!)

in the end... I will be given someone to team with to do business development so that I can continue focusing on managing BIG projects and programs.

so, maybe I won't quit.

this month

;-)

 

scraping the bottom of the barrel

I want to make sure that I paint a clear picture of my inner workings here on this blog... so here is the email I sent to my coworker (actually she works FOR me), on this rainy day (very rare here in the "oven")

 

"I hate you right now!

 

to think that you are all cozy at home with your sleeping baby (or sucking baby, same concept of coziness)... perhaps a cup of tea or hot choc.... listening to calming music, or NPR.....

 

yes, I'm hating you right now....

 

and - for the record, my soup was very delicious, but not filling or satisfying in a nutritional way. I needed the "corn and peas", or PROTEIN!"

HB 2 me

I'm so tired.

I shouldn't be, because I just had a WEEK LONG vacation!

I WISH I had energy to do things in the evening!
I have not been able to do more than 2 workouts in the week; that's LAME considering that BEFORE I went on vacation, I was able to think about THREE!

could it be, that today I'm 38, and being older makes me s l o w d o w n. I n e e d t o t a k e n a p s to h a v e e n o u g h e n e r g y to m a k e i t t h r o u g h t h e w e e k.

I am now OLD!

Costa Rica

The magical river



The view of the Pacific from the top of our hill

The Apprentice jumps the shark

ok, so I watch The Apprentice. And mostly, I find it entertaining. I like to see how the teams work together and I think about their choices. Having an MBA and working as a project manager, it has interest to me.

But this Los Angeles season? - SUCKS!

here's why:
1. its all the FLUFF stuff and none of the decision making
The give very little time to how the teams work out their approach etc, they are only highlighting the things that happen that you need to know to understand the boardroom, which means:
2. ITS TOTALLY PREDICTABLE
The way they are editing completely sets it up so that you know which team looses.
3. the loosing teams camps out in tents in the backyard
I would LOVE to have such a set-up campsite! but really! this is NOT survivor! its about BUSINESS! geez)
4. There is none of the business decision making process that there usually is...
Are these people just BORING? useless? or do they have a new editor/producer person who wants it to be superficial, like LA?!
5. Who CARES if the one team hears what the other team is talking about... these people are not STRATEGIZING against each other! Again, this is NOT survivor!!

come on! bring back the business!

one more Folb in Tempe than there used to be

I have three brothers. Actually, two are half brothers from my dad's 2nd marriage - but since we are a patriarchal culture, I just call them brothers.
The oldest, who is 20, is doing a semester at ASU. He says he picked ASU because its close to me, but I think that its rank in the top 5 "party" schools contributed to the decision. Either way, he's here.

He and his friends (there are 4 of them altogether) arrived the week before we left for Costa Rica, so we didn't have much time to be together. I did offer to take them to Walmart (god!) on Thursday 'cause they still hadn't purchased sheets, blankets, towels, and pillow (oh to be 20 and not care about pillows!). I also talked them into buying some breakfast items and treated them to some vodka. The drinking age in Australia is 18, so they are having a hard time dealing with this 21 thing. It didn't take them long to learn that the US is a lot more lax on rules than Oz (lesson 1).

That shopping spree was an interesting experience. They are less mature than I was at that age. I think it may be because they live in a close, closed, strong community of ex-pat south africans. They all still live at home, and they are all mid to upper middle class, so no stress about money, things, or responsibilities. I think this was the first time in their lives they ever thought about why they might like the pillow they use at home and what characteristics they should pick in the purchase of a new one.
I don't plan to see this gang of boys very often, but I figure every now and again, I'll offer them a home-cooked meal, and the sanctuary of a house and car transport for errands. I don't mind being a mom-sister.

The most interesting part about this is that when I drive around downtown Tempe now, a place I have called home for about 8 years, I see it in very different eyes. I have never really thought about the college community that is its mainstay. Now I notice how far the dorms are from food, how far they are from Mill, how hectic with cars the streets are, and how different this college is to any of the ones I attended. Its also crazy to think that my brother might be in that restaurant over there, or walking down that street, and when I drive past his dorm I can see his door, and imagine that he's asleep or watching TV, or hanging out... right there!

I have invited them over for BBQ this Sunday. I still haven't had confirmation that they are coming. I told him that I knew it was a tall order to invite him to an activity where there was absolutely NO chance that any of them would get laid, but hoped they'd take me up on the offer anyway... 'cause I could guarantee alcohol!

response to Aaron

-1

to make a HUGE life-changing choice, or not

I have some new friends. The husband works with me, and when they moved to Phoenix, they chose a neighborhood very close to our house. They have 3 kids - 10YO daughter and two younger boys. The husband went on about how his daughter was having a hard time about the move before the family made it, and I sort of reached out to her and have invited her to join us in some of our more kid-friendly antics. She seemingly enjoys the distraction, and its blossoming into a "connection". However, that's not the point of today's musing.

Yesterday, the husband told me that there is a small family at the elementary school of a sister (10YO) and brother (7YO) who's father is out of the picture, and the mother is going to jail for a year. My new friends have had the kids over to dinner at their house, and feel the difficulty of their lives. They understand that the children will enter the foster system for this next year, and they are concerned. They are thinking of adding the daughter to their family. They have a small house, and their boys already share a room, but it would be easy to add the girl in with their daughter. She was resistant at first, but apparently, understands why she should make this compromise. My friends are concerned about the boy because he is less "adapted" than his sister, and needs a lot of attention. They don't feel that they can extend themselves that much, and they are also concerned about the impact it would have on the friendship and behavior of their two boys. I understand. And I applaud them. But of course, my first thought was about that "needy" boy who will be separated from his mother and sister. I thought, "how easy if we could take him; he would still be able to go to the same school; he would be able to visit with the family of my friends, thus seeing his sister, etc"... my next thought was, But. my friends already have a family "infrastructure" that supports having a child. I don't. I don't have an arrangement for after-school care, dropping off, picking up, homework, dinner routines, after-school activities.... and am I willing to add them?

yikes! on the one hand it seems so do'able, but on the other.... very not.

I completely forgot to talk to Greg about it last night - which I had intended to do - the after-work tireds? or a sign?

home from "home"

Just got back from 8 days in Costa Rica. Trip number 3. This one was very different. Instead of feeling like a tourist in the unfamiliar, it felt more familiar and "home". That might be because instead of us as the initiates, we took along Beth and Aaron, so we were the experienced and they the novice. When you are showing and telling and explaining, you have a feeling of familiar that you don't have when you are observing and commenting and absorbing. It was really nice, though, to feel like we were "home" in an unfamiliar place where we own land.

We also went through a different travel experience on this trip than usual. Our typical MO is to fly in to San Jose and take the first available flight to the Nicoya and reverse the operation on the way back. In other words, we hadn't ever seen any other part of the country.

This time, we rented a car, stayed a couple nights in San Jose, walked around, got a feel for the capital, drove to the ferry, ferried to the Nicoya, drove to Santa Theresa, beached, reversed the drive and went north to see Arenal volcano, and back to San Jose.
Yes, it is a beautiful country. Its green, lush, tropical. I'm glad that we toured around a bit, but I think that my heart is on the southern Nicoya, and in the future, I'm happy to do the plane hopping to get to the beach ASAP.

The other thing I have to say, is that our land is INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL. It was really great to be able to walk around and experience it. We mapped all the features with a GPS. The river is so magical (will post pics later), and the most incredible part is that since this land was used by the previous owner for his horses, and not as cattle grazing, it was never clear-cut. There is an obvious line between our land and that adjacent, because ours is a JUNGLE. In the past, someone planted tree fences and so there is a line of huge trees that marks the boundary - in case the jungle was not obvious enough. We saw monkeys, coati, and lots of lizards/iguanas.

Travelling on vacation with other people was also a new experience for us. We usually go on vacation alone or with my family (except for a trip to San Carlos, Mexico, but that was with SO many people that it was an experience unto itself). Anyway, I learned things about our friends that I hadn't known or realized before, and I learned things about us that I hadn't realized before - mostly, that we are pretty quiet people. I mean, I know that our home and life is pretty peaceful, but I had never really realized how much that is a result of who we are. I always thought it was because we didn't have kids, have cats (which are fairly calm, at least calmer than dogs), and because we spend our time at home trying to be relaxed to recover from all the crap and stress that goes on at work. But on this trip, I realized that Greg and I are innately quiet. We have times of excited, energy, passion, activity, but at the core is peace, quiet, and calm, not a lot of energy.

I've also known, through learning in my relationship, that Greg does not like anything that is a hassle, or more energy than the minimum; like crowds, or bustle, or confusion. He likes to be able to quietly process and absorb. This characteristic can be frustrating to me because he gets flustered in an airport, or mall, or doesn't like to make a complicated plan. But it also creates and perpetuates the quiet and calm. I found myself wondering if I have become more quiet because of it, or if the quiet it also an intrinsic quality of me. Probably it was there, and in my experience with Greg has become emphasized.

We are also pretty go-with-the-flow people, which is kind of ironic because we are both very Type A, independent, assertive; but in a group, we tend to allow others to call the shots. Don't get me wrong, if we have needs, we make them known; but overall, we allow others to direct conversation, topics of interest, and the general flow. I've seen how we do this with my family, but then, I have always done that with them because the rest of my family all like to be the center of attention more than me. On this trip, I realized that this is actually who we are, its not isolated to family experiences.

Anyway, that's all on Costa Rica for now, have to finish laundry, do groceries, pay bills, and finish unpacking. Then, I can download distribute and share the photos!

just so's you know

I've been sick.

and still have to work

on a proposal that's due tomorrow.

I'm also packing and making lists and buying things and running errands in preparation for our trip to Costa Rica.

It's not that I've gone away or anything, just using energy on other things.

for now

how to figure it out

in thinking about this whole what do I want to do for work thing, there are all these thoughts that swarm through my head. I feel like they are mosquitoes and I'm trying to swat them and missing and they buzz in my ears some more.

 

Finding a company where you fit is like finding a relationship that works, except that with relationships, there are things you can do to get to know each other before you commit and sign the W2. How do you get to know who a company is before you make the commitment? and even if you do a ton of due diligence, management could change, and the whole atmosphere be different.

 

I think I have a pretty good idea of what my skills and strengths are, and unfortunately, I don't think that they relate to a particular specialty, like a do'er, I think that I am better at management and making things happen, planning, organizing, motivating - making things happen. So, how do you define a job that captures the directing rather than the doing?

 

as an aside - I was thinking last night, I committed to a personal trainer and working out, like a new year's resolution, TWO MONTHS ago. So, my "planning radar" is two months ahead, I think you can say.

 

anyway - today I am documenting the challenge of figuring out what is right for you. The challenge of figuring out what kind of working environment fosters your growth and helps you excel.

 

Of course, some people may just be happy with a job that pays them money. But when you have committed (money and time) to an (advanced) education to contribute to the workforce and something meaningful, or that gives you meaning, then, by golly, you want it to happen!

 

I think sometimes that if you are a parent, you can always say that your contribution is the mentoring and fostering of this other person that can be your legacy. But when you are not a parent, you need to be contributing more than just changing all your stupid lightbulbs to CF and driving below 3000 RPMs !

 

I am scared to apply for a job at another company.

I am scared of the rejection if they turn me down.

and I am scared of finding myself in this situation of being frustrated and not knowing whether its me or them.

 

I want someone to want me, I want someone to say - Lisa, you are what we want, your skills match our need. Come and work for us.

 

But there are no "bars" where "seasoned" professionals can go and "meet" prospective employers. Just stupid college fairs and internships for those young moldable idealistic sub-30's greenies.

Musings: a series: intro

We have our reviews at work in a couple of MONTHS. but my supervisor has asked that we all start a) talking to our staff and b) start thinking about ourselves.

There is a LIST of things they want us to think about, and honestly, I just . don't . know.

 

So - I have decided to ponder here amongst the musings.

 

Exhibit 1

The Questions

1. Current Job title or Role:

2. Vision Statement:

3. Business Competency Development Need:  Project Management; Industry Knowledge; Functional Skills.

4. Behavioral Competency Development Need:  Communications; Leadership; Problem Solving; Customer Focus.

5. Technical Competency Development Need:  Architecutre; Construction; Engineering; Finance; GIS; Human Resources; Marketing; etc.

6. Why were these selected for development?

7. What will be done to develop them?

8. How will success in each be measured?

 

aaaah.

how much fun in one place!

 

Exhibit 2

my supervisor's way of explainging things

Imagine two sets of three circles set one represents your Need, Desire, Skills set two represents the company's Opportunity, Desire, Skills

We want our people's intersection to match the company's intersection.

 

for the record:

there will be two contexts....

 

context 1 = the actual answers to the questions

context 2 = what I can actually put on my review.

because I can tell you now, if I asked them to use me the way that matches all these answers, I know right now that there is not a job for me here.

Blog Review

I have recently dedicated some time to Sweet Juniper.

This is a site maintained by the Parents (Dutch and Wood) of Juniper.

It seems that they may have started the site to keep in touch with each other when he went back to work (?) - maybe.

Anyway.... I noticed it in the past through links, and I was intrigued by the photography. They take photos of interesting things always with Juniper in the frame. The photos are interesting because its not a photo of Juniper, so she is always somewhat distracted, or not posed. But she is ALWAYS wearing something interesting. That's what hooked me first. The incredible outfits they have on this child.

 

They don't have the site on a feed, so I never "watched" 'cause I rely on my feed reader.

Then I visited again, and noticed a post by the dad, Dutch, on Christmas presents for the daughter. And what they did for year 1, and maybe also year 2, is instead of buying her toys - which she didn't need - they spent her present money on clothes from people who sew and sell their wears/wares. This hooked me even more because I thought it was an interesting value to a) not want to buy your kid pounds of plastic and b) put value on what she wears by supporting small time manufacturers.

 

So - I gave the site some time the other day, and I have to say, he is a GOOD writer - hooks you, keeps you hooked for LONG passages, and these people believe and act on their values.

 

I have never felt a blog worthy of musing... but this one is - I think.

--
Posted By Musing to Musings at 1/03/2007 09:34:00 AM

A New Adventure

The endless adventures of Bogie Van.
Yesterday, we decided we'd resurrect the Boogie to make a New Year's celebration.
We had to get a new battery, vacuum, & Greg HAND pumped the tires.
We went the 4 miles to pick up our friends - no problem.
And then we went the 1 mile to the restaurant.
Oops Greg went right by the turn, now why was that?
No brakes!
We slowed & Greg turned in to an empty parking lot and put on the emergency brake.
Whew! no issues!
We walked the 1/4 mile to the restaurant & some other friends took us to get another car.
Today, Boogie got towed.

"Dude, what happened to you last night??"

Are you like me? or not?

The other night, I was listening to two people talking about morals and how you might be bothered by something on a moral level without realizing that this thing goes against your morals until someone you care about crosses the line.

I was listening to them thinking about whether or not I could identify. And I realized that I couldn't. I realized that I don't think anything has ever crossed my "moral" threshold.

Is it because I am immoral?

I think I am a very understanding person, I think that's why I am not easily offended.

And so I started thinking (during that sleepless night - remember that?) what does tick me off? do I have any lines?

I do have one....
integrity.
but even that is flexible.

Take my brother. I know that he changes his mind often, I know that he may not always do what he says he is going to do, I know that in some situation he can be unreliable. Do I say that he has lost integrity? no. because he has integrity in the way that he lives his life. These factors are just things that are a part of him. They ARE his integrity.

I know this is probably confusing. But there you have it. That's just me.

and, if you were wondering...
its tough for me to sympathize with people sometimes because something that is B.U.G.G.I.N.G them can seem to be a non-issue for me.
Its not that I have no ability to be empathetic.

DONE - for now

My cooking for crowds is over Yay!
I enjoyed putting the kitchen though its paces, and I think we were successful.
Here was the post-Boxing Day cocktail party/open house menu.

cheese coins
crab cakes
mushroom phyllo thingies (also MSL, can't find recipe due to annoying new "search" system)
eggplant dip (also MSL, can't find recipe due to annoying new "search" system)
baked brie-recipe from a friend
orange-yogurt cake (also MSL, can't find recipe due to annoying new "search" system)
brownie bites-from a box

I also put out guacamole from TJ's and See's chocolates.
Jen brought salmon tea sandwiches and an apple pie, and Adrian made baked beans with kielbasa.

One thing we didn't fix

Through all of this holiday cooking, I've realized that there is one thing in our kitchen that is wrong - that we didn't fix. Although, I don't think we could have fixed it.

The oven is at the short end of the island.
In itself that is not an issue.
But for some reason, people like to stand in that spot. So if you need to open the oven, you have to ask the people to move. And for some reason, people forget that you just asked them to move, so as soon as you close the oven, they are back standing over there.
Now add to this that the oven temperature varies, so you have to keep looking at the thermometer inside... so when you are baking or cooking in my oven, you need to open it a lot!

on the left is the location of the oven in relation to the island; on the right is how much space you have to stand there with the oven open. Since I am fairly small, you can see the issue.

In my sleeplessness of the other night, I was pondering this issue. Mostly, I was wondering why people stand there. If you are paying attention to where you are in space and there are things going on around your back - THAT close to your back - wouldn't you move, and stay moved?

oh.
while I was taking those photos, I realized I could capture the reflection of both skylights in the counter:

Sleepless Nights

I could NOT sleep last night. I thought about this, and that, and this again.
I had all these ideas for things to post on my blog... and then composed them. Complete with spellcheck! I actually contemplated getting up and typing... but thought, well - if I lie here still I might fall asleep - three hours later...

anyway, its morning, I did sleep, and now I'm waiting for a 10:45 vet appointment, and I have to stop Max from peeing before then so that they can do a urine sample and make sure that his "inappropriate elimination" is not due to medical reasons. Yea, we know its behavioral, but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt - first.

So, I'm going to do some typing, cleaning, things where I will be still, so they will just lie with me and not want to be outside or wandering.

That's all for now, but stay tuned for some "dailies".

Holiday Season

Well this has been a very different holiday season.
Usually, we have some sort of gift experience, a lot of family time, and a few social events.

This year, we had LOTS of social obligations before the holidays.
We planned a cocktail party/open house here for all our friends as that one social event.
But all those plans went awry.
We only made it to one pre-Xmas party, and we’re hosting THREE.
I was talking to a friend about getting together on Xmas eve, and decided we’d host a dinner. On Sat, the guest count went from 6 to 8, to 12, to 13, to 10. Luckily, our menu was planned to feed an army, so we are just eating the leftovers for the rest of the week.

Tomorrow I start shopping & cooking for the party, and then or New Year’s Day we do a small gift exchange. Those are all the social events.

In the meantime, I’m using the days to catch-up on errands. Today, we rented a carpet cleaner! and removed the evidence of “kitchen” from the porch “carpet”! How’s that for “spirit?!”

are your worries really that bad?

An old Jewish saying goes:

if you and everyone else hung your worries on the worry tree, and then you could pick the ones you wanted,
you would select your own.

aHa!

... an email about my credit card bill.

 

aaaah... so THAT'S why I put up with it!

 

yup - in my values, that is a good reason.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WARNING: this post contains 100% sarcasm.

Such a Challenge

Its getting to the breaking point,

the tipping point,

where I just can't take it anymore.

 

I wonder all the time if it is more because of me, or more because of the nature of the business.

 

I wish there were women leaders out there who were able to mentor, and assist the rest of us in these blatant chauvanistic experiences.

Sometimes I think about writing to Martha Stewart and asking her to write a book, or something other than magazine froo froo, about the realities of being a female leader.

I wish there was someone I could talk to, to say, this is what happened to me right now; how should I respond.

 

I am pretty sure that being surrounded by male managers means that in an adapt-or-die kind of way, I take on the traits; which of course make me rejected because I am behaving out of the expected form.

If I was in an environment where there were other, like even just one other, technical lead who was a woman, we could at least band together to try and make change.

 

When you talk to upper management about it, they just think you're whining.

 

I realize that I have 2 options, take it or reject it. If I take it, they will think that they can treat me that way; so I try to assert myself, I try to not accept the derogatory. And then I get labelled as ... (I can't even think about the words right now - I make a concerted effort to use positive words instead of their negative counterparts; the positive words would be strong, direct, assertive). This is not how their wives behave, and so why do I?!

 

Today, a guy (a peer - sorry, that's not true, in a strict examination of the office org chart, I am actually above him) told me, basically, that I was not to talk to this, like, administrative person at a prospective client ever again.

I am the person who has submitted proposals to this person, I am the one who has talked to her about our company, I am the one that she calls. And because of something completely out of my control, he has decided that I am not qualified or good enough or smart enough to ever . talk . to . her . again. He said - send me the person's contact info, and I'll call her.

How do you respond to this.... ??? do you just do it? or do you put up a fight?

 

I told him not to treat me like an idiot. I said, how is it going to look, you who she doesn't know and has never even heard of, calling out of the blue to tell her that I am wrong and that she shouldn't talk to me anymore? No matter how you phrase that, you are communicating that Lisa is not competent - ie in the future when she submits a proposal to you, don't trust it.

His response "don't get defensive" "this is water under the bridge" and then in the next sentence he says: "in the future, when she calls you, it is not about your field. It is about my field, and you should refer her to me."

I'm sorry... when did he become psychic? when did he suddenly know everything that is going on in the mind of this woman that he has never met? at this client that we don't work for.

 

I'm going to stop now 'cause its just making me angry.

 

and Martha Stewart, if you have snoops out there searching for your name in random contexts, please! please! please! share your experiences. We don't care if you were called a bitch. We don't care if they say you are cold and uncaring. We don't care if they chastise you for putting business first, and your personal life second.

 

Because they have called us those things too.

A theory on a new topic - "terrible" twos

Here's a thought.
When your kid is a baby, not communicating intent, only demanding fulfillment of basic needs, you make all the decisions. You can pick the kid up and move it, you can feed it what you like, you give it something to play with, you are calling all the shots.
Once the kid starts to think, it wants to have more autonomy. Ok, so I know that's the definition of terrible two... kid claiming independance. But usually people put that on the kid... the kid is naughty, the kid has a temper, the kid is demanding, the kid won't do what its told.
My thought, is maybe this is really about the parent. You are stuck in a rut, you are used to a type of behavior, you are not used to letting your kid call the shots. Think about a six year old. You allow the kid autonomy, and you talk to them about things you want them to do. "Please will you put on your shoes" - whereas with the 2YO, YOU try to put on the shoes.
So maybe an idea would be to start reasoning with your kid early on so that when you hit that autonomy age, the kid has the feeling of decision because you are talking to it, rather than just doing.

Perhaps you've already figured this out, and I'm the one who's lagging.

Another Theory about Management

Do you know how to tell when the employees of a company suck, ie they are not very good at doing their job?

When the management give you instruction, they explain every . tiny . d.e.t.a.i.l.

this is another one of those self supporting cycles. They treat you like you can't do anything without explicit instruction, you keep getting explicit instruction, so you stop thinking for yourself, they think you can't do anything without them, so they give you explicit instruction, and the cycle continues.

If you want examples, let me know (via email) 'cause I'm not making those public.

My dream Job!

For the past couple of days, I've been talking a lot about my thoughts on a piece of technology. The discussions have been with a couple of different people; they are engaged and interested in my answers, and I get completely taken away by how exciting it is to talk about my opinion on the subject.

 

I feel kind of weird that I enjoy the conversation to much, and I started wondering last night why it makes me so excited.

 

I think one of the factors is that when someone is paying attention to your opinion like that it just gives you lots of energy. You are getting complete attention, you are engaged, and you are connected. The other part is harder to understand...

 

I think it is because I like to figure things out; I like to solve problems; I like to look for the problems, and think about ways to solve them. I also like to put things together, think about efficiency, think about process.

 

I remember when we were kids, my parents would always buy my brother model airplanes. He used to throw them together, getting glue everywhere, ripping the emblems. Sometimes they would sit there unmade. I don't think it was something that excited him, it was just something that he'd been given to do and occupy his time. I LONGED for those airplanes. I wanted them SO much. I wanted to carefully take apart the pieces from the frame, carefully follow the instructions, carefully assemble them. I am pretty sure that I must have asked for one because I wanted them so badly. But I know I never got them.

 

When I could buy my own things (!) for myself (!) I bought the model of a Dodge RAM and put that together.... but I have found something that is even more fun than a stupid useless airplane, or a silly car............. IKEA FURNITURE!

I think that stuff is worth the money just for the enjoyment of assembling it !!!!

 

so, I figure I have always enjoyed the process and the problem solving. And technology changes so much all the time, there is always something to figure out. This current trend of discussion about my thoughts and opinions.... I am LOVING it!!!

 

I wish I could make it my JOB!

the season

I have been pretty behind on my blog reading and writing this past week.

 

My new workout regime has kept me pretty busy, and tired/drained.

 

I caught up on my reading this weekend, and realize that everyone is getting ready for the holidays with decorating, and cooking, and shopping.

 

I plan to make all my gift purchases online because I am in NO mood for parking and malling!

A couple weeks ago I went to the mall on a Sat afternoon with the intent of running into the Gap and replacing a pair of jeans that had ripped. I drove through half of the parking lot and there were no spaces! Plus there were people stalking the mall leavers to follow them to their parking spaces. So I said, screw it, and left. Its not like I needed those jeans NOW! I starting thinking that 10-noon on a Sunday would be a good time to go 'cause all those people would be at CHURCH! ha ha.

 

Anyway.... I am behind on doing my cards! I am behind on doing my online shopping! I am only not behind on my kitchen! which is all moved in and ready to function.

This weekend is the cookie baking extravaganza. See archives for past editions (posting from email therefore no quick access to link links).

 

I have so much going on, I actually think I'm going to take a calendar and write it all down!

Its probably not as much as the past, but I have a harder time getting things done now that I'm OLD!

 

I'll let you know how it all goes.

Kitchen - at 98%

Before, During, and After
We are 98% done with construction - and 100% moved in!

I'm thinking about it

(the kitchen is move-in-able, so I just washed just about everything I own - note to self, wear gloves! - and I'm waiting for it to dry; this is not easy!)

What is it that I had in my 20s that I don't have now.

I don't think I understood about being a woman when I was in my 20s. I wouldn't say I was a tomboy, but I didn't see any difference between men and woman. I didn't know what it was that made me interesting or appealing as a woman. I do now, but my body is starting to look its age. If you don't know me, that may be a strange statement, but I have always looked very young. In fact, about 6 years ago, someone asked me if I was 18, and 2 years ago, someone asked me if I was 24 (I will be 40 in 2 years), so that's some real young looking. But, I think over the last year, I have started to look my age. This is one of the reasons I got the PT... I want to be in shape when I turn 40. I want to be firm, fit, and energetic. I am REALLY worried about the progression of the metabolism slow-down. I don't want it to upset me as much as it did in my 20s.

I also think that when I was younger I had a confidence with serious blinders, and through time, I've been "hit" by confidence busters. I was definately more carefree in my 20s, more confident, and I think I was "lighter"...

I look at all the young-uns at the gym and I think, I used to be that confident; I wish I could tell them how to hold on to it.

retrospection

When I was in my 20s, I wanted to be the person that I am today.

Today, I want to be the person I was in my 20s.

 

December, the month of missing

When I was a kid, we lived in a very rural part of South Africa... all of the people around us were Christian. Like here, all the ad's, media, and talk in Dec was about being festive. Keep in mind, that being in the S'rn hemisphere, South Africa was in the middle of summer during the Christmas holidays.

So, American and British TV were going on about snow, decorations, trees, presents, spicey smells, apple pie, roast dinners, and all things warm, cuddley, homey, and cozy.

 

We didn't have any of that.

It was sunny, hot, this was the season of the beach holiday. There were no pine trees, and being Jewish, there were no presents (exchanging gifts at Hannukah is not a universal amongst the Jews, its pretty isolated to the US materialistic capitalistic culture), family gatherings, big roast meals, or applie pies (definatly also a US phenomenon).

 

I felt very left out.

 

Another factor, I suppose, was that I don't have a big family, so there were none of those "home for the holidays" overflowing house experiences of idiosyncratic relatives and all of that were not occurrences of December. Yes, we had that WHOLE experience, complete with incredibly delicious food at the annual Seder at my Dad's cousin's... but you know, TV, movies, and the media didn't really go all out for that like they did for Christmas.

 

Now, my parents, being all caring, would give us a token little celebration. We would get a few presents... all in the name of "this is for your grandmother's sake"... and she would have a little tree, and we'd go over to her house and open up the presents... but for me, it wasn't the same without the big dead pine tree, the decorations, the smells, and the hordes of relatives (my mother's sister had kids when I was older, so even on the maternal side, there wasn't a lot of family running around these little gatherings).

 

When I went to college, there were a couple years where I spent the holidays with friends or boyfriends, and I really enjoyed those. They were also small family gatherings, but it was cold and snowy in Massachusetts, Connecticut, and New Hampshire. There were trees, and family ornaments, and presents.

 

As I get further away from having the need to experience organized religion, I still miss that feeling of home and cozy in December. Having my own home would seem like a good reason to do the whole thing.... but when you don't really practice a Christian religion, it just seems weird to do the whole thing. One year, my aunt and uncle came over from South Africa, and that seemed like the biggest reason of all to go ALL OUT. I got a tree that was as high as our ceiling. My first! I didn't want to buy ornaments, so I baked gingerbread cookies, and had friends help me string popcorn cranberry garlands. I added lights and some candycanes. It was very beautiful.

...but after all was said and done, my mom started having horrific allergy attacks, and the only thing we could figure caused them, was the tree... so out it went.

 

Over time, I have found a compromise. I still live in a snowless environment, although it is cold here... at night. But I can make my home have that cozy feel, and I fill my house with my friends by having at least one holiday "party", and I'm over presents, although we do them on a very small scale.

 

...as a result, I don't "miss" so much in December anymore.

Happy Birthday, Mom

Today is my Mom's birthday.

She has always been a creative person. Mostly using fabric as her medium. When I was young she was always doing an embroidery or tapestry of some sort, and I remember applique became the rage for a while, combined even with the embroidery. When we moved to America she made the obligatory geometric quilt, that oh so American of handiwork traditions. But my mother is not ordinary, and she is not geometric, so that wasn't going to do. She has been playing with different types of concepts now that all of these fabric and thread art forms have smoldered inside her left brain, and they have emerged from her into an expression of original creativity. She has become making fabric art. Since I think sometimes that I am the guinea pig receipient of the first try, like the first pancake in the batch, I would like to say that it started with a tapestry she made for us and our first home. I don't know that we ever hung that up in that house, but our new house had the perfect spot.










...and then she told me she wanted to try crazy quilts, and wanted to make me pillows, so I said, make them like Sassy toys.



...and then it just evolved into a fabric art craziness!!!







.... and now... someone saw her art at the coffee shop and she's having exhibits all over the place!!

So - in homage to my Mother...
happy birthday, and may the creative force be with you propelling you into retirement from one career, and into another that motivates, releases, and invigorates you.

Getting into the spirit of the season

Its more sparkley in real life. And it does what I wanted... Tannenbaum that represents winter and desert. Do you think this works?

It kinda makes the house feel more festive.

Plans for Sat

yes, you can tell me I'm a nut!

 

I am glad that its Sat... and I have plans! G. has a training thing at work, and so I'm going to regrout the bathroom sinks 'cause the current grout is coming out and the water is leaking down into the cabinets.

 

Then, I'm going to cut a dead branch out of a tree and put it in the house to create a festive feel... yup, in my mind, that has the potential to be festive!

We are planning a "boxing day" cocktail party... a lot of our friends who live in other parts of the country will be here, and so we're doing this to have everyone in the same place at the same time... I have "decorating" plans to make the house feel "wintery"... see... dead branch = winter. I'm going to make cutout snowflakes, we'll make fires (and recommend the guests come in T-shirts!), and have spiced cider and things that smell good. It just sounds all warm and homey thinking about it... I think that I need to think about "nesting" things since I still don't have a KITCHEN!

 

Wed the cabinet people put in some of the trim that was missing, but they still need to put handles on the drawers (they need spacers), and one of the doors was so badly damaged.... that they took it away!!!!! I have no idea what was wrong with that door 'cause it looked fine to us!

 

They come back on Monday to finish the cabinets - and RUMOR has it the granite will be here on Tues. I left a message for the contractor saying that I need water and clean cabinets by Dec 14 because I am going to take off the 15 to wash everything and put it away. I have the annual cookie baking insanity on the 16th, and I need my kitchen in working order! I'm looking forward to this baking extravaganza as the initiation of the new kitchen. With hope, there will be a ding and a mess, and flour everywhere... I do this with 2 friends - K. is the opposite of me... I'm meticulous and measuring, and planning, and focused; she's all over the place, and three cookies going at once, and faking the measuring and we have learned to work around each other; B. is completely different to both of us. She makes things up! and totally does her own thing... its TOTALLY exhausting! Anyway... I want my kitchen to be done for that.

 

I looked at my calendar today and kinda blocked off when I'm going to do what for this holiday season... one thing that makes me sad every year... we don't have a lot of cocktail parties to go to. I believe there are three on the schedule this year (including our own!), so that's two more than usual...

I don't know why more people we know don't do open houses or cocktail parties... and then I wonder, even if they did... would we go?

and maybe they do... but because we don't go, they don't invite us anymore.....

and then I also think that the issue isn't the lack of parties, or where they are... the issue is that I want those TV/Movie cocktail parties that are always happening in NY or Washington... so I'm missing something that doesn't even EXIST in the desert!

December has always been a month of missing things for me, maybe that's the root of the issue....

first things first

Kate was cold.

random thoughts

I had a lot of thoughts on the way to work this morning, let's see if I can remember them

- note to self - figure out the speech thing on the umpc so you can dictate in the car !

CONFIRMED: lisa is a GEEK!

 

ok;

gym.... once, I read on someone else's blog, a really funny thing or two about the ladies locker room at the gym. It was super funny because of how real it was... come to think of it, I might be able to find those posts - sidetrack! found it This morning, I thought of those observations because the locker room at my gym is hysterical. Its very nice! Like, spa nice! carpets, cherry-like lockers, hairdryers, kleenex, big mirrors, little mirror stands that aren't by the sinks, marble tile, lots of towels !! They have soap dispensers in the showers (which are separated by walls and have curtains), which I use (is that wrong?) because since everything at the Lifetime is from MN, and the Lifetime SPA is all Aveda, I kinda thought they would have nice soap. I like it... it doesn't dry you out and all that... anyway. I get there just before 7am, which is when the RUSH is getting ready to leave, and its ridiculous... all these woman naked or in bras and towels like they are at home... prancing around, is smells like perfume, hairspray, and deodorant! After my workout, its much quieter... like all the stay-at-home moms are in there at 8am... This morning, there was a woman walking around in a green silk bathrobe! with little white flips, which she TOOK OFF to weigh herself... I have expected the robe to come off too... then she went in the shower and came out later with shaving cream, razor, soap, shampoo, and one of those puffy plastic buffy things!!! I mean, come on! this is a GYM... and please note, that there are NO permanent lockers, which means she carts all this stuff back and forth every day!! geez louise! I was speechless.

 

listening to Slate podcast about Girth Control... the author was comparing birth control methods to weight control methods - very funny, but one line got my attention:

The benefits of birth control:

"You get the orgasms without the organisms."

 

I've been watching brothers & sisters... mildly entertaining... but my favorite thing about it is the writing for the Calista Flockhart character.... There have been some serious gems, and I'm thinking of starting to take notes! I can't actually remember any of them now, so, I really should try to find those one-liners!

 

BTW - thanks D and R for the congrats!!

n=30 one continuous month

Well, I made it.

I'm kinda proud, actually…

I think that this was actually a very valuable experience, and I'm glad I took on the challenge. I didn't know whether or not I would make it, and I'm sure it was touch and go there for a while, especially yesterday… didn't think I'd make that one at all.

 

The most valuable things I learned:

 

Rebecca and I are very much alike.

I should have spent more time chatting with her when we were stuck in a Mexican beach house two years ago!

I can write something interesting if I put my mind to it.

Yahoo has people running bots to make sure no-one out there is unhappy… I'm happy about that one   =)

I have visitors!!

 

Anyway… now that my obligation to post is over, I feel obliged to continue the trend of posting regularly. But, what I will do is continue to take on the challenge of thinking of something interesting. I won't just go on about nothing like I did at the beginning of this exercise. I will continue to take the time to muse on a subject. And if I don't have anything interesting to say, I won't post.

 

How's that?

n=29 ok, the pilot is snoring

I’m sitting on a plane, using my Q1 to type you a message. I’m sitting next to a pilot who flied for a competing airline, he says he’s just getting a ride. Next to him is an old man, who I think is eating grapes… or cherries… its hard to tell because he has the bag kinda hidden. The pilot offered us all some gummy snakes, but the old man is not offering anything.
There was a man who came on carrying a piece of wood. It look hollow-core like a door. It wouldn’t fit anywhere, and the flight attendant was getting a little annoyed with him. Eventually she took it and checked it. I was wondering if the sticker would stay stuck, or if the baggage people would forget it in the hold, thinking it was meant to be there, or that it couldn’t actually be anything of importance.

Ok – the pilot is snoring.

Today was exhausting. Yesterday I just sat in a meeting and watched, today, I had to talk, listen, and absorb. By noon I was saturated. I don’t think I slept well last night because I was tired all day. Right now, I’m very hungry… and sleepy. I am relieved to find out that my company has some people with serious expertise in the area that I needed, and they have availability to help me on my project. Whew, in a major way!! I really didn’t want to learn how to do all this stuff.

Anyway, I’m going to watch a movie, and pretend I’m somewhere far away.

n=28 home stretch

Three more days of blogging in Nov to make the goal!! And one more night and day away from home, so home stretch on two fronts.

I've realized being here that a lot of my musings come during traffic driving, and so when I'm not driving in traffic, I'm not really musing... now airplanes... you can look through my archives for the insightful uplifting things I've written on airplanes... not!

Geez - preview of Happy Feet on HBO... this seems to be pretty much the WHOLE movie with narration! and does it look cheezy.... I was hoping it would be like the Madagascar penguins... but, ah, no, its the Marching movie in English and animation.

I'll see you guys tomorrow due to tiredness of the right now.

n=27 to be friends, or not

Well I just made the trek across the country and I'm in Alexandria, Virginia. My company has an office here and I will be meeting with some of the people to learn about our capabilities.

 

This flight wasn't so bad. Not as bad as flights can be for me. I watched two movies on my computer. I love my umpc. I have an extended battery now, which got the computer and DVD player and me all the way across the country. Movies are really the only way for me to make flying bearable – when I'm on my own.

 

I'll be pretty busy the next couple days, so I'm not sure that I will have time to think about topics worthy of musings… but you never know when those little pieces pop into your mind.

 

For example, flying in today, I thought about all the blogs I read that are from people who live here. Chris at RudeCactus, and Amalah, and I wondered what they were up to. Unlike a TV show, where you might find that you feel you know someone well from watching, these bloggers are real people, they are not characters. But, like Heather at "This Fish Needs a Bicycle" said, I don't actually know them, and for sure they don't know me. So I guess I won't be knocking on any doors. But, it might be fun to meet some of the bloggers I read… so that's my thought for today… I'll think about picking one and we'll see if we can make that happen.

n=26 ASU

Last night we went to downtown Tempe for dinner, and decided to give Stranger Than Fiction another try. We had gone to the Chandler Fashion Square the night before, 35 mins early, and the movie was sold out. We figured it would be less busy on Mill.

 

Anyway... when we were parking we noticed a ton of people walking with chairs, we thought it could be the art fair, or a game at the stadium, but no, it was the Festival of Lights. The parade was the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen... but, hey, A for effort, Tempe!

 

 

We had dinner and walked over to Mill to the team shop. My older 1/2 brother is going to ASU next semester as part of an exchange program. I thought I would get him something in maroon and gold - you know, team spirit and all that.

 

Being on Mill, so close to the University, we started talking about what it is that those undergrads do for entertainment... anything we say is a guess 'cause we have no idea. And we realized, that D being here will give us the inside scoop. Then I thought that it was kinda weird that this is where I've called home for the last 6 years, and I've never been a part of ASU. Yet, here comes my brother for a couple of months, and he's going to be more "in" than I have ever been. I have lived so far away from family for so long that its really weird for me to think of someone in my family living in the same place as me.

 

I am SO excited about being near D for this time, I can't even tell you. Even if I only see him a couple of times, its really cool to think that he will have an experience of my "home" even if its from a more drunk point of view than mine usually is.

 

And yes, Stranger Than Fiction was worth all the trying... it was a very nice movie. Just my style - kinda slow, interesting characters, humor, and nice.

how apropros

This quote was in the Jackrabbit Speaks - current Burning Man newsletter:

"Twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that
you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines.
Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.
Explore. Dream. Discover."
--Mark Twain

n=25 oh, that American holiday of thanks

So, not being an American by birth.... meant that I had to learn about Thanksgiving. I think that eventhough I'd been in the US three years before college, it was college where I first was affected by the holiday. We had the four days off school, and I had to figure out what to do. At first it was all very confusing because noone could answer my two questions... what is Thanksgiving, and when is Thanksgiving, yup, more "ah, dunno"'s than answers. But I soon learned about pilgrims and giving thanks and all that.

 

Every year, I'd experience some other friend's family tradition of the holiday. My mother being miles away, and the rest of my family miles, miles, and miles away, and besides, we all didn't really care!

So sitting at different dinner tables and learning the different traditions and recipes was really fun - especially for an anthro major, of course!

 

Now that I have been through it for, oh, so many years, I have done the whole dinner myself, I have maintained my tradition of visiting, it has come to be my favorite holiday.

 

Non-denominational, EVERYONE participates, its associated with being with family or friends, and everyone either talks or thinks about giving thanks.

 

But today, I realized that now I have another reason in my back pocket. I get four days off work... and so does everyone else... so its not like there are accumulating emails and messages... there's just nothing.

 

Anyway.... I have a lot to be thankful for, but right now, I'd just like to let you know, you Americans, that I am thankful to you for your holiday of thanks.

 

 

 

 

PS. I'd just like to add that this year may have been my favorite experience. My friends have been doing potluck T'givings for a while now, everyone bringing a different dish. Starting last year, it seemed we hit a groove because the food was incredible, well, this year, not only was the food great, but we had this controlled frenzy of activity and energy with the addition of new people, some very cool kids, a really cute toddler, and the usual cast. I am very grateful for my friends here in AZ, and when we have a clicking good time at a potluck like that, I know we are all in a good place.

n=24 finality

We all know that our time in life is finite. Its a reality that we live with in a certain level of denial. But then something happens to make it a reality, and its a bit of a slap in the face.At least for me it is.

 

I realize that I live my life waiting. for all different things, it seems. When I was a kid I was waiting to grow up so that I could live alone, when I was a teenager I was waiting to find someone to share my life with, when I was in college I was waiting to achieve my goals, now here I am... in a career, not living at home, and sharing my life with someone. So what am I waiting for now? my death? illness? the signs of growing old? illness in my loved ones? happiness?

 

There is a thing about that point when you have finished college and you realize that you've reached your goals and now you have to make a conscious decision about what comes next. At that point, you are completely in control of your destiny. You have given yourself the knowledge to be able to make the next step decision. How much are you looking forward as opposed to experiencing the present?

 

I realize today, well, I realized it a long time ago, but its hitting home today that I spend too much time waiting, and I want to spend more time experiencing, and doing.

 

Its a hard paradigm/mind shift for me... so bare with my while I try to get the hang of it.

 

In the meantime, I'm waiting for my kitchen to be done, I'm waiting for my mom to arrive in Dec, and I'm waiting for my vacation in January. I am also waiting for news from Oz, and I'm hoping that its news worth waiting for.

n=23 public or private

I have a very unique name. In all the years of my life I have never met, seen, or heard of someone else with my name. In all the years of me being on the internet, I have gone to register at a website, and found that my name is still available. I do a search on my name, and everything that comes up is something about me.

So, when I wanted to experiment with Blogger, I used my name. You can tell by my archives that I didn't post for a while, and then when I came back to actually blog, I used this site instead of creating a new one. And now I have my audience of you, and you know who I am.

In my surfing of blogs I have learned that there are people out there who have had very bad experiences when their blogs have become linked to them. And so I have been wondering about my "safety" since mine is so, so, public and so, so connected to me.

Would it be a problem for my employer to read my site? my employees? my collegues? and what if I go looking for another job? How would this site represent me?

I have tried to be honest, and have integrity in how I post. But I do swear, I do post some of my more "radical" opinions, would all of that have an affect*?

so, I've been wondering lately if I should be more careful, switch to a more anonymous site, or let it go.


*if its effect, just keep it to yourself, I've been sitting in my bed for 3 hours screwing around online, I don't feel like thinking about aff's and eff's!!

n=22 How about this?

I've heard of these things before, but this was my first sighting.

Plaeeeze!

n=21 oh, I love working at an engineering firm

This is supposed to be a long post about the woe's of working for a firm that is rooted in the very masculine world of engineering. But, I hate thinking about inequality and differential treatment as a reality.

 

Today was one of those days where I thought "if I was a guy, this would not have happened"

 

Basically, one of my employees, a guy, came in my office and YELLED at me for a good 20 minutes about all the things that are "wrong" with me, the episode started with the phrase "I came in with the intension of quitting today..." and basically went from there with the last sentence being "...so then why don't you fire me?!"

and I sat here thinking.... I'm the only woman in my office with a position of management that affords me an office. All of the other project and division managers sitting in their offices, would their employees go in and say these things to them?

 

I made a conscious effort not to engage him.

I allowed him to just say everything he had to say.

and believe me, there was no room in there for a response if I had wanted to say something.... you know, when someone basically cuts off any options you have in their ranting.

 

I told a male friend about what had happened, and he said that if someone did that to him, he would have called security, and had the person escorted out of his office.

 

so - there's the difference between a man and a woman.

or is it the nature of the HR process at my company vs his?

 

for the record, said employee went back to their business thereafter and has been happily engaging people all over the office.

Is this a need for emotional catharsis and I was a handy target?

 

anyway you look at it, it is unacceptible.

 

n=20 role models?

touche, Rebecca.

 

I took you seriously, and I thought about something musing instead of just coping out with an "I've got nothing to say" attitude.

 

I listen to podcasts in my car because my life is being sucked away by traffic, and at least I like to be entertained by distraction. I listen to several, I can go into that later, but one I really enjoy is the Slate magazine daily. Usually these are 7-10 minutes on some topic of interest, and they have an entertaining gabfest on Fridays about the week's political topics. Over the past weeks, they have been playing some of the taped sessions at a conference they hosted on philanthropy.

 

I just finished listening to the keynote speech given by President Clinton (see Nov 14). I had many thoughts while listening to this speech, which I can talk about later, but the thought I would like to share is this.

 

Being the President was not a job suited to him. He is too talented, too charismatic, too driven, too interested in making change. However, being the President has given him all the tools he needs to do what he is really made to do - as an ex-President. Even the Monica thing was a life experience that has given him character, and humility.

 

When you are the President, you are being controlled by politics and image and donors, I'm sure... but when you are not the President, you can have strong opinions, and pursue agendas, and be focused on a task. He is one of the best things that has happened to the world, I think. He worked very hard as a President to bring peace, and now, he is using his experience, relationships, and passion to make change in the world as a whole. It is very impressive.

 

I also watched a biography this weekend about Jamie Oliver. He was famous in his 20's as the Naked Chef on BBC, he became overexposed because of commercials for a UK shopping market and the public turned on him; what did he do? he took his own money to start a restaurant where he would train unemployed people to become chefs. These were people who were his age or older. That was a success. Did he stop there? no, he petitioned the UK government to use more of their budget to fund catering at the public schools, he challenged them to let him implement a program in all the schools to get the kids to eat healthy food. And it worked... Therefore, he has two successful programs that live on - Fifteen and the school lunches - and he only just turned 30; and this was all done on his own conscience and effort, started because he was turned on by the UK public. WOW!!!!!!

 

I know that I do not have the same drive as these people to A) think of these progressive world changing things, and B) have the drive to make it happen. But I do know that I have the skills to make what they think of happen .....

muse on that!

 

 

fucking kitchens; and patios; and toasters; and everything else that exists

[scene: preparing to go out and sorting out the eating plans for the next morning]

 

me shouting: I can't believe I still don't have a fucking kitchen and I'm sick and tired of pretending that everying is ok being relegated to the fucking patio as a pretend kitchen. (or something to that affect - all's I know for sure is that everything was fucking)

 

him calmly: that's a stupid thing to say

 

me not so calm: Did you just say that what I said was stupid?

 

him calmly: yes

 

me IRRITATED: are you talking about my comment about the kitchen or the patio?

 

him calmly: neither, kitchens and patios don't fuck. Have you ever seen a fucking patio? no!

n=19 at the spa

"Is it time for my massage?
No?
well then I'll have another mimosa."

n=18 yikes!

nearly missed today!

This whole daily thing is tough!
I wonder, is it better to just post when you have something to say?
or is the goal to try and be insightful everyday?

I guess since my blog is "musings" that can be my topic of musing for the 18th!

n=17 drunk

oh, boy, I had another bad day at work.
so we walked to the italian place so we could drink wine, and now I'm home, its late, and I nearly missed 17 which would be REALLY bad considering how much I wanted to be on the listing, and then it would suck if today was the day I BLEW it... but now, I'm musing about drivel!

I was going to take a photo of my car clock so you could see how late I was driving home, but the flash and photos, and dark was bad, so nothing.

Yay! weekend!!!
What are you going to bring o' weekend?!
Alas still an unfinished kitchen, but lo' we rehung some pics so it feels a teensy little bit more like "home".

hey, I know, I'll post ya a photo.... how 'bout in the mornin', though... due to extreme unable to focusness.