Friday, November 24, 2006

n=24 finality

We all know that our time in life is finite. Its a reality that we live with in a certain level of denial. But then something happens to make it a reality, and its a bit of a slap in the face.At least for me it is.
I realize that I live my life waiting. for all different things, it seems. When I was a kid I was waiting to grow up so that I could live alone, when I was a teenager I was waiting to find someone to share my life with, when I was in college I was waiting to achieve my goals, now here I am... in a career, not living at home, and sharing my life with someone. So what am I waiting for now? my death? illness? the signs of growing old? illness in my loved ones? happiness?
There is a thing about that point when you have finished college and you realize that you've reached your goals and now you have to make a conscious decision about what comes next. At that point, you are completely in control of your destiny. You have given yourself the knowledge to be able to make the next step decision. How much are you looking forward as opposed to experiencing the present?
I realize today, well, I realized it a long time ago, but its hitting home today that I spend too much time waiting, and I want to spend more time experiencing, and doing.
Its a hard paradigm/mind shift for me... so bare with my while I try to get the hang of it.
In the meantime, I'm waiting for my kitchen to be done, I'm waiting for my mom to arrive in Dec, and I'm waiting for my vacation in January. I am also waiting for news from Oz, and I'm hoping that its news worth waiting for.


aabart said...

What is Oz?

Most of us live in the past or the future. Our minds very rarely focus on the present moment. Much of my time is also spent thinking about the future. I believe it is neither good nor bad. However, there is a lot of cool stuff happening in the NOW; life is always happening in the NOW.

The reason I live in the future is because I have a hard time appreciating what I have right NOW. I am hoping the future will bring something better. But there is no better, there is only NOW. In my attempts to free myself from envy I try to see the beauty in the NOW. There is so much wonderfulness in the NOW, and so much of it we miss with our minds in later.

By paying attention to my breath I pull myself into the NOW. And while I am there I begin to notice how wonderful NOW is. NOW needs no changing, NOW needs no controlling, NOW is perfect, NOW is where life happens and NOW is perfect. And in the moment, only in the moment, I am not so worried about later.

Being present with the present is a wonderful thing; it is also a difficult thing. You can only do it one moment at a time.

It is funny you posted this now. I am beginning to practice meditation again. I have noticed I have become uncentered of late. Meditation, simply the practice of focusing on the NOW, brings me such peace. If you want to chat about it let me know!


Musing said...

Thanks for the comment, DRB, but that's not really what I was getting at. I appreciate the living in the NOW vs living in the future conundrum - been there done that during my metaphysical journey of the 80's. What I realize I have been doing throughout my life is putting off a lot of things that I would like to do, because "now is not the time", or "one day I will...", and what I realize, and now choose to take action on, is that there is no point waiting. Now is the future and now is the time I have been waiting for.

Rebecca said...

I have even done things like 'save' clothing I really like to wear for an 'important' day sometime in the future. A funny thing -- it ends up old and outdated AND I haven't had the pleasure of enjoying it. I've stopped doing that!

The most memorable days of my life are the ones where I really concentrated on now. I was suprised to be meeting people at stoplights and other random places. I really miss a lot when I think about tomorrow instead. Concentrating on living, and making life now the best it can be, is really freeing. I think the future will be so much richer when a person lives each day along the way instead of investing in days to come. Society tells us to save for the future, though; work now, play later. My dad told me once he hopes his kids enjoy him while he's here, 'because I'm not going to leave a lot for them to enjoy when I'm gone.' I hate to see people wait until they are 60 or older, until they finally 'retire' so they can enjoy life, and by then they don't have the physical or emotional capacity to really enjoy life at all. Do it NOW, by all means!