Sunday, November 12, 2006

n=12 in response to Rebecca; why I don't have kids

ok, children first.
I'll stick to the highlights, so if anyone wants elaboration, let me know.

My mom and my aunt are elementary school teachers, so my childhood was filled with them developing lesson plans and talking about children and how they "work". I don't even know if I can say what it is that I absorbed those years, but I do know that I have an intrinsic understanding of how kids work.

Second, my aunt had kids later in life, and I was 11 when the first was born, so I was the perfect age for childcare slavery. My aunt and I were really close and so she let me do pretty much everything. My cousins were born 2 years apart, so that was some concentrated childrearing experience. And I kinda felt like I had, through those experiences, "done" the childrearing thing. So it has never been an experience that I felt I needed to have.

But the REALLY big deciding factor was that when my aunt was about 6 months pregnant, she and my mom had a conversation about all the things that can go wrong during pregnancy and childbirth. I think I pretty much decided at that point that I was never going to do that to myself (at the age of 11, I actually decided that I was going to get a hysterectomy when I was 18 - how's that for being decisive?) So that seed of a decision was given water and sunlight as I realized other things about pregnancy and childbirth through life - I'm not even going to go through the list.

(I told my aunt all this recently, and it really upset her 'cause she didn't want to be "blamed" for my decision - but you know, there had to be something in me that felt this way for those realizations to attach to)

Next - I am a pretty competitive, ambitious person... and I wanted to make sure that I was confident in my career before I did anthing to compromise it.
I also like new experiences and learning, so the idea of going back and doing something I've already done doesn't ever attract me. If I had never been a part of a new-born becoming a kid, I might want to give it a try, but since I feel that I've had that experience in a major way, its not a place I need to go to.

and Finally - as I've gotten older, and become comfortable with my life, I've learned and realized about the hell that is the life of a foster child, or child up for adoption. And my (I guess its political?) point of view has become that there are so many children out there who have the potential to become something with the right nurturing that its selfish to create another kid when you are a happy couple/life that has stability and love to offer.
JUST PLEASE NOTE: this is my opinion, and in no way does it mean I judge people who give birth!

so those are the big point in the book of "Why Lisa doesn't want to give birth to a baby".

how about you?

(rebecca, you're a sneaky sneak! I thought it was you, but I wasn't 100% sure until you commented at Mr. DRB!! now I realize you're more interested in why I'm not married, 'cause you have 2 great kids, so it can't be the kid thing that you identify with (?)...)

1 comment:

Unknown said...

I just saw the footnote...
You're wrong about the sneaky and the implied interest in one but not both questions. I do have two great kids. And I was married for 18 years, by the way. I'm also in a position (with these daughters) to consider why people 'breed' without even thinking about whether it's right for them or necessary for them. And I'm seriously thinking about what one gives up when they decide to breed rather than participate as an equal in society, and whether these decisions, conscious or not, have effected the role of women in our society. I'm not sure I want my children to feel they have to give up being an equal, not for any reason; and that's caused a lot of thinking on my part, because for me there was no decision, and I am wondering why that was, knowing myself now. And I don't know a lot of people (any?) who would be willing to talk about this. And then I saw your post. And I hoped you'd be willing to talk about it. And you were. And thank you!